Confidence Classic: The Truth About Confidence, Criticism, and Real Legacy with Dr. Wendy Osefo
In this episode of Creating Confidence, Dr. Wendy Osefo and Heather Monahan explore the relationship between personal authenticity and professional success. Dr. Osefo shares her approach to managing multiple roles as a professor, TV personality, and mother, while discussing how she maintains her values and identity across different spheres of life. The conversation also covers her strategies for addressing imposter syndrome and navigating politically charged discussions.
Through personal stories, including Monahan's experience with her late mentor Bob, the episode examines how grief and loss can shape one's understanding of legacy. The discussion delves into practical aspects of work-life balance, the importance of support networks, and methods for maintaining meaningful relationships despite differences in viewpoints. Their conversation illustrates how authenticity and careful prioritization can help manage various personal and professional responsibilities.
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1-Page Summary
Authenticity, Confidence, and Personal Identity
Wendy Osefo emphasizes authenticity as her core value across all aspects of her life, from academia to television. She firmly believes in being genuine, stating she would "rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." When dealing with imposter syndrome, Osefo draws on Nigerian wisdom passed down from her father, viewing herself as a mentee in a learning phase rather than an inadequate expert. Her strong sense of identity, grounded in her achievements as the first Black woman to earn her PhD in her department and her activism work, allows her to maintain her values while navigating various roles.
Grief, Loss, and Legacy
Heather Monahan shares her experiences with her late mentor Bob, whose influence transformed her understanding of success and legacy. Bob emphasized the importance of helping others over achieving business metrics, standing by Monahan even after she was fired from her job. His passing during the pandemic deeply affected her, but his teachings continue to guide her work. Monahan honors Bob's memory by integrating his philosophy of mentorship and positive impact into her own life and career.
Work-Life Balance and Navigating Responsibilities
As a professor, commentator, TV star, and mother, Wendy Osefo manages her multiple roles through careful planning and prioritization. Rather than trying to do everything, she focuses on immediate needs and relies on a support network, including her husband, to ensure family coverage. Osefo embraces flexibility and self-forgiveness, acknowledging that being 100% present in all aspects of life isn't always possible.
Navigating Controversial and Polarizing Topics
Wendy Osefo approaches political and social discussions by emphasizing dialogue and understanding over antagonism. She maintains friendships across the political spectrum and promotes civil discourse by asking "why" to understand others' perspectives. When discussing sensitive topics like Black Lives Matter and police funding, Osefo focuses on education and explanation rather than confrontation. She demonstrates that meaningful relationships can exist despite political differences, using personal stories to foster mutual understanding.
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Counterarguments
- Authenticity can sometimes conflict with the need for diplomacy or strategic communication, especially in public roles.
- Drawing on cultural wisdom is valuable, but it's also important to recognize and integrate diverse perspectives and coping strategies for imposter syndrome.
- A strong sense of identity is beneficial, but it's also important to remain open to growth and change, which may sometimes challenge existing achievements and activism work.
- While helping others is a noble goal, it's also important to ensure that one's own needs and the needs of one's organization are met to sustain long-term positive impact.
- Honoring a mentor's legacy is commendable, but it's also important to critically evaluate their teachings and adapt them to new contexts and personal insights.
- Careful planning and prioritization are effective management strategies, but they may not always account for unexpected challenges or the dynamic nature of personal and professional life.
- Relying on a support network is essential, but it's also important to ensure that this reliance is sustainable and does not place undue burden on others.
- Embracing flexibility and self-forgiveness is healthy, but it's also crucial to maintain accountability and strive for improvement.
- Promoting dialogue and understanding is important, but there are situations where firm stances are necessary, especially when dealing with issues of injustice or harm.
- Maintaining friendships across the political spectrum is valuable, but it's also important to recognize when certain political views may be fundamentally incompatible with one's core values.
- Focusing on education and explanation is effective, but it's also important to acknowledge that some individuals may not be receptive to dialogue, requiring different approaches to advocacy and change.
Actionables
- You can cultivate authenticity by starting a daily reflection journal where you write about moments you felt genuine and times you felt you weren't being true to yourself. This practice will help you identify patterns and situations that challenge your authenticity, allowing you to plan for more genuine responses in the future.
- Enhance your support network by creating a "circle of strength" contact list on your phone, including friends, family, and colleagues who offer different perspectives and support. Reach out to at least one person from this list weekly to discuss challenges and successes, ensuring you have a well-rounded support system like Wendy Osefo does.
- Foster understanding in discussions by initiating a monthly "Dialogue Dinner" with friends or acquaintances from various backgrounds. Each dinner could focus on a different sensitive topic, where everyone is encouraged to share their views and learn from each other in a respectful and open environment, promoting dialogue and understanding as Wendy Osefo advocates.
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Authenticity, Confidence, and Personal Identity
Wendy Osefo Values Authenticity As Her Core Identity, Despite Perceptions or Judgments
Wendy Osefo emphasizes the importance of authenticity to her identity, regardless of her role as a professor, commentator, or TV show participant. She values being genuine, believing that this trait defines her reality on shows rather than the reverse. Unconcerned with whether everyone appreciates her presentation, Osefo confidently states, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." Her comfort with this idea reflects a strong sense of self that transcends public perception.
