Emily Oster and the Bad Therapy Conversation
In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, the hosts explore the premise of Abigail Schrier's book "Bad Therapy" – that modern parenting approaches prioritizing children's emotions over fostering resilience may contribute to rising youth mental health issues. The discussion delves into finding a balance between validating children's feelings and establishing necessary boundaries and age-appropriate challenges.
Dr. Becky Kennedy and Emily Oster examine the importance of allowing children to face manageable discomforts and develop problem-solving skills. They address the documented increase in anxiety and depression among young people, considering potential factors like technology and social media pressures.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Apr 9, 2024 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Challenging Modern Parenting Approaches
The book "Bad Therapy" by Abigail Schrier argues that the increased focus on accommodating children's emotions and mental well-being, while well-intentioned, may contribute to rising rates of mental health issues among youth.
According to Schrier, American children are currently "the saddest, most anxious, depressed, and medicated generation on record." She attributes this concerning trend to parenting practices and educational approaches that prioritize children's feelings over building resilience and self-reliance through age-appropriate challenges and boundaries.
Balancing Emotion Validation and Boundaries
While validating children's emotions is crucial, experts Becky Kennedy and Emily Oster warn against letting feelings dictate all decisions. Kennedy suggests acknowledging feelings while still enforcing necessary rules, boundaries, and expectations. Oster cautions against shifting from authoritative to permissive parenting, eroding vital boundary-setting.
Fostering Competence Through Manageable Challenges
Kennedy and Oster emphasize allowing children to experience discomfort, face challenges, and learn from mistakes, as this enables them to develop crucial problem-solving skills, resilience, and self-reliance. Constantly shielding children from difficulties can deprive them of confidence-building opportunities.
Kennedy advocates for gradually helping children navigate challenges independently, such as walking them partway to gain independence. She advises against accommodation that reinforces avoiding discomfort, undermining autonomy. Engaging children in resistant tasks builds competence beyond academics.
Rising Mental Health Concerns
Emily Oster highlights the documented increase in mental health issues like anxiety and depression among young people, an issue extending beyond the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. Potential contributing factors like technology and social media pressures are being examined as part of this complex problem affecting youths and young adults.
1-Page Summary
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Clarifications
- Authoritative parenting is characterized by setting clear rules and expectations while also being responsive to a child's needs and emotions. This style encourages open communication and reasoning with the child. Permissive parenting, on the other hand, involves being very responsive to a child's emotional needs but having few demands or rules. This style tends to be more lenient and indulgent, often lacking in structure and discipline. The authoritative style balances warmth and support with clear boundaries, while the permissive style leans more towards nurturing without as much emphasis on discipline.
- To effectively balance emotion validation and setting boundaries, it's essential to acknowledge children's feelings while also enforcing necessary rules and expectations. This approach involves recognizing emotions without letting them dictate all decisions, ensuring a healthy balance between empathy and structure in parenting. By validating emotions and simultaneously establishing clear boundaries, children learn to navigate their feelings while understanding limits and expectations, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience. This strategy aims to promote healthy emotional development while instilling important life skills like problem-solving and self-regulation.
- Fostering competence through manageable challenges involves providing children with opportunities to face difficulties and learn from them. By allowing children to experience discomfort and overcome obstacles, they develop problem-solving skills, resilience, and self-reliance. Gradually increasing the level of challenge helps children build confidence and competence in handling various situations. This approach aims to strike a balance between support and independence, preparing children for real-world experiences.
- The impact of technology and social media on youth mental health is a significant concern due to factors like cyberbullying, social comparison, and excessive screen time. Constant connectivity can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression among young people. The curated and often unrealistic portrayals on social media platforms can distort perceptions of reality and self-worth. Research suggests that managing screen time, promoting digital literacy, and fostering healthy online behaviors are crucial in mitigating these negative effects.
Counterarguments
- The link between modern parenting and mental health issues is complex, and it may be overly simplistic to attribute rising mental health issues solely to parenting styles without considering genetic, environmental, and societal factors.
- Some argue that the perception of children as the "saddest, most anxious" generation could be due to increased awareness and diagnosis of mental health issues rather than an actual increase in prevalence.
- It's possible that prioritizing children's feelings can coexist with teaching resilience and self-reliance, and that these approaches are not mutually exclusive.
- Critics of the authoritative parenting model suggest that it may not accommodate individual differences in children's temperaments and needs.
- There is a body of research supporting the idea that permissive parenting, when balanced with warmth and communication, can lead to positive outcomes for children.
