Podcasts > Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan > Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

By Heather Monahan

In this episode of Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan, guest Kute Blackson examines the nature of the ego and its resistance to surrender. He explains that the ego, formed from childhood trauma and conditioning, builds walls to avoid vulnerability, hindering personal growth and transformation.

Blackson outlines the process of surrender, highlighting the importance of grieving losses, embracing truth, and aligning one's thoughts, feelings, and actions with authenticity. He shares how surrender transcends the ego's limitations, initiating insight, healing, and opportunities that fulfill one's true purpose.

Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

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Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

1-Page Summary

The nature of the ego and its resistance to surrender

According to Kute Blackson, the ego develops from childhood trauma and conditioning, building walls and suppressing emotions to avoid vulnerability. This conditioned identity resists surrender, viewing it as a threat to its existence that controls life to prevent further pain.

The process of grieving and letting go as part of surrender

Blackson explains that surrender involves grieving and honoring the loss of aspects of ourselves, identities, and dreams. Many avoid this grieving process, preventing full transformation. But feeling grief leads to release and openness to new beginnings.

The importance of truth, acceptance, and alignment in surrender

Embracing truth, accepting each moment, and aligning thoughts, feelings, and actions with authenticity rather than ego desires is crucial for surrender, Blackson asserts. Facing self-deceptions allows true acceptance, while spiritual alignment moves us beyond the ego and engages with life's deeper purposes.

The transformative power and benefits of true surrender

Surrender transcends ego limitations, Blackson shares, providing insight into life's higher vision and potential for the soul's evolution. It initiates personal growth and healing by releasing attachments, creating space for new opportunities that fulfill our true purpose when we trust life's wisdom.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Surrender in relation to the ego involves letting go of the ego's need for control and allowing a deeper sense of trust and acceptance to guide one's actions. It entails releasing the ego's attachment to identity and desires, opening up to a more profound connection with one's true self and life's higher purpose. Surrendering to the ego means acknowledging and transcending the ego's fears and defenses, leading to a state of inner peace and alignment with one's authentic self. By surrendering, individuals can experience personal growth, healing, and a greater sense of fulfillment by aligning with the flow of life rather than resisting it.
  • Childhood trauma and conditioning contribute to the development of the ego by shaping one's beliefs, behaviors, and self-perception based on early experiences. Traumatic events can lead to the creation of defense mechanisms and coping strategies that form the ego's protective layers. These experiences influence how individuals interact with the world, often leading to the construction of a persona that shields them from perceived threats. Over time, these patterns become ingrained, influencing how individuals navigate relationships, challenges, and emotions.
  • Grieving as a part of surrender involves acknowledging and processing the emotions associated with letting go of past identities, dreams, or aspects of ourselves. It is a necessary step in the surrender process as it allows for the release of attachments and paves the way for new beginnings and personal transformation. By allowing oneself to feel and honor the grief that comes with surrender, individuals can move towards acceptance and openness to the possibilities that lie ahead. This emotional release is essential for growth and healing, creating space for new opportunities aligned with one's true purpose.
  • In surrender, truth involves facing reality without self-deception. Acceptance means embracing each moment as it is, without resistance. Alignment requires syncing thoughts, feelings, and actions with authenticity and higher purpose. These elements help transcend the ego and engage with life more deeply.
  • Surrender, in this context, means letting go of control and resistance to life's flow. By surrendering, individuals release attachments and expectations, creating space for personal growth and healing. This process allows for a deeper understanding of one's true purpose and potential, leading to transformative insights and experiences. Surrendering to life's wisdom can bring about positive changes and align individuals with their higher selves.

Counterarguments

  • The concept of the ego is complex and multifaceted, and not all psychological theories agree that it is solely a product of trauma and conditioning.
  • Some psychological perspectives argue that the ego has a positive role in maintaining a sense of identity and agency, and that it is not inherently resistant to change or growth.
  • The idea that surrender always involves grieving might be too narrow; some individuals may experience surrender as a peaceful or even joyful realization without significant grief.
  • The grieving process is highly individual, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to transformation; some may find transformation without the need to grieve.
  • The emphasis on truth and authenticity assumes a clear understanding of these concepts, which can be subjective and vary greatly between individuals and cultures.
  • The notion of spiritual alignment and moving beyond the ego may not resonate with those who do not hold spiritual beliefs or who conceptualize the self in different terms.
  • The benefits of surrender as described might not be universal; some individuals may find that maintaining certain attachments or aspects of the ego is beneficial for their well-being and life satisfaction.
  • Trusting in life's wisdom and the idea of a higher vision or soul's evolution may not align with all worldviews, particularly those that are more secular or pragmatic.
  • The idea that surrender leads to personal growth and the fulfillment of one's true purpose assumes that there is a singular true purpose for each individual, which is a debatable point.

