#488: Your WORTH, Your RULES: How to Set Boundaries & ATTRACT the Right Person with Niko Emanuilidis, Founder of The Daddy Academy
In this episode of Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan, Niko Emanuilidis, founder of The Daddy Academy, shares insights on navigating modern dating and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of pacing in the early stages of a relationship, explaining how taking time to truly connect can build genuine interest and sustainable emotional energy.
Emanuilidis and Monahan explore the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in attraction and relationships. They discuss how dating apps, while convenient, can present obstacles to meaningful connections. Emanuilidis also offers advice on recognizing unproductive relationships and embracing opportunities for self-growth after a breakup.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jan 14, 2025 episode of the Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
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1-Page Summary
Pacing and Timing in New Relationships
Niko Emanuilidis emphasizes that men serious about long-term relationships will go slow, taking months to build real connection. Intensive early communication risks creating unsustainable energy levels. Emanuilidis advises one date per week initially, allowing emotions and logic to develop at the same pace.
Mystery and Unavailability Early On Attract Sincere Interest
Emanuilidis warns against appearing overeager or constantly available, which can seem needy and repel partners. Instead, time between dates builds anticipation, revealing true interest. Consistency trumps spontaneity.
Masculine and Feminine Energy In Dating
Emanuilidis and Heather Monahan suggest all people have both masculine and feminine energies. When balanced and complemented by a partner, healthy relationships form. However, mismatched energies frustrate and lack attraction.
Dominant, Masculine Women May Struggle
The discussion implies very assertive women face pressure to be more feminine, but may struggle finding partners who appreciate their natural energy. Insecure men are threatened by strongly masculine women.
Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape
Dating Apps: Benefits and Challenges
Monahan notes dating apps can overwhelm with options, hindering connection. Emanuilidis agrees top-quality partners may prefer organic meetings over apps.
Meeting In Person Is Better
Emanuilidis explains meeting face-to-face allows immediate chemistry assessment and more sincere connections than drawn-out online interactions. He calls meeting in person "more romantic."
Relationship Advice and Dealing With Breakups
Recognizing an Unproductive Relationship
Emanuilidis suggests constant unhappiness, wondering "what if," and feeling your best days preceded the relationship indicate it may be time to end things. Fear of being single prolongs unfulfilling relationships.
Recovering From a Breakup
Emanuilidis advises mourning the loss directly after a breakup, but then embracing excitement for new opportunities and personal growth.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- While taking time to build a real connection is often beneficial, some successful long-term relationships may start with a more intense pace that works for both partners.
- Intensive early communication can sometimes help partners quickly determine compatibility and deepen their connection, rather than creating unsustainable energy levels.
- A strict rule of one date per week may not suit all individuals or relationships; flexibility can be key to accommodating life's complexities and personal needs.
- While mystery and unavailability can attract interest, clear and honest communication can also be attractive and help build a strong foundation for a relationship.
- Some people may appreciate a partner who is eager and readily available, as it can signal commitment and interest.
- Consistency is important, but spontaneity can also add excitement and vitality to a relationship, keeping it fresh and engaging.
- While the concept of masculine and feminine energies can be useful, it is also important to recognize that these energies are not strictly binary and can be expressed in a variety of ways that don't necessarily align with traditional gender roles.
- Assertive women may find that there are many partners who value and are attracted to their strength and confidence, rather than feeling pressured to conform to traditional femininity.
- Not all insecure men are threatened by strongly masculine women; some may admire these qualities or have their own reasons for preferring different dynamics.
- Dating apps have led to many successful relationships, and the abundance of options can be managed effectively with the right approach.
- While meeting in person can offer immediate chemistry assessment, online interactions can also lead to sincere connections and provide a different but valuable way to get to know someone.
- The idea that meeting in person is "more romantic" is subjective and may not hold true for everyone, as some may find romance in the process of getting to know someone online.
- Recognizing an unproductive relationship is complex, and feelings of unhappiness or doubt can sometimes be addressed and resolved without ending the relationship.
- The fear of being single should not be the only factor considered when deciding whether to stay in a relationship; other aspects such as personal growth and happiness are also important.
- While mourning a loss after a breakup is healthy, the process of moving on can vary greatly among individuals, and some may find that looking forward to new opportunities and personal growth comes at a different pace.
