Podcasts > Good Inside with Dr. Becky > Revisit - One and Done

Revisit - One and Done

By Dr. Becky

In this episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky podcast, the discussion focuses on a caller who chose to have one child despite initial expectations of a large family. The caller shares her journey, from facing challenges like miscarriages to making an intentional decision for an only child.

Dr. Becky offers strategies for handling unsolicited comments about the choice, such as affirming the thoughtfulness behind it and teaching the child self-affirming mantras. The episode explores how to respond confidently to others' opinions, stemming from personal biases, and emphasizes nurturing joy in one's chosen family dynamic.

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Revisit - One and Done

This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Apr 30, 2024 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky

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Revisit - One and Done

1-Page Summary

The Caller's Journey to Intentionally Having One Child

The caller recounts how she and her husband had initially assumed they would have a large family like the ones they grew up in. However, after facing challenges like multiple miscarriages, the caller revealed that they made an intentional decision to have one child.

Responding to Comments About Having an Only Child

The caller shares how others express concerns that her only child may be lonely or selfish. While worried her child may later wish for a sibling, the caller states Becky Kennedy, "these comments often stem from others' own experiences and biases." She aims to stay confident in her parenting choices.

Strategies for Dealing with Unsolicited Comments

Affirming Their Family Choice

Kennedy recommends the caller remind herself of the thoughtfulness behind having one child and affirm the joy she feels in her family.

Choosing How to Engage

The caller doesn't need to defend her choice, Kennedy suggests. She can respond directly yet shift the conversation, or engage playfully as suits her.

Preparing Her Daughter

The caller plans to teach her daughter self-affirming mantras for when she faces opinions about being an only child. Kennedy highlights modeling confident responses to redirect such comments.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Some concerns or biases that others may have about only children include worries about the child being lonely without siblings, concerns about the child potentially becoming selfish due to not having to share with siblings, and assumptions that only children may miss out on the social and emotional benefits of having siblings. These biases can stem from personal experiences, societal norms, or misconceptions about the dynamics of single-child families.
  • Self-affirming mantras for the caller's daughter are positive statements or phrases she can repeat to herself to boost her confidence and self-worth. These mantras can help her feel secure in her identity as an only child and counter any negative opinions or stereotypes she may encounter. By teaching her daughter these affirmations, the caller is empowering her to navigate and respond to external judgments about being an only child in a healthy and self-assured manner. This practice can help the daughter develop resilience and a strong sense of self-esteem in the face of potential criticism or societal pressures regarding her family structure.

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Revisit - One and Done

The caller's personal journey and decision-making process around having a kind

The discussion revolves around a caller recounting her personal journey and decisions regarding starting a family, her experiences with conception, and finally, the intentional choice to have one child.

The caller's initial expectations and experience trying to conceive

The caller and her husband had anticipated a family with multiple children, as they both came from larger families

The caller shared that she and her husband, both hailing from larger families, lacked intentionality in their initial family planning; the default assumption was that they would also have a bigger family.

The journey to having their daughter involved unexpected challenges, including multiple miscarriages

The path to parenthood was marred with unexpected challenges for the caller. She divulged the heartbreaking experiences of multiple miscarriages. After considering IVF and taking a break for a couple of years, they successfully conceived their daughter with the help of supportive treatments like progesterone.

The caller and her husband's intentional decision-making process to have one child

Following the emotional trials experienced during their attempts to conceive, the caller and her husband engaged in candid discussions about what they desired for their family. Through these dialogues and the confrontations of their reality versus their initial expectations, they made the active decision that one child was the right choice for their family.

The caller has found herself f ...

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The caller's personal journey and decision-making process around having a kind

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a fertility treatment where eggs and sperm are combined outside the body in a lab setting. This process helps individuals or couples overcome infertility by assisting in conception. IVF involves fertilizing the egg with sperm in a controlled environment before transferring the resulting embryo to the uterus to establish a pregnancy. It is a widely used assisted reproductive technology for various fertility challenges.
  • Progesterone treatment, in the context of fertility, involves the use of progesterone medication to support pregnancy. It can be administered in various forms such as orally, vaginally, or through injections. Proges ...

