In the latest episode of Call Her Daddy, host Alex Cooper sits down with Laverne Cox to unravel the nuanced complexities of bisexuality, the spectrum of human sexuality, and the personal battles faced by individuals coming to terms with their gender identity. The discussion navigates through the pervasive misconceptions about bisexuality, debunking the myth that bisexuals are attracted to everyone and addressing the stereotypes that often plague the bisexual community. Laverne Cox offers an insightful perspective on how bisexuality contributes to the diverse sexual orientations that enrich our social fabric, advocating for greater understanding and respect for each person's unique experience.
Furthermore, Cox delves into deeply personal territory as she recounts her journey of self-acceptance amidst struggles with gender identity, the impact of generational trauma, and the emphasis on healing before entering the dating world. Exploring her family's history of trauma and abuse, Cox shares how she and her twin brother confront these challenges, underscoring the power of forgiveness and the possibility of breaking cycles of pain. She also brings to light the importance of self-love and vulnerability as cornerstones for establishing fulfilling relationships. Laverne Cox concludes by championing transgender rights, urging the public to recognize the humanity of transgender individuals beyond the medical narratives and promoting a shift towards empathy in legislative and societal conversations.
Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.
Bisexuality is often misunderstood, with a common misconception being that bisexual people are attracted to everyone—this is not the case. Bisexuality is a complex, individual experience, not a one-size-fits-all label. While facing negative stereotypes and assumptions, such as being labeled promiscuous or indecisive, it's important to overcome these harmful notions and affirm bisexuality as a valid orientation. The broader perspective on human sexuality is that it's a spectrum, indicating that attractions are diverse and don't necessarily fit into neat categories. Bisexuality thus contributes to the rich tapestry of human sexuality, and its complexity is key to respecting each individual's sexual orientation.
Laverne Cox's journey of self-acceptance through her struggles with gender identity is marked by early childhood experiences of feeling different, which resulted in bullying and severe traumatizing events. Her coping mechanisms included retreating into her imagination and excelling in academics. From these struggles, she learned not to trust others and to keep her guard up, which impacted her adult life. The continued presence of discrimination, related to incidents such as a Nazi march she mentions, still affects her today, emphasizing that hate and discrimination persist in modern society.
Laverne Cox reveals her family's history of trauma and abuse. She reflects on the intergenerational transmission of emotional abuse: her mother, who herself had endured abuse, raised Cox and her twin brother while dealing with the historical impacts of systemic racism. Cox and her brother support each other in validating their experiences, which counterbalances potential gaslighting from their mother. Although initially Cox harbored anger towards her mother during therapy, she eventually moved towards forgiveness, highlighting the complexity of their relationship and the possibility of breaking the cycle of emotional abuse.
Cox asserts that personal healing is essential before one can engage in healthy relationships. She encourages people to create a list of desirable qualities in a partner based on past relationship lessons. The practice of self-love, intimacy with friends, and repairing family relationships are crucial in learning how to be vulnerable. Understanding negative romantic patterns and learning from past experiences, such as dealing with an emotionally abusive partner, helps in setting healthier standards for future relationships. Cox also emphasizes the importance of emotional availability and choosing partners who provide kindness and love.
Laverne Cox takes a stand in advocating for transgender rights by emphasizing the need to focus on transgender people's everyday experiences rather than the medical aspects of their transition. She discusses her uncomfortable feeling when people overly focus on surgeries and hormone treatments, as it objectifies transgender people and overlooks their humanity. Cox advocates that transgender individuals' humanity be recognized, promoting empathy for their lived experiences and urging that legislation impacting the transgender community consider these aspects. By redirecting public conversations, Cox aims to change the narrative and encourage understanding and empathy, calling for a collective rethinking of transgender portrayal and the acknowledgment of our shared humanity.
1-Page Summary
Discussing bisexuality often brings many questions and misconceptions to the forefront. One pervasive idea is that being bisexual means being attracted to everyone, which isn't necessarily true. Bisexuality, like all sexual orientations, is a complex and individual experience.