Actionables
- Create a "connection journal" to reflect on your feelings and the development of your relationship after each date. Use this journal to jot down your thoughts about the connection you're building, the balance of your energies, and your anticipation for the next meeting. This will help you pace the relationship and ensure you're not rushing emotionally or logically.
- Design a "mystery date plan" where you arrange dates that leave something to the imagination. For example, instead of a typical dinner date, plan a surprise activity or a date with an element of unpredictability, like a cooking class where you only reveal the type of cuisine when you arrive. This can maintain a sense of mystery and prevent overeagerness.
- Develop a "personal growth roadmap" post-breakup, focusing on new skills or hobbies you've wanted to explore. This could involve signing up for a class you've been interested in or setting goals for personal achievements. By focusing on growth and new opportunities, you can channel your energy positively after a breakup and embrace the excitement of what lies ahead.
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Pacing and Timing in New Relationships
The importance of pacing and timing in new relationships is underscored, as experts discuss the strategies for building a genuine connection and ensuring attraction.
Slowing a New Relationship Builds a Genuine Connection
Relationship expert Niko Emanuilidis highlights the benefits of a slower approach in new relationships. He emphasizes that men who are serious about finding a long-term partner will take the time to develop a relationship rather than rushing.
Men Seeking Long-Term Partners Invest Time and Go Slow
Men genuinely interested in a serious relationship are willing to invest time and proceed slowly. Emanuilidis points out that by recognizing the value of a potential partner, these men do not mind going slower to build a genuine connection. They understand that healthy masculine men are comfortable with delayed gratification and that time reveals a person's true character. This becomes clear within a few months, urging a wait of about three months before making it official.
Intensive Communication Can Quickly Fizzle Relationships
Emanuilidis cautions against jumping into constant communication, as doing so can create unsustainable levels of energy and lead to relationships fizzling out. Instead, he suggests pacing one date per week during the first month of dating, which allows both emotions and logic to proceed at the same pace. This helps avoid becoming overly attached before truly understanding who the other person is.
Mystery and Unavailability Early In Dating Attract Sincere Interest
Keeping a balance between showing interest and maintaining some degree of mystery is crucial for attracting sincere interest in new relationships.
Overeagerness Can Seem Needy and Unattractive
Niko Emanuilidis advises against being too easy to contact all the time and emphasizes the importance of not coming off as overly eager or needy, which can backfire by repelling secure individuals. He discusses the problem with acting immediately on a connection and wanting to see the other person constantly. Additionally, Heather ...
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Pacing and Timing in New Relationships
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Counterarguments
- While pacing and timing can be important, every relationship is unique, and some may naturally evolve faster without negative consequences.
- The idea that men seeking long-term relationships should always take things slow may not account for individual differences in relationship dynamics and personal preferences.
- Intensive communication can sometimes be a sign of a strong connection and compatibility, rather than a precursor to a fizzled relationship.
- Scheduling one date per week may not be practical or desirable for all individuals, especially if both parties have flexible schedules and desire more frequent interaction.
- The concept of maintaining mystery might not align with the values of transparency and openness that some individuals prioritize in a relationship.
- The notion that overeagerness is unattractive is subjective; some people may find enthusiasm and clear expressions of interest refreshing and reassuring.
- The strategy of spacing out dates to create anticipation may not be neces ...
Actionables
- You can create a "Getting to Know You" journal where after each date, you jot down new things you've learned about the person, questions you still have, and reflections on the interaction. This practice encourages you to focus on the gradual discovery of the other person, rather than rushing the process. For example, after a date, you might note that you learned about their favorite childhood vacation spot, and you're curious about their travel aspirations now.
- Develop a personal rule to wait 24 hours before sending a follow-up message after a date. This gives you time to reflect on the date and prevents the appearance of overeagerness. For instance, if you had a great time on Saturday night, instead of texting immediately after or the next morning, you would wait until Monday to reach out with your thoughts or to suggest another meeting.
- Initiate a personal project or h ...
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Masculine and Feminine Energy In Dating
The dynamic interplay between masculine and feminine energies in relationships impacts dating experiences for both genders.
Both Genders Balance Masculine and Feminine Energy, Complemented by the Right Partner
In the quest for a fulfilling relationship, the equilibrium between masculine and feminine energies plays a crucial role. Niko Emanuilidis and Heather Monahan suggest that within everyone there is a mixture of these energies that, when balanced, can help attract and sustain healthy partnerships.
