How to Talk to Kids About Substance Use Disorder
On this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, Nicole Kosanke joins the host to explore how to approach the sensitive topic of substance use disorders with children. The discussion delves into understanding the nuanced behaviors and challenges surrounding these disorders, emphasizing the profound impact parental substance use can have on a child's well-being.
Kosanke and Kennedy offer principles for engaging with children on this difficult subject, including building the conversation around the child's observations, recognizing that these discussions are ongoing, responding with empathy rather than judgment, and providing age-appropriate information. They stress the importance of creating a safe space for children to express emotions, validating their feelings, and reassuring them that they are not responsible for an adult's struggles.
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1-Page Summary
Understanding and framing substance use disorders
Substance use disorders encompass a range of damaging behaviors
Experts like Nicole Kosanke prefer the term "substance use disorder" over "addiction," as it better captures the nuanced spectrum of behaviors that disrupt lives despite efforts to stop. Kosanke notes these disorders involve persistent substance use leading to negative consequences.
Parental substance use profoundly impacts children
Children are highly perceptive of family dynamics. Host Becky Kennedy and Kosanke discuss how children of parents with substance use disorders often internalize difficult emotions like feeling responsible, abandoned, or of low self-worth. The instability and trauma can significantly impact a child's well-being.
Principles for talking to children
Build the conversation around the child's observations
Kennedy and Kosanke recommend grounding discussions in what the child has noticed and is curious about. Validate the child's perceptions, even if they differ from the adult's understanding.
Recognize these as ongoing conversations
There is no perfect one-time discussion. Kennedy notes parents can revisit topics as the child's understanding evolves. Kosanke advises acknowledging mistakes to provide clarity.
Specific strategies
Respond with empathy, not judgment
Kosanke and Kennedy stress using validating language devoid of moralizing or blame to reduce shame and stigma. Convey that the child's feelings are understandable.
Provide age-appropriate, honest information
Explain substance use disorders simply. As Kosanke advises, reassure children they aren't responsible for adult struggles.
Encourage the child to express emotions
Create a safe space for the child to share thoughts without dismissal. Commit to many conversations over time, not one definitive "talk."
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- In substance use disorders, the term "nuanced spectrum of behaviors" describes the wide range of actions and patterns individuals exhibit when struggling with substance abuse. This spectrum includes various behaviors like cravings, compulsive drug-seeking, tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, and continued use despite negative consequences. Each person's experience with substance use disorder can differ in terms of severity, triggers, coping mechanisms, and impact on daily life. Understanding this complexity helps professionals tailor interventions and treatments to address the specific needs and challenges of each individual.
- Parental substance use can profoundly impact children's emotions and well-being. Children of parents with substance use disorders often internalize feelings of responsibility, abandonment, and low self-worth due to the instability and trauma in their environment. These experiences can have lasting effects on a child's mental and emotional development, influencing their overall well-being and future relationships. It is crucial to address these impacts sensitively and provide support to help children navigate and process their emotions effectively.
- Validating language devoid of moralizing or blame means using supportive and understanding words that do not involve passing judgment or assigning fault. It involves communicating in a way that acknowledges the person's feelings without criticizing or shaming them for their actions or emotions. This approach aims to create a safe and non-judgmental environment for open communication and emotional expression.
- When discussing substance use disorders with children, it is crucial to provide information that is suitable for their age and level of understanding. This means explaining the concept in a simple and clear manner without overwhelming them with complex details. The goal is to offer honest explanations that address their questions while ensuring they feel supported and not burdened with unnecessary responsibility. It's about creating a safe environment for open dialogue and helping children comprehend the issue without causing fear or confusion.
Counterarguments
- While the term "substance use disorder" is indeed comprehensive, some argue that the term "addiction" can be more impactful in certain contexts, emphasizing the severity and compulsive nature of the condition.
- The impact of parental substance use on children, while often profound, can vary greatly depending on a range of factors, including the resilience of the child, the presence of other supportive adults, and the severity of the parent's disorder.
- Building conversations around a child's observations is important, but it's also crucial to consider that children may not always communicate or even understand their observations accurately, which can complicate discussions.
