Confidence Classic: Turn Your Passion Into Purpose with Jess Ekstrom
In this episode of Creating Confidence, Heather Monahan and guest Jess Ekstrom explore how to transform perspectives on failure and challenges. Through personal examples, including Ekstrom's experience with Headbands of Hope and Monahan's transition from corporate life, they discuss how reframing setbacks as opportunities for research and growth can lead to better outcomes than remaining stuck in uncertainty.
The conversation delves into managing personal anxieties, setting boundaries in professional relationships, and finding meaningful work that aligns passion with purpose. Ekstrom shares insights from her journey of building a purpose-driven business that helps children with cancer, while Monahan details her shift from viewing work solely as a means of financial gain to pursuing ventures that reflect her values. Their discussion emphasizes the role of authentic storytelling and persistent belief in achieving goals.
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1-Page Summary
Reframing Failure and Challenges As Opportunities
Jess Ekstrom and Heather Monahan discuss transforming perspectives on failure and challenges. At her company Headbands of Hope, Ekstrom reframes failures as "research" opportunities, viewing setbacks as valuable data-gathering experiences rather than dead ends. This mindset helped her persevere even after losing a $10,000 investment in her business.
Both speakers emphasize that the pain of failure is preferable to the perpetual uncertainty of regret. Monahan illustrates this through her experience of leaving a challenging work environment, which led to unexpected opportunities. Ekstrom adds that taking action and engaging with challenges brings more clarity than endless planning, sharing how her family turned a public scandal into an opportunity for growth.
Overcoming Fear and Shame
The speakers share insights on managing personal anxieties and shame. Ekstrom reveals how her initial fears about sharing personal stories in her book were transformed when readers connected with her honesty. Similarly, Monahan describes how directly addressing shame, rather than suppressing it, helped free her from its influence.
Both emphasize the importance of embracing imperfection and surrounding oneself with supportive, non-judgmental people. Monahan suggests that clear communication and boundary-setting in workplace relationships can create an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
Finding Purpose and Meaning
Monahan describes her transformative realization in her late 30s that work could align with passion rather than just financial gain. Ekstrom shares how she redefined success through Headbands of Hope, creating a business that combines profit with purpose by donating headbands to children with cancer.
The speakers discuss the challenges of the entrepreneurial journey, with Monahan describing her transition from corporate life to entrepreneurship. Ekstrom emphasizes that success comes not from initial resources but from persistent belief in possibilities. She also highlights the power of authentic storytelling, sharing how her speaking career evolved from speaking for pizza to creating Mic Drop Workshop, which empowers women to earn from sharing their stories.
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Counterarguments
- While reframing failures as research opportunities can be beneficial, it's important to acknowledge that not all failures provide valuable insights and some may simply be the result of poor decision-making or uncontrollable factors.
- The idea that the pain of failure is better than the uncertainty of regret might not resonate with everyone; some individuals may find that taking a more cautious approach to decision-making that avoids potential failure is more aligned with their values or circumstances.
- Leaving a challenging work environment does not always lead to unexpected opportunities; for some, it may lead to financial instability or difficulty finding new employment.
- Taking action is important, but endless planning should not be undervalued as it can sometimes prevent costly mistakes and ensure better preparedness.
- Turning a public scandal into a growth opportunity may not be feasible for everyone, as the nature and severity of the scandal can have lasting negative impacts that are difficult to overcome.
- Sharing personal stories can be powerful, but it also carries the risk of overexposure or unintended consequences, such as privacy violations or misinterpretation by the audience.
- Embracing imperfection is a positive mindset, but in some professional contexts, high standards and a degree of perfectionism may be necessary for success.
- While setting clear boundaries is important, it can sometimes be challenging to do so without causing friction or misunderstanding in workplace relationships.
- Aligning work with passion is ideal, but it may not be practical or possible for everyone, especially those with financial constraints or limited opportunities.
- Combining profit with purpose is commendable, but it may not always be sustainable or applicable in all business models.
- The transition from corporate life to entrepreneurship is often romanticized, but it can also lead to significant financial risk and personal stress.