Wendy Prefers Being "Hated For Who I Am" Over "Loved For Who I'm Not."
Osefo upholds her principle of authenticity across all spheres of her life, from academia to television. She carries the same authenticity into shooting her TV show and finds solace in being genuine even if it does not resonate with everyone. Her stance on preferring dislike over insincere adoration underscores her commitment to her core self.
Wendy Reframes Imposter Syndrome as a Learning Phase Rather Than Not Belonging
Despite her established confidence, Wendy acknowledges feelings of imposter syndrome and doubts about fitting into certain environments. However, with inspiration from her Nigerian heritage, she shares a parable taught by her father, differentiating life into two stages: being a mentor or a mentee.
Wendy Applies Nigerian Wisdom to View Herself As a Learning Mentee, Not an Expert
She embraces this perspective to understand her imposter feelings as part of a "learning phase," viewing herself as a mentee who is acquiring knowledge, rather than as an expert. This principle helps her manage her imposter syndrome and ...
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Authenticity, Confidence, and Personal Identity
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Counterarguments
- Authenticity is subjective, and what one person views as genuine, another might see as a persona or performance, especially on reality TV.
- Being hated for one's authenticity can have negative personal and professional consequences, and it's not always a practical or desirable outcome.
- While reframing imposter syndrome as a learning phase is positive, it may oversimplify the complex feelings and experiences associated with imposter syndrome, which can require more than a change in perspective to overcome.
- The dichotomy of being either a mentor or a mentee might not encompass the full spectrum of roles and experiences one can have in life; learning and teaching can occur simultaneously.
- Navigating controversies without compromising values ...
Actionables
- Create a personal authenticity journal to track moments when you feel most genuine. Each day, jot down instances where you felt you were true to yourself, regardless of others' opinions. This practice will help you identify patterns in your behavior that align with your core values and encourage you to continue acting authentically.
- Reframe challenges as mentorship opportunities by starting a "Learning Phase" diary. Whenever you encounter a situation that triggers feelings of imposter syndrome, write it down as a learning opportunity, detailing what skills or knowledge you can gain from it. This shifts your perspective from feeling out of place to actively seeking growth.
- Develop a "Values Anchor" card that lists your co ...
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Grief, Loss, and Legacy
Heather Monahan shares her profound personal reflections on grief, loss, and the enduring value of legacy through her experiences with her late mentor Bob.
Heather Reflects On the Impact of Her Late Mentor, Bob
Heather Monahan reminisced about her relationship with Bob, who was a beacon of support in her life. Bob's battle with cancer and his eventual passing left a significant mark on Heather, who was already coping with the collective sorrows of the pandemic and political unrest. Bob's steadfast guidance on leaving a lasting, positive legacy deeply influenced Heather's perspective on life and success.
Bob Emphasized Leaving a Positive Legacy By Helping Others Over Tangible Achievements
Bob's unique take on success directed conversations away from raw business metrics toward an understanding of legacy—what each person leaves behind. To Bob, revenue and business achievements paled in comparison to the footprints one leaves in the sands of time. He instilled in Heather the value of considering her impact not only on her family but also on future generations.
Bob's Legacy Thrives In Heather Through His Lessons, Values, and Support, Which She Is Committed To Passing On
Even after Heather was unjustly fired from her job—a time when associates turned away—Bob stood unwaveringly by her side. He reached out to offer assurance and counsel when most needed. Heather treasures Bob's influence, which was particularly evident when she asked herself what Bob would advise her to do after his passing. She concluded he would want her to continue imparting value to others.
Heather's determination to carry on Bob's legacy is unwavering as she resolves to implement his teachings into her life's work. After Bob's passing, she thought about his unfulfilled book and the importance of making its contents known. Heather acknowledges that Bob's true legacy lay not in unfinished manuscripts but in the lessons and convictions that he so passiona ...
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Grief, Loss, and Legacy
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Actionables
- You can create a "legacy letter" to share your values and life lessons with loved ones, detailing how you hope to impact their lives and the broader community. Write a personal letter to family or friends expressing what you've learned about life, the values you hold dear, and how you hope to leave a positive mark on the world. This letter can serve as a tangible reminder of your intentions and a guide for others to understand and perhaps emulate the positive aspects of your character and actions.
- Start a "mentorship moment" routine by dedicating a few minutes each day to reach out and offer support, advice, or encouragement to someone in your network. It could be as simple as sending a supportive text message, offering to help with a problem, or sharing a resource you found valuable. This daily habit ensures you're actively contributing to others' growth and continuing the cycle of positive infl ...
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Work-Life Balance and Navigating Responsibilities
Wendy Osefo navigates a complex blend of professional and personal roles, including being a professor, commentator, TV star, and mother. She discusses her strategy for balancing these responsibilities, relying on her support network, embracing flexibility, and practicing self-forgiveness.