Confident Older Men Embrace Successful, Assertive Women
While the conversation does not explicitly address the specifics of how confident older men interact with strong women, it is implied that there is a type of man who complements an assertive woman's energy well—someone who either matches her level of success or has a natural confidence that can bring out her feminine side.
Younger Men May Approach Women "Out of Their League" With Less to Lose
Heather Monahan comments on the difference in confidence between younger men and those closer to her age when asking her out. Emanuilidis suggests that younger men often approach women perceived to be "out of their league" with a nothing-to-lose attitude.
Mismatch In Energy Creates Frustration and Lack of Attraction
When the energies between partners do not align, it can lead to frustration, a lack of attraction, and relationship struggles.
Dominant, Masculine Women May Struggle to Find Partners
The discussion implies that dominant, assertive women like Heather Monahan, who are advised to be more traditionall ...
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Masculine and Feminine Energy In Dating
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Counterarguments
- The concept of masculine and feminine energies is a social construct and may not apply to all individuals or relationships.
- Attraction and relationship dynamics are complex and cannot be solely attributed to the balance of masculine and feminine energies.
- The idea that older men inherently complement assertive women reinforces age stereotypes and overlooks the diversity of individual preferences and personalities.
- Suggesting that younger men have less to lose when approaching women may oversimplify their experiences and ignore the societal pressures they also face.
- The notion that a mismatch in energy leads to relationship struggles may not account for other factors such as communication, shared values, and emotional intelligence ...
Actionables
- Reflect on your energy balance by journaling your experiences in dating and relationships, noting when you felt most harmonious and why. This self-reflection can help you understand your own masculine and feminine energies and how they affect your interactions. For example, if you notice you feel more connected to partners when you embrace your nurturing side, consider ways to bring that energy into future dates.
- Experiment with role reversal in your next date by planning an activity that typically aligns with the opposite energy of what you usually exhibit. If you're a woman who's often in control, try letting your date make decisions, or if you're a man who's usually laid-back, take the lead. This can provide insight into how different energy dynamics work for you and help you find a comfortable balance.
- Create a 'dating persona' that ...
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Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape, Including Online Dating
Heather and Niko delve into the intricacies of modern dating, highlighting the effects of dating apps on connections and discussing the advantages of meeting in person.
Dating Apps: Benefits and Challenges
As dating apps become a standard tool for single people, Heather and Niko discuss both their potential and pitfalls.
Too Many Dating App Options Overwhelm, Hinder Genuine Connection
Heather Monahan points out that the barrage of messages on dating apps can be overwhelming, potentially leading to uncharacteristically unkind behavior from people who are typically considerate. Niko Emanuilidis agrees, acknowledging that dating apps can lead to frustration, anxiety, and depression due to the multitude of choices and the challenges in forming genuine connections.
Top-quality Partners May Prefer Organic Meetings Over Dating Apps
Niko Emanuilidis also observes that high-quality partners, especially men who have no shortage of interest, may not be found on dating apps as they could prefer organic, real-world interactions over the digital world of dating apps.
Online Dating Is Common, but Meeting in Person Is Better
Despite the prevalence of online dating, the discussion leans towards the benefits of face-to-face encounters.
Immediate Chemistry Assessment Through Face-to-face Interaction
Emanuilidis explains that meeting in person allows for an immediate chemistry assessm ...
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Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape, Including Online Dating
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While dating apps can be overwhelming, they also offer a convenient way to meet people, especially for those with busy schedules or limited social circles.
- The multitude of options on dating apps can actually be beneficial, allowing users to meet a diverse range of people they might not encounter in their everyday lives.
- Unkind behavior on dating apps is not inherent to the platform but rather a reflection of individual user behavior, which can be managed with proper etiquette and self-awareness.
- While some may experience frustration, anxiety, and depression from dating apps, others find them empowering and confidence-boosting by providing control over their dating life.
- High-quality partners are subjective, and many may indeed use dating apps, finding them efficient and effective for their lifestyle.
- Chemistry assessment through online interactions can be nuanced and meaningful, with some people better able to express themselves in writing or over time rather than in a single in-person meeting.
- Digital connections can lead to deep emotional bonds and meaningful relationships, sometimes even before meeting in person.
- Romanticism is subjective, and for som ...