Counterarguments

  • The expectation to have a larger family based on one's family of origin may not always be a well-considered personal desire but rather a societal or familial pressure that doesn't take into account individual circumstances or preferences.
  • While the caller's journey to having one child was fraught with challenges, it's important to recognize that each person's reproductive journey is unique, and others may have different experiences and outcomes even with similar challenges.
  • Deciding to have one child is a personal choice that suits some families, but it's not a one-size-fits-all solution; other couples might find that they have different thresholds for emotional and physical challenges or may come to different conclusions about th ...

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Revisit - One and Done

Reactions and comments the caller receives from others about having an only child

The caller shares her experiences with dealing with comments and judgements from others regarding her decision to have only one child.

Concerns and judgements expressed by others about an only child

The caller mentions that others have expressed concerns about her child being lonely and selfish due to being an only child. She recounts comments like, "she's never going to learn to share," "she's never going to have anyone to play with," and "she's going to be really selfish." Becky Kennedy brings up the general story many people believe about only children feeling lonely and the possibility that the caller’s child might wish for a sibling to share experiences with. These comments put implied pressure on the caller to have additional children to avoid these perceived downsides.

The caller's response to these comments

The caller states that she’s trying to learn how to deal with comments people make about her child's potential qualities based on their family structure. While the caller worries about her child feeling lonely or wishing for a sibling in the future, she recognizes that these comments often stem from others’ own experiences and biases, rather than any true insight into her child’s well-being.

Moreover, the ...

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Reactions and comments the caller receives from others about having an only child

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Becky Kennedy is not a widely known public figure or personality. Without additional context, it is unclear who she is in relation to the text provided.
  • The belief that only children may feel lonely stems from a common stereotype that suggests without siblings, they lack companionship and social interaction at home, leading to potential feelings of isolation. This stereotype often assumes that without siblings, only children may struggle to develop social skills and may experience a sense of missing out on the sibling bond that others enjoy. It's important to note that these assumptions are not universally true and each child's experience is unique, influenced by various factors beyond just their family structure.
  • The implied pressure on the caller to have more children stems from societal expectations and stereotypes about only children. People often express concerns about only children being lonely or selfish, leading to comments that suggest having more children could mitigate these perceived issues. This pressure can make the caller feel judged or questioned about her decision to have an only child, creating a sense of obligation to conform to traditional family structures.
  • The caller is worried about her child potentially feeling lonely or desiring a sibling in the future due to societal perceptions about only children. These concerns stem from common stereotypes about only children lacking social skills or companionship. The caller is navigating these worries while staying confident in her decision to have an only child. She discusses these concerns with her husband to address any potential future issues proactively.
  • The importance of not letting future worries detract from the pres ...

Counterarguments

...

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Revisit - One and Done

Strategies for responding to and dealing with unsolicited comments about their family structure

Parents who choose to have a single-child family sometimes face unsolicited comments about their family structure. There are effective strategies to reaffirm one's choices and teach the child to navigate such situations.

Grounding oneself in the positive aspects of the caller's family

Reminding oneself of the thoughtfulness and intentionality behind the decision to have one child

The caller, who made the decision to have only one child after careful consideration, should remind themselves of the thoroughness and intention behind their choice. Becky Kennedy recommends writing down affirmations like, "I feel good about our family," to root oneself in the positive aspects of this decision.

Actively affirming the joy and completeness the caller feels in her family as it is

The caller speaks of feeling pride and joy in the family they've created, emphasizing the completeness they feel with their current family structure. Kennedy underscores the importance of affirming that the caller feels very good and complete with their one-child family.

Choosing how to engage with comments from others

Responding directly, but without feeling the need to defend or justify one's choices

The caller doesn't have to justify or defend the family's choices when faced with unsolicited comments. Kennedy suggests acknowledging the comment and either setting a boundary or shifting the conversation without explanation. It's about choosing whether to engage or not and doing so on one's own terms.

Giving oneself the freedom to either engage playfully or disengage, as the situation warrants

The caller and Kennedy discuss the freedom to choose how to respond to comments—whether it’s with a witty comeback or by steering the conversation away. It's important to validate oneself and not seek validation from responses to others' comments.

Preparing the caller's daughter to navigate thes ...

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Strategies for responding to and dealing with unsolicited comments about their family structure

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Becky Kennedy is an American clinical psychologist known for her work in parenting advice. She is the founder and CEO of the Good Inside company, offering online parenting guidance. Kennedy is recognized for her ...

Counterarguments

...

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