Wendy Juggles Professor, Commentator, Tv Star, and Mother Roles
Wendy, whose extensive bio includes roles as a professor at Johns Hopkins University, a political commentator, and a television personality, in addition to being a mother, actively manages her commitments to avoid overcommitting. She does not believe in trying to do it all and instead focuses on prioritizing based on immediate needs, whether that's her son's school project over TV appearances or opting for food delivery services while preparing for a debate.
Wendy Plans Around Key Events and Deadlines for Her Family, Work, and Personal Obligations to Avoid Overcommitting
To keep her life in balance, Wendy meticulously plans around her family, work, and personal obligations. She protects time in her schedule around key events, like her children’s school activities, accounting for preparation and even wardrobe considerations. By avoiding overcommitment, Wendy makes sure that she can effectively allocate her time and attention where it's most needed.
Wendy Relies On Her Husband and a Support Network to Ensure Someone Is Always Available for Their Family
In order to ensure that at least one parent is always available for their children, Wendy and her husband, an attorney, synchronize their calendars. Wendy also acknowledges the pressures she faced in trying ...
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Work-Life Balance and Navigating Responsibilities
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Counterarguments
- While Wendy's strategy of prioritizing tasks based on immediate needs is practical, it may not always align with long-term goals or commitments, which could require a different approach to prioritization.
- Meticulous planning around key events and deadlines is helpful, but it can also lead to a rigid schedule that might not accommodate unexpected changes or opportunities.
- Relying on a support network is essential, but it can sometimes place undue pressure on others or lead to dependency, which might not be sustainable in the long term.
- Embracing flexibility and self-forgiveness is important, but it's also crucial to maintain a certain level of accountability and not ...
Actionables
- You can use a digital task manager with a prioritization feature to sort your daily tasks by urgency and importance. Start by entering all your tasks into the app, then assign each a priority level based on deadlines and personal significance. For example, if you have a work deadline and a family event on the same day, you might prioritize preparation for the work deadline in the morning and allocate specific time in the afternoon for the family event, ensuring both get the attention they need.
- Develop a family calendar that everyone can access and contribute to, ensuring shared responsibilities and support. This could be a shared online calendar where each family member can add their schedules and important events. Use color-coding for each person to quickly see who is available and when, making it easier to coordinate who can take care of family needs at any given time.
- Create a personal "flexibility pact" where you set rules for when and how to adjust your plans without gu ...
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Navigating Controversial and Polarizing Topics
Wendy Osefo, known for her public life as someone who marches for Black lives and speaks truth to power in politics, addresses the necessity for dialogue and understanding in political and social discussions.
Wendy Discusses Political and Social Topics, Emphasizing Dialogue and Understanding Over Antagonism
Osefo fosters dialogue by seeking perspectives rather than assuming or immediately disagreeing. She challenges people to explain why they hold their political beliefs, focusing on fostering discussions that are not antagonistic. By simply asking "why," she invites open conversation and the opportunity to strip away preconceptions.
Wendy Values Civil, Healthy Discourse Across Political Views
Wendy Osefo navigates her roles as a political strategist, commentator, and Real Housewife amid a controversial political year with heightened attention on issues like Black Lives Matter. She approaches these topics with an emphasis on civic engagement over partisan alignment and stresses that differing political views should not lead to alienation.
Discussing Black Lives Matter and Police Funding
Osefo talks about the Black Lives Matter movement, clarifying its purpose to highlight that black lives are currently under attack, supported by her inability to recall an incident of a police officer killing a white man on tape in contrast to the numerous black individuals who have been killed.
She also discusses the meaning of "defunding the police," explaining that it involves reallocating funds to under-supported public services like education, rather than stripping the police of all funding. Wendy uses her understanding of the term to promote equitable financing, suggesting for example that police funds could be used to pay off children's lunch debts.
Friendships Across the Political Spectrum
Wendy reveals that she maintains friendships across the political spectrum, proving that conversations and relationships are possible despite ideological differences. She fosters learning by asking "why," which leads to a deeper understanding of the personal stories behind people's political positions. She believes that these educational discussions can replace adversarial ones.
Wendy highlights that one of her closest friends holds different political views, advocating for respectful exchanges of ideas to enrich understanding and avoid divisiveness. By calmly explaining views without judgment, she promotes civil discourse over confrontation.
She further illustrates that ...
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Navigating Controversial and Polarizing Topics
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Actionables
- You can initiate a "Perspective Dinner" where you invite friends with diverse political views for a meal and encourage each person to share their viewpoints on a current issue. During the dinner, focus on listening and understanding rather than debating, to foster a safe space for civil discourse. For example, choose a topic like climate change and ask guests to come prepared with one positive action they believe could make a difference, regardless of their political stance.
- Start a personal reflection journal where you document your reactions to political discussions and identify moments where you could have fostered more understanding. After a political conversation, write down what was said, how you felt, and how you might approach it differently next time to promote a healthier dialogue. This could include noting down instances where you successfully explained your views without judgment or where you could have incorporated personal stories to build common ground.
- Create a "Common Ground" book club with a focus on readi ...
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