- Persistent belief in possibilities is important, but without the necessary resources, skills, or market conditions, success may still be unattainable.
- Authentic storytelling can enhance a career, but it also requires a receptive audience and the right platforms, which may not be accessible to everyone.
- The evolution of a speaking career as described by Ekstrom may not reflect the typical experience and could set unrealistic expectations for others trying to follow a similar path.
Actionables
- Turn a personal setback into a learning project by documenting your experiences and analyzing what went wrong and what could be improved. For instance, if you failed to secure a promotion, create a "Project Promotion" file where you jot down the feedback received, your own assessment of your skills, and a plan for professional development.
- Craft a "Regret Minimization Framework" for decision-making by envisioning your future self reflecting back on the choices you're currently facing. Write down how you might feel about not taking the opportunities before you and use this as a guide to make bolder choices that align with your long-term satisfaction.
- Start a "Passion Alignment Diary" where you track daily activities and rate how much joy and fulfillment they bring you. Over time, analyze the patterns to identify which tasks consistently resonate with your passions, and strategize ways to increase their presence in your professional life.
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Reframing Failure and Challenges As Opportunities
Jess Ekstrom and Heather Monahan explore the value of adopting a new perspective on failure and challenges, encouraging individuals to view these experiences as opportunities for growth and learning rather than setbacks.
Reframe Failures As "Research" Rather Than Dead Ends
Ekstrom reshapes the concept of failure by referring to it as "research" at her company, Headbands of Hope. She suggests viewing each hiccup or speed bump as collecting data to make informed decisions about what to do next. This reframing of failure from a negative outcome to a constructive one allows individuals to see their mistakes as part of the learning and growth process. Ekstrom shares how she maintained resilience after a significant setback when she lost a $10,000 investment in her business but continued on, viewing it as a test of resilience rather than a defining failure.
Failures as Data-Gathering Opportunities to Foster Resilience
Both Ekstrom and Monahan discuss the importance of taking bold risks and confronting fears despite the potential for failure. Monahan emphasizes that engaging with challenges can lead to opportunities, and Ekstrom adds that each failure provides new information and is part of the journey rather than an end. Confronting fear and moving forward, they suggest, leads to experiences that surpass the pain of failing.
Recognize That Failure Is Often Better Than Regret
Ekstrom and Monahan argue that the pain of failure is more desirable than the self-doubt that comes from avoiding risks and missing out on potential opportunities. Ekstrom describes failure as providing clear answers and opens the door to outcomes initially unconsidered, contrasting this with the unending uncertainty of not knowing what could have been. Heather recounts leaving a challenging work environment, leading to a significant opportunity, further reinforcing the idea of taking action rather than succumbing to fear or uncertainty.
Pain of Failure Is Better Than Uncertain Self-Doubt From Avoiding Risks and New Attempts
Heather Monahan speaks of overcoming setbacks, like being unable to secure a specific social media username for her brand, but learning that the specific name did not matter in the end. After leaving a negative work situation, she took a risk that ultimately paid off. Ekstrom contrasts the pain of failure with the perpetual self-doubt that comes from not taking risks at all.
Em ...
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Reframing Failure and Challenges As Opportunities
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While reframing failures as opportunities for growth is beneficial, it's important to acknowledge that not all failures lead to positive outcomes, and some can have lasting negative impacts.
- Viewing failures as "research" may not always be applicable, especially in high-stakes situations where failure can have severe consequences.
- The idea that failures foster resilience might not hold true for everyone; repeated failures can sometimes lead to diminished self-esteem and motivation.
- Taking bold risks is not always the best approach; calculated risks with contingency plans might be more prudent in certain circumstances.
- The assertion that failure is preferable to self-doubt can be overly simplistic, as some individuals may learn better through cautious exploration rather than through the experience of failure.
- The concept that failure provides clear answers may not always be accurate; some failures result in confusion a ...