- While ongoing conversations are beneficial, there may be situations where a single, well-timed, and comprehensive discussion could be more effective, depending on the child's age and maturity.
- Empathy is essential, but it must be balanced with clear boundaries and guidance to avoid enabling or normalizing the harmful behaviors associated with substance use disorders.
- Providing age-appropriate information is important, but there is a risk of oversimplifying complex issues, which might lead to misunderstandings or misconceptions as the child grows older.
- Encouraging children to express emotions is crucial, but it's also important to provide them with coping strategies and possibly professional support to manage the emotions related to their parent's substance use disorder.
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Understanding and framing substance use disorders
The term "substance use disorders" brings with it a set of complexities far-reaching beyond the casual use of "addiction," urging a move towards a more nuanced understanding and discussion—particularly when considering the substantial impact on family dynamics and the mental health of children.
Substance use disorders are more nuanced than the term "addiction" suggests
Experts like Nicole Kosanke highlight the formal definition of a substance use disorder, which encompasses persistent use of a substance despite the negative consequences. By discussing these disorders, we tap into a spectrum of behaviors that disrupt lives and relationships.
Substance use disorders encompass a range of behaviors that cause negative consequences in someone's life, despite their best efforts to stop
Nicole Kosanke points out that substance use disorders involve behaviors that continue regardless of the damaging outcomes they may cause to an individual's life, signaling a depth of struggle that goes beyond physical dependency.
The label "addiction" can be problematic as it is often used casually and may minimize the severity of substance use disorders
Kosanke prefers the term "substance use disorder" over "addiction," noting that the latter is thrown around casually in conversations and can unintentionally understate the seriousness of the condition and its extensive implications on the unit of a family.
Parental substance use disorders have a significant impact on children
The dialogues with host Becky Kennedy and the expressions by children of parents with substance use disorders paint a vivid picture of the emotional toll on the young psyche.
Children are highly observant of family dynamics and may pick up on things that adults assume they don't notice
When faced with a family member dealing with a substance use disorder, children often perceive and understand much more than adults give them credit for, leading to internalized emotions and a skewe ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Understanding and framing substance use disorders
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- A substance use disorder is a condition where an individual continues to use a substance despite experiencing negative consequences. This formal definition emphasizes the persistent nature of the behavior and the impact it has on the person's life and relationships. It goes beyond mere physical dependency, highlighting the complex behavioral patterns associated with substance misuse. The term encompasses a range of behaviors that lead to harmful outcomes, even when the individual tries to stop using the substance.
- "Substance use disorder" is a formal term that encompasses a range of behaviors involving the persistent use of substances despite negative consequences. On the other hand, "addiction" is a more colloquial term that is often used casually and may not fully capture the complexity and severity of substance use disorders. The distinction lies in the clinical definition and implications of each term, with "substance use disorder" emphasizing a broader understanding of the issue beyond mere addiction.
- Parental substance use disorders can have a profound impact on children's mental health and family dynamics. Children in such situations may experience emotional distress, feelings of responsibility, and a sense of instability due to the unpredictable behavior of the parent with the disorder. This can lead to long-term effects on the child's well-being and development, affecting their self-worth and perception of family roles. The family environme ...
Counterarguments
- While the term "substance use disorder" is clinically accurate, some argue that "addiction" is a term that the general public understands better, which can facilitate broader conversations and awareness.
- There is a perspective that while the term "addiction" may be used casually, it does not always minimize the severity of the condition; in some contexts, it can convey the gravity of the situation effectively.
- It's possible to consider that children, while observant, may not always accurately interpret the complexities of family dynamics, especially those related to substance use disorders, due to their developmental stage.
- Some might argue that not all children internalize blame for a parent's substance use disorder; children's reactions ...
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Principles for talking to children about substance use disorders
When discussing sensitive issues like substance use disorders with children, experts Becky Kennedy and Nicole Kosanke stress the importance of honesty, responsiveness, and validating children's observations.
Build the conversation around the child's observations and questions, rather than lecturing
Kennedy and Kosanke recommend approaching the conversation based on the child’s observations and questions rather than delivering a monologue.
