14. Perfectionism

The speaker, Leo Skepi, shares his experiences with a brain that's wired to constantly see potential for improvement.

The speaker's brain is wired differently, allowing them to constantly see potential for improvement in everything

Leo Skepi describes an innate ability where his brain is always "unfolding every single thing," automatically spotting ways anything can be enhanced. This occurs without any conscious effort, as their mind is ever alert and knows how to optimize each situation.

The speaker automatically spots even minor ways to enhance and refine any situation, object, or experience, without actively trying to do so

Without trying, Leo's brain is tuned to identify opportunities for improvement in the minutest details. Whether shopping or touring houses, he rarely encounters items or places that he loves immediately as he notices aspects that could be altered. This inner drive applies across the spectrum—from speech and appearance to experiences like browsing social media.

This inner drive to optimize and elevate everything around them is an integral part of how the speaker's mind works

For Leo, the potential to uplift every facet of existence is an internal knowing, as if he has an automatic guide on how to bridge the gap between what is and what could be. "The potential of everything that could happen flashes in front of my eyes," he says, illustrating the vivid and immediate nature of his perception.

The speaker's heightened awareness of possibilities and potentials leads to a sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo

The speaker's unusual brain wiring not only fuels a relentless pursuit of improvement but also renders a sense of dissatisfaction with the current state of things.

The speaker rarely feels a true sense of accomplishment, as their mental standards are always higher than what is realistically achievable

Leo expresses that nothing feels like an accomplishment ...

The speaker's perfectionist tendencies create a profound sense of isolation and misunderstanding from others

The speaker reveals their inner turmoil stemming from a disconnect between personal standards and societal perceptions.

The speaker's intense attention to detail and relentless drive to improve are often misinterpreted by others as vanity or selfishness

Instances of misinterpretation run deep for the speaker. An ex-partner wrongly construed their practice of frequently checking mirrors as vain rather than a manifestation of perfectionism. Similarly, Leo’s habit of looking at reflective surfaces, which his friend considered conceited, is a meticulous self-check for Leo. The speaker admits to being obsessive about improvements rather than self-admiring. This relentless drive for betterment fosters a sense of isolation because it seems unique to them and not shared by others.

The speaker struggles to find people who can truly understand and relate to their unique perspective on the world

The speaker feels a profound disconnect when people mistake their actions for arrogance, labeling them as "nuts" or "crazy." The only solace comes from family and close friends who understand their actions. Feeling that no one harbors the vision or standards they do alludes to an immense sense of isolation.

The speaker's perfectionism exacerbates their experiences of depression and emotional pain

Perfectionism infiltrates the speaker's emotional health, laying bare the overarching influence on their well-being.

The speaker's brain immediately seeks solutions when faced with negative emotions, but is often unable to find satisfactory remedies

Skepi highlights how their brain automatically seeks to fix negative emotions, further aggravating their despair when solutions evade them. When he discusses falling into depressive states, he describes a search for improvement and solution-finding as lifelines. If these threads of hope become obscured, emotional pain deepens.

The speaker's awareness of their own limitations and the gap between their ideals and reality can be deeply discouraging and demoralizing

The knowledge of unreachable pot ...

The speaker, presumably Leo Skepi, has developed strategies to manage their perfectionist impulses, which includes prioritizing tasks, fostering self-recognition of achievements, and being selective in personal relationships to maintain productivity and a routine.

The speaker has developed strategies to manage their perfectionist impulses and maintain some semblance of routine and productivity

Leo Skepi explains the need to accept that they cannot work on multiple projects at the intensive level they desire. To cope, Skepi prioritizes tasks and makes compromises to continue moving forward. They have a procedural method to exhaust all options before asking for help, indicating a learned strategy to manage tasks independently. Skepi has to do everything in their power to help others assist them effectively, suggesting a method to maximize the efficiency of delegating tasks.

"The steps are very clear. And that's where I get into having to accept defeat, kind of that I cannot work on 10 things at once at the level that I need to work at them at. So I have to make compromises."

Skepi acknowledges setting ambitious goals but recognizes the daily limitations, where only a few steps towards each goal are possible. Always busy seeking improvement, they display a keen attention to detail in their merchandise efforts and understand the necessity to balance what is "realistically possible" with their idealistic standards. Skepi's approach to building their dream house also reflects this dual focus on detail and financial constraints, adopting the mindset that limits are often surpassable.

The speaker’s brain resists any sense of repetition or predictability, making it difficult for them to establish consistent habits or schedules

Despite his work ethic, Skepi finds it impossible to adhere to routines or predictable plans, preferring constant innovation to avoid monotony. This rejection of redundancy impacts their ability to maintain a to-do list or embrace a daily routine, as the thought of repeating the same task is anathema. This drive for change keeps Skepi perpetually engaged in tweaks and improvements.

The speaker has learned to actively celebrate their achievements and remind themselves of their capabilities, as their brain does not naturally do so

Skepi has learned to intentionally remember and celebrate past successes because their brain tends to overlook these accomplishments. When his merchandise sold out quickly, Skepi was surprised despite having anticipated ...