- The role of technology and social media in mental health is complex, and some studies suggest that moderate use can have positive effects on young people's well-being.
- The idea of fostering competence through challenges may not take into account the varying abilities of children with different developmental disorders or disabilities.
- Some experts argue that the focus on independence might overlook the importance of interdependence and community support in child development.
- The assertion that shielding children from difficulties can deprive them of confidence-building opportunities may not consider the importance of providing a secure base from which children can explore the world.
- There is debate over whether the increase in mental health issues among young people is a new phenomenon or a result of better recognition and willingness to seek help.
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The book "Bad Therapy" and its central argument about modern parenting contributing to mental health problems in children
The book "Bad Therapy" offers a provocative exploration of the connections between contemporary parenting practices, the culture of education, and the burgeoning mental health concerns observed among the young American population. The author, Abigail Schrier, delves into the idea that while heightened sensitivity towards children's feelings and mental well-being is meant to foster healthy psychological development, such measures might inadvertently be doing more harm than good.
The book suggests that increased focus on children's feelings and mental well-being, combined with a decline in parental authority and allowing children to develop competence, has led to a rise in mental health issue among youth
The central argument of "Bad Therapy" posits that the doubled-down emphasis on catering to children's emotions, coupled with an erosion of traditional parental authority and decreased opportunities for children to cultivate self-reliance and competence, is contributing significantly to a crisis in youth mental health.
The book argues that American children are the "saddest, most anxious, depressed, and medicated generation on record"
Throughout "Bad Therapy," there is a pressing narrative that American children currently hold the disquieting distinction of being the "saddest, most anxious, depressed, and medicated generation on record." The correlation drawn in the book implicates modern parenting and educational techniques that have, with the intention of nurturing, ostensibly wrapped children in a psychological cotton wool that might be stifling rather than supporting.
Schrier contends that the driving force behind this trend is a well-intentioned yet misdirected parenting paradigm and educational developments. By placing a heightened emphasis on emotions and pushing for child-centric approaches that prioritize mental health, the author believes that such strategies have unknowingly compounded the m ...
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The book "Bad Therapy" and its central argument about modern parenting contributing to mental health problems in children
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Abigail Schrier, in her book "Bad Therapy," argues that modern parenting practices emphasizing children's emotions may inadvertently contribute to mental health issues in youth. Becky Kennedy highlights the risks of shielding children from discomfort, potentially hindering their resilience. Emily Oster suggests that excessive protection in childhood could lead to a lack of essential coping skills in later life. These viewpoints collectively challenge the prevailing parenting and educational approaches, urging a reevaluation of their impact on children's mental well-being.
- "Too much scaffolding" in early childhood refers to excessive support and intervention by parents or caregivers in a child's learning or problem-solving processes. This term comes from the concept of scaffolding in education, where support is gradually reduced as the child gains skills. Wh ...
Counterarguments
- The increased focus on children's emotions is a response to past generations' neglect of mental health, and it is crucial for fostering emotional intelligence and resilience.
- Parental authority should evolve to reflect a more collaborative and understanding relationship with children, rather than a strict hierarchical dynamic.
- Correlation does not imply causation; the rise in mental health issues among youth could be due to better diagnostic practices and reduced stigma rather than parenting styles.
- Modern parenting and education may not be stifling children but rather providing a safer environment that acknowledges the complexities of the modern world.
- Discomfort is a part of life, but it is the role of parents and educators to help children navigate these feelings in a supportive way, not to expose them to unnecessary hardship.
- Protective measures are often put in place to safeguard children from genuine risks, and finding the balance between protection and independence is key.
- The characterization of American children as the "saddest, most anxious, depressed, and medicated generation on record" may overlook the impact of external factors such as economic pressures, social media, and gl ...
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Balancing validating children's feelings with maintaining parental authority and not letting feelings dictate all decisions
Experts Becky Kennedy and Emily Oster discuss the delicate balance between affirming children’s emotions and enforcing the necessary authority within parenting.
Parents must acknowledge and validate children's feelings, while still retaining their role as the authority figure who sets boundaries and expectations
Validating a child's emotions is an essential parenting practice; however, it must be coupled with the upkeep of boundaries and parental authority to foster proper development.
Completely disregarding children's feelings in the name of enforcing rules is ultimately unhelpful, as it invalidates their experiences
Kennedy asserts that dismissing children's feelings can heighten tension instead of alleviating it. She suggests telling children that discomfort with new experiences is normal. This acknowledgment helps reduce "the heat" during difficult moments without solving the problem for them, which might wrongly suggest that discomfort should be avoided.