Allow children to guide the dialogue by asking what they've noticed and feel curious about
When Ashley inquires about discussing her mother’s alcoholism with her daughter, Kennedy and Kosanske stress the importance of following the lead of the child. For instance, Kosanke suggests asking the child what they've noticed or if there's anything they're curious about concerning their grandmother's infrequent visits.
Validate children's perceptions and feelings, even if they don't align with the adult's understanding
Kennedy emphasizes that children should be reassured that negative outcomes, such as not sleeping at grandma’s house, are not their fault. She suggests that children should be supported to express their thoughts and feelings. For example, if a child notices that one grandparent is visiting less despite living closer, parents should allow them to discuss their observations openly.
Kosanke encourages parents to validate children's experiences and be empathic towards their interpretations, which might differ from the adults' understanding.
Recognachnize that these conversations will happen over time, not in a single discussion
Kennedy and Kosanke agree that discussing substance use with a child is not a one-time event, but a series of conversations that evolve with time.
There is no perfect, one-time way to have this talk - it will evo ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Principles for talking to children about substance use disorders
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Becky Kennedy and Nicole Kosanke are professionals who specialize in helping parents and caregivers navigate conversations with children about substance use disorders. They emphasize the importance of honesty, responsiveness, and validating children's observations during these discussions. Their guidance focuses on building conversations around children's questions and observations, allowing the child to guide the dialogue, and acknowledging that these discussions will evolve over time.
- The experts emphasize that when discussing substance use disorders with children, it's crucial to let the child's questions and observations guide the conversation. This approach helps tailor the discussion to the child's level of understanding and curiosity. By following the child's lead, parents can address specific concerns and provide information in a way that is most relevant and beneficial to the child. This method fosters a more engaging and effective dialogue about a sensitive topic like substance use disorders.
- VALIDATING CHILDREN'S PERCEPTIONS AND FEELINGS: This concept involves acknowledging and accepting a child's thoughts, emotions, and observations without judgment. It is about showing empathy and understanding towards how the child sees and experiences a situation, even if it differs from the adult's perspective. Validating helps children feel heard, respected, and supported in expressing their thoughts and feelings openly. It is a crucial aspect of effective communication and building trust with children when discussing sensitive topics like substance use disorders.
- The idea that discussing substance use with a child is a series of conversations that evolve over time emphasizes the need for ongoing dialogue to address the child's changing understanding and questions. This approach recognizes that children's comprehension of complex topics like substance use deepens as they grow, requiring parents to adapt their discussions accordingly. It h ...
Counterarguments
- While honesty is important, there may be a need for age-appropriate discussions, where full transparency is not always given to protect the child's emotional well-being.
- Some children may not have the capacity or desire to guide a conversation about such complex issues, and adults may need to take a more active role in providing information and context.
- Children's perceptions and feelings should be validated, but there may also be a need to gently correct misunderstandings to prevent the formation of harmful beliefs.
- While conversations should evolve over time, there may be key information that should be conveyed early to ensure the child has a basic understanding of the situation, even if they don't ask about it.
- Acknowledging ...
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Specific strategies for having these conversations with children
Kosanke and Kennedy discuss methods to help adults have thoughtful conversations with children about substance use disorders, emphasizing empathy, validation, and age-appropriate honesty. They strongly advocate for a dialogue that is devoid of judgment and full of understanding and compassion.
Respond with empathy and compassion, not judgment
Avoid moralizing or blaming language that could increase shame and stigma
Throughout the conversation, Kosanke and Kennedy focus on the importance of validating a child's feelings as understandable and significant, avoiding any language that could be moralizing or blaming. This approach is intended to reduce feelings of shame and stigma a child might experience.
Convey that the child's feelings are understandable and valid
Kosanke underscores the importance of helping comfort a child's feelings by affirming that their experience and emotions are valid. Kennedy also stresses the need for administering comfort and validating the child's perspective, despite any factual inaccuracies the child might hold, thereby acknowledging the child's distress as legitimate.
