In this episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky podcast, the discussion focuses on a caller who chose to have one child despite initial expectations of a large family. The caller shares her journey, from facing challenges like miscarriages to making an intentional decision for an only child.
Dr. Becky offers strategies for handling unsolicited comments about the choice, such as affirming the thoughtfulness behind it and teaching the child self-affirming mantras. The episode explores how to respond confidently to others' opinions, stemming from personal biases, and emphasizes nurturing joy in one's chosen family dynamic.
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The caller recounts how she and her husband had initially assumed they would have a large family like the ones they grew up in. However, after facing challenges like multiple miscarriages, the caller revealed that they made an intentional decision to have one child.
The caller shares how others express concerns that her only child may be lonely or selfish. While worried her child may later wish for a sibling, the caller states Becky Kennedy, "these comments often stem from others' own experiences and biases." She aims to stay confident in her parenting choices.
Kennedy recommends the caller remind herself of the thoughtfulness behind having one child and affirm the joy she feels in her family.
The caller doesn't need to defend her choice, Kennedy suggests. She can respond directly yet shift the conversation, or engage playfully as suits her.
The caller plans to teach her daughter self-affirming mantras for when she faces opinions about being an only child. Kennedy highlights modeling confident responses to redirect such comments.
1-Page Summary
The discussion revolves around a caller recounting her personal journey and decisions regarding starting a family, her experiences with conception, and finally, the intentional choice to have one child.
The caller shared that she and her husband, both hailing from larger families, lacked intentionality in their initial family planning; the default assumption was that they would also have a bigger family.
The path to parenthood was marred with unexpected challenges for the caller. She divulged the heartbreaking experiences of multiple miscarriages. After considering IVF and taking a break for a couple of years, they successfully conceived their daughter with the help of supportive treatments like progesterone.
Following the emotional trials experienced during their attempts to conceive, the caller and her husband engaged in candid discussions about what they desired for their family. Through these dialogues and the confrontations of their reality versus their initial expectations, they made the active decision that one child was the right choice for their family.
The caller's personal journey and decision-making process around having a kind
The caller shares her experiences with dealing with comments and judgements from others regarding her decision to have only one child.
The caller mentions that others have expressed concerns about her child being lonely and selfish due to being an only child. She recounts comments like, "she's never going to learn to share," "she's never going to have anyone to play with," and "she's going to be really selfish." Becky Kennedy brings up the general story many people believe about only children feeling lonely and the possibility that the caller’s child might wish for a sibling to share experiences with. These comments put implied pressure on the caller to have additional children to avoid these perceived downsides.
The caller states that she’s trying to learn how to deal with comments people make about her child's potential qualities based on their family structure. While the caller worries about her child feeling lonely or wishing for a sibling in the future, she recognizes that these comments often stem from others’ own experiences and biases, rather than any true insight into her child’s well-being.
Moreover, the ...
Reactions and comments the caller receives from others about having an only child
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Parents who choose to have a single-child family sometimes face unsolicited comments about their family structure. There are effective strategies to reaffirm one's choices and teach the child to navigate such situations.
The caller, who made the decision to have only one child after careful consideration, should remind themselves of the thoroughness and intention behind their choice. Becky Kennedy recommends writing down affirmations like, "I feel good about our family," to root oneself in the positive aspects of this decision.
The caller speaks of feeling pride and joy in the family they've created, emphasizing the completeness they feel with their current family structure. Kennedy underscores the importance of affirming that the caller feels very good and complete with their one-child family.
The caller doesn't have to justify or defend the family's choices when faced with unsolicited comments. Kennedy suggests acknowledging the comment and either setting a boundary or shifting the conversation without explanation. It's about choosing whether to engage or not and doing so on one's own terms.
The caller and Kennedy discuss the freedom to choose how to respond to comments—whether it’s with a witty comeback or by steering the conversation away. It's important to validate oneself and not seek validation from responses to others' comments.
Strategies for responding to and dealing with unsolicited comments about their family structure
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