Confidence Classic: Redefine Success and Create Limitless Possibility with Laura Gassner Otting
In this episode of Creating Confidence, Heather Monahan and Laura Gassner Otting discuss how authentic confidence develops through experience rather than through "faking it." Drawing from her time at the White House, Otting explains that true confidence stems from repeatedly handling challenges and building competence. The conversation explores workplace dynamics, including Monahan's insights on dealing with workplace bullying and building supportive professional networks.
Otting introduces the concept of "consonance"—the alignment between work and personal values—breaking it down into four components: calling, connection, contribution, and control. The discussion examines how individuals can assess their current state of consonance and make improvements, with Monahan sharing her own experience of finding greater meaning and control after transitioning from corporate America to entrepreneurship.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jul 30, 2025 episode of the Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
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1-Page Summary
Authentic Confidence and Personal Growth
In their discussion, Heather and Laura Gassner Otting explore the foundations of genuine confidence and personal development. Otting challenges the "fake it till you make it" mentality, drawing from her experience at the White House to demonstrate how authenticity trumps façade. She explains that true confidence comes from repeatedly handling challenges and building competence through experience.
The speakers emphasize the importance of embracing authenticity over perfection, with both sharing how vulnerability and genuine experiences create deeper connections with audiences. Otting particularly notes how turning stage mistakes into humor has strengthened her presentations.
Navigating Workplace Dynamics and Relationships
Heather Monahan shares her experiences with what she calls "toxic vampires" in corporate America—colleagues who attempt to sabotage and discourage others' initiatives. She advocates for distancing oneself from negative influences and instead building a supportive network that encourages growth and innovation.
The discussion turns to workplace bullying, with Monahan's TED Talk on women bullying women generating significant response. Her LinkedIn post reached over 850,000 people, revealing numerous stories of workplace bullying and its impact, particularly on introverts and women.
Aligning Work and Personal Values For Fulfillment
Laura Gassner Otting introduces the concept of "consonance"—a harmonious alignment between work and personal values. She breaks this down into four components: calling, connection, contribution, and control. Rather than simply following passion, Otting suggests examining what truly matters in life and work.
To help individuals assess their current state of consonance, Otting offers an assessment tool at limitlessassessment.com. This tool measures how well one's current situation aligns with their aspirations across all four components and provides guidance for improvement. Monahan reflects on finding her own consonance after leaving corporate America, now feeling more connected to meaningful work while maintaining control as her own boss.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- Authenticity is important, but there may be situations where "fake it till you make it" can help individuals overcome initial fears or imposter syndrome.
- While handling challenges builds confidence, some individuals may also gain confidence through other means such as education, mentorship, or reflective practices.
- Embracing authenticity over perfection is valuable, but striving for excellence can also be a positive trait that drives personal and professional growth.
- Turning mistakes into humor can be effective, but it might not be suitable for all audiences or cultures, where it could be seen as unprofessional.
- Distancing oneself from negative influences is generally good advice, but it may not always be possible, especially in professional settings where one must navigate complex relationships and power dynamics.
- Workplace bullying is a serious issue, but the discussion could benefit from exploring systemic factors that contribute to such environments, rather than focusing solely on individual behaviors.
- The concept of consonance is compelling, but it may not account for the fact that some individuals may find fulfillment in work that does not align perfectly with their personal values due to various life circumstances.
- The assessment tool provided by Otting could be helpful, but it may not capture the full complexity of an individual's life and aspirations, and it may not be a substitute for more personalized guidance or counseling.
- While finding consonance can lead to more meaningful work, it's important to acknowledge that not everyone has the privilege or opportunity to leave unsatisfying jobs or pursue work that aligns with their values.
Actionables
- You can start a "confidence journal" to track your growth through challenges. Each day, write down a challenge you faced and how you handled it, focusing on the skills you used and what you learned. This practice will help you see your progress over time and reinforce your authentic confidence.
- Create a "supportive network map" to visualize and actively cultivate a positive environment. Draw a map with yourself at the center and add branches for different areas of your life, like work, family, and hobbies. For each branch, list individuals who are supportive and those who are not. Focus on strengthening connections with the supportive individuals and consider ways to minimize interactions with the negative influences.
- Develop a personal "values blueprint" to guide your decisions and ensure they align with your aspirations. Write down your top personal and professional values, then create a flowchart that connects each decision you face to these values. Before making a decision, trace it through the flowchart to see if it aligns with your values, helping you to achieve consonance in your actions.
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Authentic Confidence and Personal Growth
Confidence Through Competence and Experience, Not Faking
Heather and Laura Gassner Otting delve into the roots of confidence, emphasizing that true confidence arises from competence, which is built through experience and overcoming challenges.