Actionables
- You can create a "connection jar" where you write different activities or places you enjoy on slips of paper and each week, pick one to explore, increasing the chance of meeting someone with shared interests in a natural setting. For example, if you enjoy art, you might write down "visit a local art gallery" and by doing so, you're more likely to encounter someone who appreciates art as well, fostering a connection based on common interests.
- Organize a small, casual gathering with friends where each person brings someone from their circle who is unknown to the rest, expanding your social network and potential for in-person connections. This could be as simple as a potluck dinner or a game night, creating a comfortable environment for new introductions without the pressure of a formal date.
- Volunteer for community events o ...
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Relationship Advice and Dealing With Breakups
Niko Emanuilidis and Heather discuss the signs that a relationship might be unproductive and the steps to moving on after a breakup.
Recognizing an Unproductive Relationship and Having the Courage to End It
Niko Emanuilidis suggests that if you’re constantly wondering "what if" and waking up unhappy, or if you reflect on your happiest times and realize they occurred before your current relationship, it may be time to consider ending it. A thriving relationship typically brings growth, but if you find that you’re merely coping instead of growing, it might indicate that the relationship isn't beneficial.
If You're Often Unhappy or Doubtful, It May Be Time to Move On
Emanuilidis highlights that a significant indicator of an unproductive relationship is the loss of one's essence or core self. If you notice you are not the person you were before the relationship, it warrants a reconsideration of the relationship's value to your life.
Fear of Singleness Prolongs Unfulfilling Relationships
Heather suggests that being overly busy might be an avoidance mechanism for addressing personal issues. This behavior could contribute to staying in unproductive relationships due to a fear of singleness.
Recovering From a Breakup Involves Grieving and Personal Growth
Experiencing the Pain of Loss Is Necessary For Healing
Niko advises that immediately after a breakup, confronting f ...
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Relationship Advice and Dealing With Breakups
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Clarifications
- Recognizing signs of an unproductive relationship involves assessing if you are constantly unhappy, feeling like you've lost your core self, or if you're avoiding personal issues by staying busy. These signs can indicate that the relationship is not bringing growth or happiness, and it may be time to consider moving on for personal well-being.
- In a relationship, coping typically involves just managing day-to-day challenges without personal or mutual growth. Growing in a relationship means evolving positively as individuals and as a couple, experiencing progress, learning, and development together. If you feel stagnant or like you're not becoming a better version of yourself within the relationship, you may be coping rather than growing. Recognizing this distinction can help evaluate the health and potential of the relationship.
- The fear of singleness can lead individuals to stay in unfulfilling relationships because they may prioritize being in any relationship over being alone. This fear can stem from concerns about societal expectations, loneliness, or self-worth tied to being in a romantic partnership. It can prevent someone from ending a relationship even if it is not meeting their needs or making them happy. Addressing this fear is crucial for individuals to make decisions that are truly fulfilling for them in the long run.
- Grieving after a breakup is crucial for emotional healing. It allows individuals to process their feelings of loss, sadness, and disappointment. By acknowledging and working through these emotions, one can gradually come to terms with the end of the relationship and begin to move forward. Grieving provides a necessary outlet for expressing and releasing pent-up emotions, paving the way for personal growth and eventual acceptance.
- Embracing future joy and growth means looking forward to positive experiences and personal development that lie ahead after moving on from a relationship. It involves focusing on the potential for happiness and progress in new opportunities and situations. This mindset encourages ...
Counterarguments
- While constantly wondering "what if" and waking up unhappy might indicate an unproductive relationship, it could also be a sign of personal issues unrelated to the relationship that need to be addressed.
- Reflecting on happier times before the current relationship doesn't necessarily mean the relationship should end; it could also suggest a normal ebb and flow of happiness in life.
- Growth in a relationship isn't always linear or obvious; sometimes, what seems like coping might actually be a form of growth that isn't immediately recognizable.
- Losing one's essence or core self in a relationship could be part of a natural evolution or transformation as individuals adapt and change over time, not always a negative outcome.
- Being the same person as before the relationship isn't always a realistic expectation, as relationships often change people, sometimes for the better.
- Being overly busy might not always be an avoidance mechanism; for some, it could be a coping strategy or a necessary part of their lifestyle or career.
- Confronting feelings and mourning after a breakup, while generally helpful, might not be the best approach for everyone; some individuals may recover better through distraction or focusing on other aspects of life.
- Focusing on the positives and new ...
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