However, over-emphasizing feelings to the point where they become the sole driver of decisions can also be detrimental, preventing children from developing competence
Kennedy argues for a balanced approach that validates feelings while encouraging children to see a more competent version of themselves. She contends that while it's important to empathize with children, parents still need to perform necessary actions that may oppose the child's current feelings, like going to a birthday party despite reluctance.
Oster speaks out against sliding from authoritative to permissive parenting, cautioning against a heavy emphasis on children feeling unbothered, as it can erode meaningful boundary-setting. She points out that parents should not allow feelings to become primary to the extent of overriding other important considerations, such as family commitments.
Kennedy makes an analogy comparing parents to pilots who must acknowledge passengers’ fears without letting it sway their decisions. She agree ...
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Balancing validating children's feelings with maintaining parental authority and not letting feelings dictate all decisions
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- The concept of not allowing feelings to become primary means that while it's crucial to acknowledge emotions, decisions should not be solely based on them. It emphasizes the importance of considering other factors like responsibilities, commitments, and long-term goals when making choices. This approach aims to prevent emotions from overshadowing rational thinking and essential considerations in decision-making. By maintaining a balance between acknowledging feelings and prioritizing other important aspects, individuals can make more well-rounded and informed decisions.
- Understanding children as competent means recognizing their abilities and potential to learn and grow. By viewing children in this light, parents can set appropriate boundar ...
Counterarguments
- While validating children's feelings is important, there may be situations where immediate safety or compliance is necessary, and addressing feelings may need to be postponed.
- Some argue that too much validation of feelings can lead to a sense of entitlement or inability to deal with rejection and failure later in life.
- There is a perspective that suggests that children need to learn that not all feelings need to be acted upon or given attention, which can be a valuable life skill.
- Critics might say that the concept of maintaining authority can sometimes be used to justify overly strict or inflexible parenting styles that do not adapt to the individual needs of the child.
- There is a debate about the extent to which children are capable of handling certain tasks and challenges, with some suggesting that parents may need to step in more often than suggested to provide guidance and support.
- Some experts believe that the focus on not letting feelings dictate decisions could inadvertently minimize the importance of emotional intelligence and the ability to make decisions based on a combination of feelings and rational thought.
- The analogy of parents as pilots may not fully ...
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The importance of allowing children to develop competence and resilience by experiencing discomfort and difficulty, rather than always shielding them
Becky Kennedy and Emily Oster discuss the essential process of children encountering and overcoming challenges to develop competence and resilience, cautioning against the consequences of over-protection.
By shielding children from discomfort and not allowing them to work through challenges independently, parents may be inadvertently stunting their development of problem-solving skills and self-reliance
Opportunities to experience difficulty, make mistakes, and build confidence
Kennedy highlights the importance of children feeling competent and the sense of satisfaction derived from overcoming struggles. By constantly shielding children from discomfort and always striving to make them happy, parents might deprive them of opportunities to build competence. Oster relays Schrier's argument supporting the need for children to do things independently from a young age, emphasizing that overprotection can hinder the development of problem-solving skills necessary for adulthood.
Kennedy argues that parents should help children understand that challenging feelings are a part of facing new experiences. This approach not only helps in building competence but also cultivates resilience. She further asserts that parents should not do tasks for their children or allow them to opt-out of uncomfortable situations, as this teaches them to avoid discomfort and limits the range of experiences they are willing to engage in, hampering their capacity to handle future challenges.
Navigating discomfort and fostering self-reliance
Kennedy places importance on children working through challenges to develop a sense of self-competence. She advocates for acknowledging children's feelings of discomfort while simultaneously expressing confidence in their capability to cope and progress. Kennedy advises against doing tasks for the child, suggesting instead that facing and overcoming difficulty independently can lead to a significant sense of achievement.
Kennedy suggests a strategy of gradually helping children manage difficulties, like walking them part of the way to a destination and then allowing them to continue on their own. This practice can build their confidence and pride in their abilities. She compares this to the need for empathy in decision-making, advocating for a balance between comforting feelings and taking actions that provide long-term benefits.
Kennedy and Oster discuss the value of letting children experience the consequences of their actions and learning from them. They mention simple examples, such as forgetting a water bottle or homework, and argue against intervening in such situations. Doing so robs children of the opportunity to grow and learn from their mistakes, potentially hindering the development of their competence.
...