True Confidence Comes From Repeatedly Proving You Can Handle Challenges, Not "Fake It Till You Make It"
Otting dismisses the "fake it till you make it" mantra, reflecting on her White House tenure at 22 where she realized that projecting a façade hinders genuine learning and networking. She stresses that confidence stems from repeatedly handling challenges, like incrementally increasing running distances from a mile to a 5K or 10K.
Otting recalls advising a student from an entrepreneurship class, emphasizing the importance of having a survivable plan B to concentrate on plan A, and shares her experience of preparing for a successful TV appearance, which was effective due to her deep familiarity with the material. Laura Gassner Otting talks about the importance of having confidence in one's work and not letting others define success for you, suggesting that effective planning for success can lead to actual success and the ability to capitalize on it. Otting also reflects on her early career and her experience working at the White House, where she felt out of place and pretended to fit in, which ultimately led to missing out on learning and networking opportunities.
Embracing Your Authentic Self and Vulnerabilities
Authenticity stands as a core value in personal growth, with Otting and Heather revealing their journeys of embracing their true selves.
Embrace Authenticity Over Perfection
Both speakers denounce the "shiny Facebook photo" facade and advocate for embracing vulnerabilities, challenging oneself, and sharing genuine experiences—including failures. Otting recounts how she learned to be herself on stage, valuing emotional connection over external judgment or internal doubt. She further explains that authenticity creates deeper connections with audiences, citing times she's turned mistakes into humor on stage.
Investing In Your Passions, Not Just Pursuing Them
Laura Gassner Otting advises against the oversimplifi ...
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Authentic Confidence and Personal Growth
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While true confidence can come from competence, some individuals may benefit from "acting as if" they have confidence in the short term to help them take the first steps towards building competence.
- Having a plan B can sometimes distract from plan A, as it may split focus and resources, potentially undermining the commitment to the primary goal.
- Planning for success is important, but it's also crucial to recognize that not all successful outcomes can be planned for; sometimes, serendipity and adaptability are key.
- Authenticity is valuable, but there are contexts, such as professional environments, where a degree of conformity might be necessary for success or harmony in the workplace.
- Embracing vulnerabilities is important, but so is maintaining a level of professionalism and composure, especially in high-stakes or public-facing roles.
- Investing in passions is important, but practical considerations such as financial stability and job market demands cannot always be ignored in favor of passion alone.
- The advice to "follow your passion" may be simplistic, but for some, it serves as a necessary encouragement to pursue fulfilling work rather than settling for an unfulfilling career.
- While passion can be developed through ...
Actionables
- You can track your confidence growth by keeping a "Challenge Journal" where you document each challenge you face, the actions you took, and the outcomes. This will help you see your progress over time and understand that your confidence is built on real experiences. For example, if you're afraid of public speaking, write down each time you speak in front of others, what went well, what didn't, and how you felt afterward. Over time, you'll likely see an improvement in your skills and confidence.
- Develop a "Plan B Portfolio" to reduce anxiety about taking risks. Write down backup plans for your important projects, which will allow you to focus more on succeeding with your primary goals. For instance, if you're working on a new business idea, your Plan B could be freelancing in your field of expertise. Knowing you have a fallback can empower you to invest more energy and creativity into your Plan A.
- Create a "Passion Progression Map" to actively invest in your passions through growth. Start by identifying a passion or interest, then map out small, ...
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Navigating Workplace Dynamics and Relationships
Heather Monahan and Laura Gassner Otting explore the complexities of workplace dynamics, advocating for oneself, and addressing harassment, particularly for women in professional settings.
Overcoming Unsupportive or Sabotaging Colleagues
Facing Opposition From Toxic Vampires
Heather Monahan describes her past corporate America experience where colleagues tried to sabotage her and didn't support her initiatives. She refers to these negative influencers as "toxic vampires"—individuals who shoot down creative or ambitious ideas. Monahan advises distancing oneself from these individuals and instead, surrounding oneself with a supportive "framily" that encourages exploring and assessing ideas. Otting and Monahan discuss the resentment or discouragement one may face from those who feel insecure about their own positions as you grow and pursue greater achievements.
Advocating For Yourself and Your Worth
Encourage Asking For Deserved Roles and Opportunities
Heather Monahan suggests taking action rather than staying in an unsupportive work environment. Upon receiving unsettling news about her podcast, she showed resilience by immediately considering options and taking quick actions to find solutions. Otting discusses promoting Monahan and encouraging viewership of Monahan's TED Talk as a means of advocacy. Both emphasize recognizing one's accomplishments, the importance of self-promotion, and networking through platforms like LinkedIn to elevate their brand by investing in themselves.
Monahan encouraged a woman who received a job offer from another firm to take the chance on herself rather than staying in a current and unsupportive job, emphasizing that fear of change should not be a deterrent. Monahan advises listeners to show up as the best version of themselves and to pursue the roles and opportunities they deserve without compromising growth to appease others who are threatened by success.