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Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

The nature of the ego and its resistance to surrender

Kute Blackson discusses the complexities of the ego, elaborating on its development from childhood conditioning and trauma, and its subsequent resistance to the concept of surrender.

Ego is a defensive process that develops from childhood conditioning and trauma

As children, we learn to suppress emotions and build walls to avoid further pain, creating an ego-driven identity to avoid vulnerability

Children develop the ego as a defense mechanism strategy in response to childhood experiences such as alcoholic parents, mental health issues, or trauma and dysfunction within the family. To function and survive the feelings of anger, hurt, pain, and fear, they learn to suppress emotions, leading to a buildup of unfelt feelings, which hides their true essence. As these children grow, they develop various defense mechanisms and strategies, including erecting walls around their hearts and disconnecting from their emotions. Activities such as overachieving are often engaged in to avoid dealing with these suppressed feelings.

As children are initially born free and expressive, they cry and laugh freely without self-judgment. Blackson states that trauma and conditioning gradually replace this unencumbered existence with more restrained behavior, which protects from further pain but also leads to an ego-driven identity that is resistant to surrender. By using these survival mechanisms to avoid pain and seek love, validation, and approval, individuals hold onto a persona very tightly, leading to an identification with this conditioned ego.

The ego's desire to control and avoid pain causes it to resist the concept of surrender, seeing it as a threat to its own existence

Blackson notes that empathy can relax the egoic part of us, which suggests that ego's natural state is one of resistance to surrender. The ego works to reinforce its existence by attempting to control everything as a strategy to prevent future hurt. Trying to force surrender can become another ego technique to maintain this control and likewise a ...

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The nature of the ego and its resistance to surrender

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The ego, as a defensive process, develops in response to childhood experiences like trauma or dysfunction within the family. It acts as a protective mechanism to shield individuals from emotional pain and vulnerability by creating a distinct identity. This defensive ego structure is formed through the suppression of emotions and the construction of walls around one's true self to cope with past hurts and fears. The ego's primary function is to maintain a sense of control and self-preservation in the face of perceived threats to its existence.
  • Childhood conditioning and trauma can shape the development of the ego as a defense mechanism. When children experience challenging situations like abuse, neglect, or instability, they may learn to suppress emotions and create protective barriers to cope with the pain. This process can lead to the formation of an ego-driven identity that shields them from vulnerability and further emotional harm. The ego, then, becomes a complex structure built upon these early experiences, influencing how individuals navigate relationships and challenges in adulthood.
  • The concept of surrender, as discussed in the text, relates to letting go of control and embracing vulnerability. The ego, which is a construct developed as a defense mechanism, resists surrender as it perceives it as a threat to its existence. Surrender is seen as a form of ego death, triggering fear of non-existence and leading to resistance in releasing control and facing vulnerability. This resistance highlights the complex relationship between the ego's need for control and the process of surrender.
  • Empathy can soften the ego's defenses, potentially easing its resistance to surrender. By understanding and connecting with the emotions of others, individuals can begin to break down the walls built by the ego. This process of empathizing with others can help individuals see beyond their own self-protective mechanisms, fostering a more open and compassionate approach to surrender. Ultimately, empathy can serve as a bridge to a deeper understanding of the ego's resistance and the potential for growth through surrender.
  • The ego's perception of surrender as equivalent to dying stems from its fear of losing control ...

Counterarguments

  • The concept of the ego as solely a defensive mechanism is an oversimplification; the ego also has positive aspects, such as fostering a sense of identity and agency.
  • The idea that all children develop defense mechanisms in response to trauma may not account for the resilience and varied coping strategies that different individuals exhibit.
  • The notion that suppressed emotions are always detrimental does not consider that emotional regulation and sometimes suppression can be adaptive in certain situations.
  • The text implies a universal process of ego development and resistance to surrender, which may not reflect cultural differences in understanding and managing the self and emotions.
  • The emphasis on the negative aspects of the ego could overshadow the potential for the ego to evolve and integrate experiences in a healthy way.
  • The idea that empathy can relax the ego suggests that the ego is inherently tense or defensive, which may not be the case for everyone.
  • The view that surrender is always beneficial may not take into account situations where maintaining control is necessary or positive.
  • The association of surrender with dying i ...

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Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

The process of grieving and letting go as part of surrender

Kute Blackson explains that true surrender and transformation involve a crucial, often overlooked, phase: grieving.

Surrender requires going through a crucial phase of grieving and honoring what is being let go

Surrender is a death of the ego, past versions of oneself, dreams, and identities - this loss must be grieved to fully embrace the new

According to Blackson, surrender is akin to death – the death of one's ego, former versions of oneself, dreams, and identities. This transition can relate to various aspects such as ending a phase of life, a job, or moving through life’s ages and the changing realities that accompany them. To fully embrace the new phase or reality, it's necessary to grieve what was, to release it completely.

The tendency to avoid the grieving process prevents many from being able to fully surrender and open to transformation

Blackson observes that many people resist allowing themselves to grieve what they've lost or the changes that have occurred. This avoidance can be due to fear that the grieving proces ...

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The process of grieving and letting go as part of surrender

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Surrender involving grieving means accepting and processing the emotional pain and loss associated with letting go of past versions of oneself, dreams, and identities. It's about acknowledging and honoring what is being released to make space for transformation and growth. Grieving in surrender is essential to fully embrace new beginnings and move forward authentically. By allowing oneself to grieve what is lost, one can release the energy of the past and open up to the possibilities of the future.
  • Equating surrender to the death of ego, former selves, dreams, and identities signifies a profound transformation process where one lets go of deeply ingrained aspects of themselves and their aspirations. This comparison emphasizes the intensity of change required for true surrender, highlighting the need to release attachments to past versions of oneself and aspirations to fully embrace new possibilities. By viewing surrender as a symbolic death, it underscores the significance of shedding old patterns and beliefs to make space for personal growth and transformation. This analogy suggests that surrender involves a fundamental shift in perspective and a willingness to release attachments that no longer serve one's highest good.
  • Avoiding the grieving process can hinder surrender and transformation because grief is a necessary step in letting go of the past and embracing change. By not allowing oneself to grieve, individuals may hold onto emotions and attachments that prevent them from fully surrendering to new experiences. Grieving allows for the release of old energies and emotions, creating space for transformation to occur. Embracing the grieving process with awareness can lead to a deeper understanding of one's emotions and facilitate the journey towards surrender and persona ...

Counterarguments

  • The concept of surrender and the necessity of grieving can be subjective and may not apply universally to all individuals or cultures.
  • The idea that surrender is akin to death may be too extreme or negative for some, and there might be more positive ways to frame personal transformation.
  • The grieving process is complex and can vary greatly between individuals; suggesting that it is always temporary and will dissolve when fully felt may not be accurate for everyone.
  • Some psychological theories argue that transformation can occur without the need to grieve, through other mechanisms such as cognitive restructuring or finding new meaning.
  • The emphasis on the death of the ego might not resonate with certain philosophica ...

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Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

The importance of truth, acceptance, and alignment in surrender

Kute Blackson's experiences and insights underline the essential role of truth, acceptance, and alignment in the process of surrender.

Embracing the truth of one's current reality, without judgment, is a necessary step to surrender

In his reflections on writing a book and caring for his ailing mother, Blackson realized that embracing the truth was crucial. He had initially resisted writing about surrender but had to accept that, truthfully, it felt like the right topic for him. When dealing with his mother's illness, he understood the importance of truthfully accepting each moment's value, whether simple or grand. This acceptance led to a deeper understanding and alignment with the reality of his circumstances.

Identifying the lies and self-deceptions that prevent one from seeing their situation clearly allows for true acceptance. This was apparent in Blackson's journey, where confronting self-deception was an integral step. He underscores the need to ask oneself about the untruths and confusions we construct to avoid difficult realities. Only by facing these uncomfortable truths can individuals embark on the path to genuine acceptance.

Aligning one's thoughts, feelings, and actions with what is authentically true, rather than what the ego desires, unlocks the power of surrender

Moving from ego-based desires to a life that is in alignment with the universe's intentions is a shift Blackson highlights as key to surrender. It involves a harmony between what is true, authentic, and of integrity. Brainstorming book ideas, Blackson realized the ones he initially thought of were clever but not authentic to him. Once he aligned his thoughts and ideas with what was gen ...

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The importance of truth, acceptance, and alignment in surrender

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Surrender, in this context, refers to letting go of resistance and control, and instead, embracing the truth of one's circumstances without judgment. It involves aligning one's thoughts, feelings, and actions with what is authentically true, moving beyond ego desires. Surrender is seen as a process of accepting life's unfolding events as contributions to one's growth and higher good. It requires a deep engagement with life, leading to a more aligned existence with one's true self.
  • The relationship between truth, acceptance, and alignment in surrender is interconnected. Embracing the truth of one's reality without judgment is the first step to surrender. Identifying and accepting these truths allows individuals to align their thoughts, feelings, and actions authentically, leading to a deeper surrender to life's flow and purpose.
  • Aligning thoughts, feelings, and actions with authenticity means ensuring that what you think, how you feel, and what you do are in harmony with your true self and values. It involves being genuine and true to yourself, not influenced by external pressures or false desires. This alignment fosters a sense of integrity and wholeness, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. By staying true to your authentic self in thought, emotion, and behavior, you create a congruence that promotes inner peace and a deeper connection with your core identity.
  • In the context of surrender, the ego represents self-centered desires and fears that can hinder authentic alignment with one's true self and the universe. Authentic self-refers to one's genuine, unfiltered essence beyond societal conditioning and ego-driven motivations. Surrender involves transcending ego-driven desires and aligni ...