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The importance of allowing children to develop competence and resilience by experiencing discomfort and difficulty, rather than always shielding them
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Clarifications
- Accommodating extreme discomfort by changing family plans means altering or adjusting family activities or routines to avoid situations that cause significant distress or unease to a child. This behavior can reinforce the idea that discomfort will always be alleviated by others, potentially hindering the child's development of autonomy and resilience. It can lead to a pattern where the child expects others to cater to their discomfort, impacting their ability to cope with challenges independently. This practice may prevent children from learning how to manage and overcome difficult emotions or situations effectively.
- When parents consistently change plans or cater to a child's extreme discomfort, it reinforces a behavior pattern where the child learns that their discomfort will always be alleviated by others. This can lead to the child expecting others to acco ...
Counterarguments
- While facing challenges is important, children also need a safe and supportive environment to thrive; too much exposure to difficulty without adequate support can lead to stress and anxiety.
- The developmental stage of the child should be considered; what is appropriate for a teenager may not be suitable for a younger child.
- There is a fine line between allowing children to face natural consequences and neglecting to provide necessary guidance and support.
- Overemphasis on independence can sometimes disregard the importance of community and interdependence; children also need to learn the value of seeking and offering help.
- Not all discomfort is beneficial; some experiences may be harmful or traumatic rather than educational.
- The concept of resilience can be misapplied to justify not addressing systemic issues that children should not have to overcome on their own, such as bullying or poverty.
- Cultural differences in parenting styles mean that what works in one cultural context may not be appropriate or effective in another.
- The focus on not doing tasks for children might ove ...
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The broader trend of declining mental health in children and young adults, and potential contributing factors
The mental health of children and young adults is deteriorating, a troubling trend that experts like Emily Oster have identified.
Increasing mental health issues among youth
There is a documented rise in mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and the use of medication among young people. This worsening trend is not a byproduct of the COVID-19 pandemic; rather, it appears to be part of a longer-term pattern that has been developing over many years.
Emily Oster emphasizes that the concerns span a wide age range, affecting not just adolescents but also young adults into their early twenties. Oster signals that these issues are pervasive and significant, necessitating urgent action to enhance the resilience and competence of young people.
Potential contributing factors
Various experts have suggested that the decline in mental health among youth is multi-faceted, extending beyond parenting approaches. Oster and others argue that technology and social media could be influential in this decline. There is a growing consensus that our d ...
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The broader trend of declining mental health in children and young adults, and potential contributing factors
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Emily Oster, an expert in economics and public health, has highlighted the increasing mental health issues among children and young adults. She emphasizes that these concerns affect a wide age range, from adolescents to young adults in their early twenties. Oster suggests that factors like technology and social media may be contributing to the decline in youth mental health. Her work underscores the importance of addressing these complex factors and supporting young individuals in building resilience and coping skills.
- The impact of technology and social media on youth mental health is a complex issue. Studies suggest that excessive use of social media can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness in young people. The constant comparison to idealized images and lifestyles on social platforms can negatively affect self-esteem and mental well-being. Additionally, the addictive nature of technology can disrupt sleep patterns and contribute to a decline in overall mental health.
- Understanding the complex factors affecting youth mental health involves considering a range of interconnected elements such as family dynamics, societal pressures, bi ...
Counterarguments
- While there is evidence of a rise in reported mental health issues, some argue that this could be due to increased awareness and reduced stigma around mental health, leading to more people seeking help and reporting their conditions.
- The role of social media and technology in mental health decline is complex and not entirely negative; some studies suggest that digital platforms can also provide support and positive engagement for young people.
- The assertion that the mental health trend is not solely due to the COVID-19 pandemic might overlook the significant and potentially long-lasting impacts that the pandemic has had on the mental health of young people.
- The focus on resilience and competence might inadvertently place the responsibility for mental health on young people themselves, rather than addressing systemic issues that contribute to mental health challenges.
- The idea that there is a uniform decline in mental health among youth may not account for the variability in experiences across different demographics, such as socioeconomic status, race, and cultural backgrounds.
- Some experts may argue that the emphasis on individual factors like technology use detracts from other societal and structural issues that impact mental health, such as ...
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1-Page Summary- The book "Bad Therapy" and its central argument about modern parenting contributing to mental health problems in children
- Balancing validating children's feelings with maintaining parental authority and not letting feelings dictate all decisions
- The importance of allowing children to develop competence and resilience by experiencing discomfort and difficulty, rather than always shielding them
- The broader trend of declining mental health in children and young adults, and potential contributing factors
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