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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

By Leo Skepi

In this episode of Aware & Aggravated, Leo Skepi challenges mainstream notions of self-love. He argues that true self-care involves making difficult choices for long-term well-being rather than seeking temporary comfort. Skepi likens this disciplinary self-love to how a higher power or parent denies harmful desires for one's ultimate benefit.

He advocates embracing discomfort as an inevitable part of growth, and reframing one's perspective to find purpose in this discomfort. Skepi also advises clearly articulating desired emotions, not just actions, when soliciting divine assistance. The episode explores self-acceptance by aligning one's nature with one's purpose through embracing necessary pains.

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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

1-Page Summary

Redefining Self-Love Through Discipline

Leo Skepi challenges conventional ideas about self-love, emphasizing that true care involves acting in one's best interests even when uncomfortable. He argues that lying to spare feelings or maintain appearances is manipulative, not loving. Instead, self-love requires making decisions for long-term well-being over temporary comfort.

Skepi likens this disciplinary self-love to a higher power denying harmful things despite one's desires, just as a parent denies unhealthy foods to a child. He states that seeking comfort is appropriate only when choosing necessary growth pains, not avoiding them.

Embracing Discomfort for Growth

Skepi discusses how pain is inevitable whether pursuing change or remaining stagnant. However, he frames the discomfort of progress as more rewarding than the pain of stagnation. By changing one's perspective to find purpose in discomfort, such as getting a desired tattoo, the discomfort lessens.

Skepi encourages repeatedly facing new challenges to build resilience, as the perceived difficulty diminishes with exposure. While disappointment's discomfort is familiar, he states the discomfort of achievement must be embraced for growth and true self-love.

Articulating Emotions for Divine Assistance

To receive support from a higher power, Skepi advises communicating exactly which emotions are desired, not just the actions. For instance, requesting feelings like energy and excitement can inspire taking an intended action like going to the gym.

Skepi posits that denying genuine desires creates suffering. As desires reflect one's nature, suppressing them breeds inner turmoil. However, accepting the discomforts of pursuing desires aligns with one's purpose, making the pain easier than stagnation's suffering.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • Self-love can be multifaceted, and what constitutes self-care can vary greatly among individuals; some may find that gentleness and self-compassion, rather than strict discipline, are more beneficial to their mental health and well-being.
  • The concept of lying to spare feelings is complex, and there are situations where tact and diplomacy might be more appropriate than blunt honesty, which can sometimes be unnecessarily hurtful.
  • While making decisions for long-term well-being is important, it's also necessary to balance future benefits with present happiness; too much focus on the future can lead to a joyless existence.
  • The analogy of disciplinary self-love to a higher power might not resonate with everyone, especially those who do not subscribe to a belief in a higher power or have different spiritual beliefs.
  • The idea that seeking comfort is only appropriate when it involves growth could be seen as dismissive of the importance of rest and recovery, which are also essential components of a healthy life.
  • While embracing discomfort for growth can be beneficial, it's also important to recognize and respect one's limits to prevent burnout and mental exhaustion.
  • The notion that the discomfort of progress is always more rewarding than the pain of stagnation may not account for the complexity of human experiences and the fact that some changes may not lead to positive outcomes.
  • The advice to communicate specific emotions to a higher power assumes belief in such a power and may not be applicable to those who do not hold such beliefs.
  • The assertion that denying genuine desires always leads to suffering does not consider that some desires may be harmful or unrealistic, and that there can be value in learning to let go of certain desires.
  • The idea that suppressing desires breeds inner turmoil does not take into account that self-control and the ability to delay gratification are important life skills that can lead to greater long-term satisfaction and success.

Actionables

  • You can create a "Discomfort Diary" to track instances where you choose long-term well-being over short-term comfort. Start by jotting down daily decisions that push you out of your comfort zone, noting how they align with your long-term goals. For example, if you're tempted to skip a workout, write down your choice to exercise and how it contributes to your health objectives. Reflect on these entries weekly to see patterns and progress in embracing beneficial discomfort.
  • Develop a "Pain-Purpose Matrix" to reframe discomfort as a growth opportunity. Draw a two-column table where one side lists painful experiences and the other outlines the purpose or growth they serve. For instance, if you're dealing with the pain of learning a new skill, link it to the purpose of career advancement. This visual tool can help you associate discomfort with positive outcomes, making it a motivational reference.
  • Initiate a "Desire Dialogue" practice to communicate with your inner self about genuine desires and emotions. Set aside a few minutes each day to write a letter to yourself, expressing your true desires and the emotions you wish to experience. For example, if you desire to feel more confident, detail actions that could lead to that emotion, like public speaking or taking on new challenges at work. This practice encourages clarity and alignment between your actions and emotional goals.

