21. Enough Downplaying Yourself. Have An Ego

Leo Skepi delves into the often misunderstood concepts of self-respect and ego, asserting that what is sometimes labeled as ego is actually a healthy sense of self-worth that everyone should maintain.

Self-Respect is Often Mislabeled as Having an "Ego"

Skepi suggests that self-respect is frequently misconstrued as egotism. He underlines that respecting oneself and establishing boundaries should not be regarded as character flaws. He insists that wearing what you desire or presenting yourself in a way that satisfies you should not open you up to accusations of gloating, but rather be a reflection of your self-esteem. He points out that not tolerating disrespect and having preferences are forms of self-respect, not signs of an inflated ego.

Respecting Yourself and Setting Boundaries Should Not Be Seen as a Character Flaw

Skepi asserts that having an ego can be beneficial when it helps to define personal boundaries. He encourages having enough self-regard to recognize when people are not treating you with enthusiasm or taking you seriously and suggests this is when an ego becomes necessary.

Avoiding False Modesty Can Unlock Your Potential

Leo warns against the often harmful nature of false modesty and highlights the importance of confidence in own's skills and capabilities.

Downplaying Your Abilities and Value to Avoid Appearing Arrogant Can Hold You Back

He advises against downplaying your abilities to make others feel comfortable, emphasizing that this can cause you to overlook your true value. Skepi challenges th ...

Leo Skepi provides insight on how to recognize and handle disrespect, suggesting a need for heightened sensitivity to how we are treated by others.

Recognize when you are being desensitized to disrespect

Skepi describes the gradual acceptance of disrespect as a "slow, silent killer" in relationships, using an example of becoming desensitized to name-calling during arguments. He recommends reflecting on the beginnings of a relationship and comparing how behaviors that are now tolerated would have been perceived back then. This can reveal whether one has normalized disrespectful behavior over time.

To counteract desensitization, Skepi advises that once someone starts to value themselves more, they become more aware of—and less tolerant towards—disrespect. He argues against making excuses for those who mistreat you or tolerating disrespect out of an attempt to be overly understanding. Walking away from relationships or situations where you are not respected is crucial to maintaining one's self-respect.

Stand up for yourself when others try to be condescending or dismissive

Asserting the importance of standing up for oneself, Skepi shares his experience in the operating room as a nurse. He encourages voicing concerns respectfully and choosing when it's appropriate to step up for yourself. Becoming more aware of disrespectful conduct, especially in public where condescending remarks are made, is also emphasized.

Offering examples from his own life, Skepi recalls salespeople questioning whether he owns his home and how he found it disrespectful. Although he always responds politely, he stands firm in his self-respect by ending the interaction abruptly if needed.

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Negative emotions don't always have to lead to negative actions. In some cases, emotions such as spite and anger can be channeled into positive change and accomplishments.

Channel negative feelings into positive change

Leo Skepi points out that negative emotions can be potent motivators. If feeling spite or resentment following an event like a breakup, instead of letting it fester, Skepi suggests using it as fuel to improve oneself, such as getting a "revenge body." He brings to light that while spite may be the initial motivator, it can facilitate positive changes that last long after the emotion itself has dissipated. Skepi emphasizes not to worry about being perceived as "egotistical" when making progress, as this concern can hinder the recognition and utilization of one's own value.

Recognize that spite-fueled improvements are still valid and valuable

Skepi also argues that even if one's accomplishments are initially driven by negative emotions like spite, it doesn't lessen their validity ...

Leo Skepi delves into the subtle distinction between ego and self-respect when it comes to personal standards and preferences, especially in relationships.

Having dealbreakers and standards is self-respect, not ego

Skepi suggests that having preferences and standards is an important form of self-respect. This is essential for increasing the chances of having desired experiences and avoiding negative ones. He asserts that it's not egotistical to have dealbreakers or high standards in relationships, especially if one can offer the qualities they demand in return. To illustrate this point, he uses the analogy of giving someone a Birkin bag when they can't appreciate its value, demonstrating the idea of recognizing and maintaining one's worth without settling for less.

You are entitled to have preferences in relationships and other aspects of life

Skepi reinforces the idea that individuals are entitled to have preferences in their relationships and various aspects of life. Rather than viewing dealbreakers and standards as a sign of an inflated ego, Skepi frames them as indicators of self-respect. He argues for the necessity of adhering to one's standards to enhance the likelihood of positive experiences.

Trying to be overly accommodating to avoid judgment can lead to settling

Although not explicitly mentioned, the implications of Skepi's discourse on self-respect suggest that being overly accommodating in an attempt to avoid judgment can lead to settling ...

Leo Skepi provides insight into effectively dealing with rejection and criticism, emphasizing self-respect and understanding others' limitations rather than catering to their demands or criticisms.

Don't beg for a second chance when someone rejects you

Once someone has made it clear they're not interested, accept it and move on

Skepi advises listeners that when facing rejection, whether personally or professionally, it's essential not to seek validation or multiple chances. Instead, accept the situation and leave promptly. Pleading for another opportunity can undermine one’s self-worth and dignity. Skepi counsels against spending energy degrading those who reject you, and instead suggests removing oneself from the situation, as such actions demonstrate respect for one's own value.

Don't get defensive when others label you as "difficult" or "too much"

Assess whether their concern is reasonable or if they are simply unwilling to accommodate your needs

Without getting defensive or self-conscious, Skepi advises listeners to take a critical look at the concerns raised. When criticized for being "difficult," it’s crucial to assess whether the feedback is valid or if it’s a case of the critic projecting their limitations onto you.

Skepi shares from personal experie ...