Actionables
- You can start a "Failure Resume" to document and analyze your setbacks. Unlike a traditional resume, this document would list your failures, what you learned from each, and how you've grown or plan to grow because of them. For example, if you applied for a promotion and didn't get it, write down why you think you were passed over and what skills or experiences you could gain to improve your chances next time.
- Create a "Risk Challenge" calendar where you commit to taking a small risk every day for a month. These risks could be as simple as trying a new food, asking for feedback on your work, or initiating a conversation with a stranger. The goal is to normalize the feeling of risk and learn from the outcomes, not necessarily to succeed every time.
- Develop a "Growth Game Plan" by identifying a skill or area you want to improve, then set up a ...
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Overcoming Fear and Shame
Jess Ekstrom and Heather Monahan share insights into dealing with personal anxieties and pressures, suggesting that embracing vulnerability and seeking supportive communities can mitigate the impacts of fear and shame.
Shine Light On Shame to Free Yourself
Both speakers reveal their approaches to confronting and dispelling shame.
Suppressing Shame Can Cause Subconscious Manifestations, Whereas Addressing It Alleviates Its Power
Jess Ekstrom discusses how she felt anxiety leading up to her book launch, fearing the judgment of others on personal stories she had never shared publicly. The positive feedback from readers who connected with her honesty helped her understand that addressing these personal stories alleviated the power of shame. Similarly, Monahan describes how attempting to bury shame caused it to resurface in unwelcome ways in her life. She found that by shining a light on shame, acknowledging and addressing it directly, she was able to end the shame and free herself from its influence.
Reject the Pressure to Be "Perfect"
Embracing imperfection is another theme discussed by the speakers.
Acknowledge Imperfection; a Facade of Perfection Is Counterproductive
Ekstrom reflects on her initial reluctance to reveal her business setbacks, fearing she might be seen as a fraud. However, sharing her failures turned into cathartic and educational moments for others. This openness about mistakes was not only liberating but also helpful to others. Monahan also realizes that trying to hide imperfections is unnecessary; her son’s observation that nobody cares significantly about these flaws led her to understand that people are more concerned with their own lives and enjoyment.
Surround Yourself With Non-judgmental People
The final theme that emerges is the imp ...
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Overcoming Fear and Shame
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Counterarguments
- While embracing vulnerability can be beneficial, it's also important to maintain personal boundaries and not overshare in contexts where it may not be safe or appropriate.
- Addressing shame directly can be helpful, but it may not be a one-size-fits-all solution; some individuals may require professional help to deal with deep-seated shame.
- The idea that suppressing shame leads to subconscious manifestations might oversimplify complex psychological issues and not account for individual differences in coping mechanisms.
- The notion of rejecting the pressure to be perfect, while positive, might overlook the role that striving for excellence plays in personal growth and achievement.
- Sharing failures can be helpful, but it's also important to recognize the potential for negative repercussions in certain professional or social contexts.
- The assertion that people are more concerned with their own lives than with others' flaws might not hold true in highly competitive or judgmental environments.
- The advice to surround oneself with non-judgmental people is sound, but it may not always be feasible, especially in professional settings where judgment can play a role in performance evaluations.
- Seeking supportive communities is important, but it's also crucial to develop resilience and the ability to cope independently.
- Clear communication and ...
Actionables
- Start a personal "Vulnerability Journal" where you write about your fears, failures, and imperfections daily. This practice encourages you to confront and process your feelings instead of suppressing them. For example, if you're afraid of public speaking, journal about what scares you and why, then reflect on small steps you can take to address this fear.
- Create a "Shame Box" art project where you decorate a small box and fill it with notes describing moments you've felt shame. Periodically, open the box, read a note, and talk about it with a trusted friend or family member. This transforms shame from a hidden burden into a shared experience, lessening its power and helping you find support.
- Orga ...
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Finding Purpose and Meaning
Seeking purpose and meaning in life is a journey that many undertake, and it becomes profoundly powerful when aligned with professional pursuits. Public figures like Heather Monahan and Jess Ekstrom share their experiences in finding purpose through passion, persistence, and the sharing of their authentic stories to inspire others.