Provide age-appropriate, honest information tailored to the child's needs
Explain substance use disorders in simple terms the child can grasp
Kosanke advises that when a child questions behaviors associated with substance use, it's crucial to reply with simple, non-judgmental terms that the child can understand. For example, acknowledging unsafe conditions like a stove being left on without making the child feel responsible for the adult's actions.
Emphasize that the child is not responsible for the parent's struggles
Kosanke insists on reassuring children that the adult's situations, including struggles with substances, are not their fault, emphasizing it’s the adult's responsibility to ensure safety. This reinforces to children that they are not to be blamed for their parent's afflictions.
Encourage the child to express their emotions and remain available for ongoing dialogue
Create a safe space for the child to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of being dismissed
Nic ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Specific strategies for having these conversations with children
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Kosanke and Kennedy are experts in the field of substance use disorders and communication with children. They emphasize empathy, validation, and age-appropriate honesty in conversations about substance use with children. Their guidance focuses on creating a non-judgmental and compassionate dialogue that acknowledges the child's feelings and provides honest information tailored to the child's understanding.
- A dialogue devoid of judgment means having conversations without criticism or condemnation. It involves communicating in a way that is understanding and compassionate, without making the other person feel guilty or ashamed. This approach focuses on listening without passing moral judgments or blame, creating a safe space for open and honest communication. It aims to foster understanding and empathy rather than focusing on fault or reprimand.
- Validating a child's feelings involves acknowledging and accepting their emotions as real and understandable, without judgment or criticism. It helps the child feel heard, understood, and supported, promoting emotional well-being and building trust in the relationship. This validation does not necessarily mean agreeing with the child's perspective but rather showing empathy and respect for their feelings. It is a crucial aspect of effective communication and fostering a healthy emotional connection with the child.
- Moralizing or blaming language involves using words or phrases that assign moral judgment or fault to a person's actions or character. It often involves criticizing or shaming someone for their behavior rather than understanding the underlying reasons or circumstances. This type of language can increase feelings of shame and stigma, making it harder for individuals to address issues openly and seek help. By avoiding moralizing or blaming language, conversations can focus on empathy, understanding, and support rather than judgment.
- Age-appropriate honesty means providing information to children in a way that matches their developmental stage and understanding. It involves being truthful while considering the child's age, maturity, and ability to comprehend complex topics. This approach ensures that children receive accurate information that is tailored to their level of comprehension, helping them make sense of difficult subjects like substance use disorders. By using age-appropriate honesty, adults can maintain trust with children and foster open communication while addressing sensitive issues.
- Comforting a child's feelings involves acknowledging and validating their emotions, letting them know that what they are feeling is understandable and significant. It's about creating a safe space for the child to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or dismissal. This approach helps reduce any shame or stigma the child may be experiencing and fosters open communication. By providing comfort and validation, adults can help children navigate their emotions in a healthy and supportive way.
- Validating the child's perspective means acknowledging and accepting their thoughts, feelings, and experiences as real and important, even if they differ from your own. It involves showing empathy and understanding towards the child's point of view without judgment or criticism. This validation helps build trust and connection with the child, making them feel heard and respected in the conversation. It is a crucial aspect of effective communication with children, especially in sensitive or challenging discussions like those about substance use disorders.
- Factual inaccuracies in the context of discussing substance use disorders with children can include misunderstandings or incorrect beliefs about addiction, its causes, or how it affects individuals. Addressing these inaccuracies in ...
Counterarguments
- While empathy and compassion are crucial, there may be situations where a more direct or firm approach is necessary to ensure a child's safety or understanding of serious issues.
- Validating feelings is important, but it's also essential to guide children towards understanding factual realities, especially if misconceptions could lead to harmful behaviors or attitudes.
- Providing age-appropriate information is key, but determining what is "age-appropriate" can be subjective and vary greatly from child to child.
- Emphasizing that the child is not responsible for their parent's struggles is important, but it should also be balanced with discussions about personal responsibility and the impact of one's actions on others.
- Creating a safe space for expression is vital, but there should also be guidance on appropriate ways to express emotions an ...
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