Addressing Workplace Bullying and Harassment, Especially By Women
Ted Talk Ignites Responses; Bullying and Marginalization Stories Shared
Heather Monahan discusses her TED Talk, which focuses on the problem of women bullying other women—a topic often considered ...
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Navigating Workplace Dynamics and Relationships
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Counterarguments
- While distancing oneself from "toxic vampires" can be beneficial, it's also important to develop strategies to deal with difficult people, as one cannot always control their work environment.
- Advocating for oneself is crucial, but it should be balanced with humility and teamwork to avoid being perceived as overly self-promotional or not a team player.
- Networking and self-promotion are important, but they should not replace the quality of work and actual performance as the primary means of advancing one's career.
- Encouraging people to leave unsupportive work environments is good advice, but it's also important to consider the potential risks and challenges associated with changing jobs, such as financial instability or a mismatch with the new company culture.
- Addressing workplace bullying is essential, but solutions should also focus on systemic changes within organizations, including better policies and training, rather than solely on individual actions.
- The focus on women bullying other women might unintentionally overshadow t ...
Actionables
- You can create a personal "advocacy journal" to document your accomplishments and positive feedback, which you can refer to during self-promotion or networking opportunities. Start by writing down any positive comments you receive, projects you've completed successfully, or instances where you've gone above and beyond at work. This journal serves as a tangible reminder of your value and can boost your confidence when advocating for yourself.
- Develop a "support squad" by reaching out to colleagues who share your values and commitment to a positive work environment. Organize regular meet-ups or virtual check-ins to share experiences, offer support, and strategize on professional growth. This group can act as a sounding board and provide encouragement when dealing with workplace challenges.
- Initiate a peer-led workshop on constructive communication and ...
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Aligning Work and Personal Values For Fulfillment
Laura Gassner Otting and Heather Monahan draw attention to the importance of defining personal versions of success and the quest for a fulfilling life, challenging the idea that following passion is the sole path to achievement.
Defining Your Own Version of Success and Fulfillment
Laura Gassner Otting expresses skepticism about the blanket advice to "follow your passion," urging individuals to deeply examine what truly matters to them in life and work. She emphasizes that success should be personal, aligning with one's own values and aspirations. Otting suggests redefining success and fulfillment away from someone else's standards such as stable careers and material achievements, moving towards what genuinely aligns with one's values and what is truly important for personal life and work. She indicates that individual callings can be as diverse as curing cancer or acquiring material possessions, reinforcing that there is no singular definition of a worthy purpose.
Speaker Rejects "Following Your Passion," Urges Examining What Truly Matters and Life and Work to Create
The host Heather Monahan echoes Otting’s thoughts, sharing her own struggle with aligning her work in corporate America with her personal desire for fulfillment. She discusses the difficulty of transitioning toward fulfilling work due to uncertainty and the expectations of others but ultimately supports the importance of actively pursuing work that aligns with personal values and brings joy.
Achieving "Consonance" Between Your Work, Values, and Lifestyle
Gassner Otting introduces the concept of "consonance," a harmonious alignment between one's work and their values. She breaks down consonance into four components: calling, connection, contribution, and control. The aim is to ensure that what one does matches everything that they are, leading to a feeling of being limitless and tackling any challenge. This state of flow occurs when the best of what you do is applied to solve problems that matter to you, and you are rewarded in ways that are personally satisfying.
"Consonance: Aligning Calling, Connections, Contributions, and Control"
Otting explains that calling is about having a greater purpose, connection pertains to whether your work aligns with th ...
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Aligning Work and Personal Values For Fulfillment
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- Success and fulfillment are subjective, and while personal values are important, societal and cultural expectations can also play a significant role in how individuals define these concepts.
- The idea of "following your passion" may be overly simplistic, but it can still be a valid starting point for many people to explore what they find meaningful in work and life.
- The concept of "consonance" may not account for the complexity of life where conflicting demands can make perfect alignment between work and values challenging to achieve.
- The four components of consonance (calling, connection, contribution, and control) may not be equally attainable or desirable for everyone, depending on their life circumstances and personal priorities.
- The effectiveness of an online assessment in providing meaningful guidance for achieving consonance could vary greatly among individuals, and it may not replace the insights gained from personal reflection or professional counseling.
- Leaving a stable career to find fulfillment, as Heather Monahan did, might not be feasible or responsible for ...
Actionables
- Create a personal values vision board to visually align your goals with your values. Start by gathering images, quotes, and items that represent your core values and aspirations. Arrange them on a board or digital canvas, placing your career and personal goals amidst these values. This visual representation can serve as a daily reminder and guide for making decisions that lead to fulfillment.
- Develop a "values journal" to track daily activities and their alignment with your values. Each evening, jot down the key activities you engaged in and rate how well they matched your values on a scale of 1-10. Over time, you'll identify patterns and can make informed decisions to adjust your actions, aiming for activities that consistently score higher on your personal fulfillment scale.
- Initiate a "consonance conver ...
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