Bisexuality can be fraught with stereotypes and assumptions that can be harmful and reductive. There is a common misconception that bisexuals are promiscuous or indecisive, which is far from the truth. Many bisexuality are in monogamous relationships or may choose to be with partners of a particular gender at different times in their lives. It’s important to overcome these stereotypes and acknowledge that bisexuality is a valid and real identity.
Bisexuality and being attracted to everyone
...
Laverne Cox shares her journey of self-acceptance amid struggles with gender identity, bullying, and societal discrimination from childhood to adulthood.
From a very early age, Laverne Cox knew she was different, as she was frequently called names like 'sissy' and the F word, even in preschool. She was bullied for her femininity and for the way she spoke, marking the beginning of her understanding that she did not conform to traditional gender norms. Despite her inclination to avoid physical altercations, viewing them as beneath her, she was not shielded from aggression.
Cox's childhood was marred by bullying and traumatizing experiences. She recalls being chased home from school every day, dealing with a severe incident where she and her brother were beaten with drumsticks by other kids, and being dehumanized. Cox learned to escape into her imagination, dancing, and academic excellence as a form of coping. These traumatic experiences resulted in Cox feeling a pervasive lack of safety which was compounded by her mother questioning why she didn't fight back.
The relentless bullying taught Cox not to trust others, as the few friendships she did form often ended in betrayal with derogatory language and slurs. An incident where her confidence in a friend was shattered by public humiliation taught her to keep her guard up—a skill that continued to influence her personal life and career. Even her mother inadvertently taught her not to discuss her bullying experiences, as those exchanges would lead to Cox being blamed for not defe ...
Struggles and self-acceptance around gender identity
...
Laverne Cox opens a window into the family trauma that can echo down the generations, weaving in her personal experiences with emotional abuse and the broader socio-historical context of the family's past.
Cox discusses the emotional abuse she experienced from her mother during her upbringing. This abuse, she suggests, is connected to the emotional abuse her mother endured as a child. Cox also highlights the supportive role of her twin brother in validating her recollections and feelings, which helps to counter any unintentional gaslighting from her mother.
She presents a nuanced view of her mother, recognizing her accomplishments—such as pursuing higher education and raising two children on her own—despite the challenges implied by historical traumas such as systemic racism and its aftereffects. Cox expresses understanding and forgiveness towards her mother, acknowledging the complexity of their relationship and their efforts to navigate past conflicts.
Throughout her discussion about family trauma, Cox emphasizes the significance of speaking the truth about past suffering ...
Family trauma and abuse spanning generations
...
Laverne Cox discusses the importance of personal healing and self-care as prerequisites for entering into healthy relationships.
Cox suggests creating a detailed list of qualities you're looking for in a partner, drawing on what has and hasn't worked in past relationships. She emphasizes the power of this practice for affirming one's self-worth and preparing for the kind of relationship that aligns with personal values and needs.
Cox underlines the importance of practicing intimacy with friends and possibly repairing family relationships to get used to vulnerability. This intimate practice with loved ones is seen as vital preparation for romantic relationships, where one must be comfortable with being seen and loved for who they are.
Cox shares insights into her tendency to choose men who didn't treat her well, seeing it as a negative pattern reflecting her low self-esteem. This realization prompted her to consider her emotional availability and the parallels between how she treated herself and the emotional unavailability of her partners.
The importance of healing yourself before dating
In her advocacy, Cox highlights the importance of recognizing transgender people's humanity and experience beyond a narrow focus on medical aspects of transition.
Cox shares her discomfort with the public's fascination with the medical procedures related to gender transition. She recounts an appearance on television where she argued that focusing too much on transition surgeries and hormone treatments objectifies transgender individuals and takes attention away from their lived realities. Cox firmly chooses not to discuss the details of her medical transition, stressing instead the importance of acknowledging the humanity of transgender people.
Cox describes the necessity of clarifying her transgender identity when dating, to ensure that potential matches understand and accept this aspect of her life. She hopes that through her open communication, others will reconsider preconceived ideas they may hold about the transgender community.
Cox wants to be recognized for her humanity and the diverse aspects of her life, advocating for empathy towards other transgender individuals' lived experiences. This is especially vital when discussing and creating ...
Advocating for transgender rights and shared humanity
...
Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser