#503 Radical Self-Confidence + A Different Take on Perfectionism; Best of Lisa Bilyeu, Katherine Morgan Schafler, and Tania Lester

When you experience a negative or stressful event, do you think through your responses carefully and act exactly as you want to? Or do you find yourself caught up in the emotions of the moment, acting in ways that you later feel embarrassed or ashamed of?

In Emotional Agility, clinical psychologist and management consultant Susan David explains that most people react instinctively to their perceptions of events—which are based on emotional, often-untrue narratives explaining why those events took place. David argues that you can break free of these controlling narratives by practicing emotional agility—seeing events and your emotions objectively so you can live with purpose and clarity.

In this guide, we’ll explore David's strategies and the importance of living according to your values so you can create the life you truly want instead of one ruled by your emotions and the desires of others. In commentary, we’ll explain the origins of David’s ideas, the scientific evidence behind them, and how to apply them to your life.

In The Art of Thinking Clearly, Rolf Dobelli breaks down the most common logical fallacies that inhibit decision-making, including confirmation bias, social proof, and hindsight bias. Dobelli aims to help people recognize and overcome these fallacies so they can make better decisions.

In this guide, we’ll explore Dobelli’s main fallacies, including those caused by humanity’s past as hunter-gatherers and those caused by other sources such as misinterpretation of cause and effect. Along the way, we’ll compare and contrast Dobelli’s ideas with other experts on logical thinking, such as Nassim Nicholas Taleb and Daniel Kahneman. We’ll also provide concrete steps to overcome illogical thinking and explore why logical fallacies occur.

Many negotiators think of a win-win deal as the best outcome. However, in Start With No, negotiation expert Jim Camp argues that more often than not, a so-called win-win is actually a win-lose in disguise where one party concedes too much. To avoid these deals, he suggests you say “no” during your negotiations—and invite your counterpart to also say “no”—instead of trying for a quick yes. Using the power of “no,” you can reduce your sense of neediness, promote rational thinking, and make your counterpart more receptive to saying “yes” to a sustainable, favorable deal.

In this guide, we’ll discuss how saying and inviting “no” can help you avoid common negotiation pitfalls, get the upper hand, and secure better deals. We’ll also explore Camp’s other negotiation strategies, including how to prepare effectively, keep your emotions under control, and focus on your counterpart's needs. Along the way, we’ll compare Camp’s tactics to those of other negotiation experts and provide additional tips to help you put his approach into practice.

In Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff argues that when you respond to your failings and pain with kindness and comfort, you can manage the most challenging situations life throws at you. This entails understanding that you—like all people—make mistakes and suffer, are intrinsically worthy of care and comfort, and are connected to others through your suffering.

Neff is a pioneer in self-compassion research, whose tenets are rooted in Buddhist psychology. She’s the co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion training and workbook, and author of Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive (2021). Self-Compassion was published in 2015.

In this guide, we’ll examine Neff’s definition of self-compassion and explore the key practices, benefits, and obstacles to embracing it. We’ll also explain how self-compassion can improve your relationship with others, making you a better partner and parent. We’ll also expand on Neff’s claims by comparing them with ideas and advice from other spiritual, psychology, medical, and public health experts.

Radical Acceptance is a meditative practice wherein we acknowledge what we’re experiencing—positive or negative—and welcome it. It’s a powerful tool that allows us to be fully present in each passing moment. It helps us avoid getting stuck in our own heads.

Tara Brach, a practicing psychologist and devout Buddhist, discusses how we can use Radical Acceptance to live our lives more fully by always bringing our full attention to the present moment and accepting it for what it is. You'll learn how we get trapped in the stories we tell ourselves, and how Radical Acceptance can bring us out of the trance.

In When Things Fall Apart, Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chödrön provides guidance on how to find courage and compassion amid pain, loss, and uncertainty. She writes that pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life but that these experiences can also be opportunities for growth and transformation. Drawing on ancient Buddhist wisdom and practices, Chödrön shows us how to cultivate self-awareness and acceptance and face life's challenges with grace and resilience.

In this guide, we explore Chödrön’s views on why we suffer—what causes emotional pain and perpetuates it during challenging times—and outline what you can do to turn these experiences into opportunities for growth and healing. We also compare Chödrön’s teachings to insights from other Buddhist teachers and mental health experts and provide additional context about Buddhism so you can better understand and apply these concepts to real-world challenges.