Counterarguments

  • Embracing the truth of one's current reality can sometimes be psychologically overwhelming, and some individuals may require gradual exposure to truth to avoid adverse mental health effects.
  • Identifying lies and self-deceptions might not always lead to true acceptance if the individual lacks the tools or support to process and integrate these truths constructively.
  • Aligning thoughts, feelings, and actions with authenticity assumes that individuals have a clear understanding of their authentic selves, which can be a complex and lifelong journey.
  • Truth-telling as a spiritual practice may not resonate with everyone, and some may find other practices more transformative or align ...

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Confidence Classic: Finding The COURAGE To Let Go With Kute Blackson Transformational Teacher & Best Selling Author

The transformative power and benefits of true surrender

Kute Blackson explores the concept of surrender, sharing personal insights and experiences that showcase its potential for profound personal growth, healing, and fulfillment of life's purpose.

Surrender allows one to transcend the limitations of the ego's perspective and tap into a greater vision and power

Blackson shares an epiphany about writing his book on surrender when he realized that none of his other book ideas felt right. The concept of surrender felt true and like the work he was meant to create. He attributes this realization to a "download and epiphany" that set him on fire with purpose, beyond monetary gain. He connects the seed of the book to his time with his mother through her illness, which underscored the transformative nature of surrender in his own growth.

By letting go of control and aligning with the deeper intelligence of life, Blackson believes one can access possibilities beyond the limitations of the mind's imagination. Surrendering means letting go of who we think we should be and how we think life should unfold. It involves going deeper to find out who we really are, a journey that is not a breakdown, but a breakthrough to our "true soul's destiny."

Kute Blackson's mother exemplified surrender by expressing freedom from attachment to life or death and aligning her will with a higher power, which brought her peace. Blackson emphasizes how surrender allows us to transcend the ego's limitations and tap into a higher dimension of potential and power, achieving greatness beyond our own envisioning.

Surrendering opens the door to profound personal growth, healing, and the fulfillment of one's true life purpose

Blackson further illustrates how things that, from the ego's perspective, may seem negative or undesirable can lead to positive outcomes, teaching us that surrender involves trusting life's intelligence and magic that can bring forth opportunities beyond our comprehension. He frames surrender as allowing life to guide us, opening ourselves to insights and possibilities we hadn't considered.

Embracing surrender fully can lead us to participate more fluidly in life's processes. It's a natural part of life's journey that aligns us with the deeper flow of life. Blackson talks about the "magic of sur ...

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The transformative power and benefits of true surrender

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • Surrendering may not always lead to positive outcomes; sometimes maintaining control and taking decisive action is necessary for success and well-being.
  • The concept of a "deeper intelligence of life" is abstract and may not resonate with everyone, especially those who value empirical evidence and rational decision-making.
  • The journey to discover one's true self and soul's destiny can be complex and may not be as linear or positive as the concept of surrender suggests; it can involve significant struggle and may not always lead to clarity or fulfillment.
  • Personal growth and healing are multifaceted processes that can require active problem-solving and critical thinking, not just surrendering control.
  • Trusting life's intelligence and magic might lead to passivity or inaction in situations where proactive measures are needed.
  • Aligning with the flow of life could be interpreted as a lack of agency or responsibility, which might not be suitable in all contexts, especially in professional or emergency situations.
  • The transformative process initiated by surrendering control is not guaranteed; some individuals may find that surrender leads to stagnation or a sense of loss with ...

Actionables

  • Start a surrender journal where you write down one thing you'll let go of each day and reflect on how it makes you feel. This could be a small control, like not planning every minute of your day, or a larger one, like not insisting on a specific outcome in a relationship. By documenting your feelings and experiences, you'll become more aware of the benefits of surrendering control and how it impacts your life.
  • Create a 'trust jar' where you place notes of moments when you chose to trust life's flow instead of forcing an outcome. Whenever you're faced with a decision, remind yourself to trust the process and write down the scenario, your decision to let go, and the outcome. This tangible collection of trust moments can serve as a physical reminder of the positive experiences ...

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