Clarify Your True Passions and Interests
Reflect On Pursuing Intrinsically Rewarding Activities if Money Were No Object
Heather Monahan's realization in her late 30s that work could align with passion and purpose was transformative. It marked a departure from her earlier understanding that work was solely about making money. Ekstrom reflects on redefining the American dream for herself, desiring more than stability and a routine job. She found intrinsic reward in starting Headbands of Hope, a company that donates headbands to children with cancer. This venture reflects a path she might have followed even if financial incentives were not the primary motivation.
Monahan suggests remembering what you love to do and gradually moving towards it, even if it starts as a weekend or nighttime activity. This gradual approach can lead to a position where one's life is fully aligned with their passions. She shares an example of a friend who used her law background in fashion law, melding her profession with her passion for fashion, emphasizing that having a talent does not restrict you to one path.
Persist Through the Challenges of the Entrepreneurial Journey
Path To Fulfilling Work: Stay Committed To Your "why" to Overcome Obstacles
Both Monahan and Ekstrom acknowledge that the path to fulfilling work is not without its challenges. Monahan describes her transition from a high-paying corporate job to becoming an entrepreneur, reiterating that such a move is rewarding but demanding. Post-corporate life meant becoming a "rookie" again, with challenges to her self-belief and perseverance. However, she stayed committed to her vision and focused on her "why."
Ekstrom illustrates the entrepreneurial spirit in the early days of Headbands of Hope, beginning with an idea and pursuing it, even without the know-how of making headbands. She shares that her belief in optimism and creating a better future helped maintain her resilience during tough periods. It's not the initial resources or plans that differentiate the successful from the unsuccessful, but their rooted belief in possibilities, suggesting that sheer persistence is essential on the entrepreneurial journey.
Moreso, the backgrounds of both women influence their approaches to challenges and their perspective on success. Ekstrom, for instance, learned from her father's problem-solving lens, which later shaped her commitment to finding solutions and overcoming obstacles in her business.
Share Your Authentic Story to Inspire Others
Openly Discussing Failures and Struggles Can Empower Others
Ekstrom discusses the impact of storytelling through her commencement address, which led to speaking opportunities that complemented her mission. She went from her first speaking gig for a slice of pizza to holding around 50 engagements a year. Observing a dearth of women in the speaking arena, especially in tech and business, Ekstrom created Mic Drop Workshop to empower more women to speak a ...
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Finding Purpose and Meaning
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Counterarguments
- While pursuing passions can be fulfilling, it's not always feasible for everyone due to financial constraints or life circumstances, which may necessitate prioritizing job security and income over intrinsic rewards.
- The narrative that everyone should find their passion and align it with their work can create pressure and a sense of inadequacy for those who view work primarily as a means to an end.
- The stories of successful entrepreneurs often highlight the positive outcomes without adequately addressing the survivorship bias, which overlooks the many individuals who may have followed similar paths but did not succeed.
- The idea of sharing authentic stories and being vulnerable is powerful, but it also requires a safe environment and audience receptivity, which may not always be present.
- The emphasis on individual perseverance and optimism may underplay the role of systemic issues and external factors that can significantly impact entrepreneurial success.
- The concept of redefining the American dream is subjective and may not resonate with everyone, especially those who find fulfillment in traditional career paths or those who prioritize different values.
- The suggestion to remember what you love to do and gradually move towards it might oversimplify the complexities involved in changi ...
Actionables
- Start a "Passion Project Journal" to document daily activities you enjoy and how you feel during them, helping to identify potential passions that could align with your work. Keep this journal for a month, noting activities that consistently bring you joy and satisfaction. This could range from cooking to writing poetry. After a month, review your entries to find patterns and consider how these passions could be integrated into your career or side projects.
- Create a "Vulnerability Voice Memo" series where you record a short, daily audio clip discussing a challenge you faced and how you overcame it. Use your smartphone's voice memo app to record these clips. After a week, listen back to your recordings to understand how sharing your struggles and solutions can help you process experiences and connect with others on a deeper level.
- Develop a "Storytelling Swap ...
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