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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

Redefining Self-Love and What it Truly Means

Leo Skepi delves into a deeper understanding of self-love, challenging conventional ideas and emphasizing the essence of true care.

Genuine love involves disciplining for one's best interests, not just comforting

Skepi argues that genuine love is not about lying to spare feelings or maintaining appearances, as these actions are forms of manipulation rather than true care. He suggests that authentic self-love requires acting in one's best interests and prioritizing growth and improvement, even when it leads to temporary discomfort. Self-love, he asserts, is about making decisions that align with long-term well-being rather than short-term comfort.

Love that lies to spare feelings or maintains appearances is manipulation, not true care

Skepi discusses how people may lie to avoid hurting someone else's feelings or to keep themselves in good standing, but he identifies such behavior as manipulative rather than an act of genuine love.

Self-love requires prioritizing growth and improvement over temporary comfort

Further emphasizing his point, Skepi challenges listeners to reflect on their behaviors towards themselves. If they engage in actions contrary to their best interests simply to feel comfortable, he states, this is not self-love—true self-love necessitates making choices for the greater good of oneself, despite the possibility of discomfort or pain.

God/the universe loves us by withholding what is harmful, even if it causes temporary distress

According to Skepi, just as a higher power might withhold certain things from us for our own good, we should exhibit the same disciplinary love for ourselves.

Just as a parent denies a child unhealthy foods, a higher power denies us what is ultimately detrimental

Skepi likens t ...

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Redefining Self-Love and What it Truly Means

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Counterarguments

  • Genuine love can also include providing comfort, as emotional support is a crucial aspect of caring for oneself and others.
  • Honesty is important, but it must be balanced with compassion; sometimes sparing feelings can be an act of kindness rather than manipulation.
  • Self-love can sometimes mean choosing self-compassion and rest over constant growth and improvement, recognizing that everyone has limits.
  • The concept of a higher power's love is subjective and can vary greatly among different individuals' beliefs and experiences.
  • Denying oneself certain experiences or items might not always be beneficial; ...

Actionables

  • You can practice honest communication by setting up a 'truth pact' with a close friend or family member, where you both agree to provide constructive feedback instead of just pleasantries. For instance, if you're preparing for a job interview, ask them to critique your mock interview honestly, even if it might be uncomfortable to hear.
  • Start a personal growth journal where you record instances where you chose long-term benefits over short-term comfort. This could include turning down an invitation to go out in favor of finishing a project or choosing a healthy meal over fast food. Reflect on these choices weekly to see how they align with your self-love and growth goals.
  • Create a 'comfort budget' that ...

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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

Embracing Pain and Discomfort as Part of Growth

Leo Skepi addresses the inevitable presence of pain in life, whether through change or stagnation, and how we might embrace it to facilitate growth and resilience.

Pain and discomfort are inevitable in any decision, but can be reframed

Skepi discusses the inevitability of pain no matter what path is chosen – whether to remain static or to pursue change. He underscores the fact that each decision comes with its own set of discomforts, but emphasizes the idea that individuals often choose the pain of progress because it is seen as more beneficial than the discomfort of remaining stagnant.

Choosing the pain of progress is more rewarding than the pain of stagnation

Skepi says that there is pain in staying in the comfort of one's current situation just as there is in striving for change. He elaborates that the discomfort of achievement, though initially unfamiliar, must be embraced just as we normally accept the pain of disappointment.

Transmuting negative experiences by finding positive perspectives reduces their sting

By choosing pain with a purpose, such as enduring the discomfort of getting a tattoo to achieve a desired look, one can manage and lessen the intensity of discomfort. Skepi uses the example of reassuring oneself about the choice of enduring pain, saying it becomes more bearable when viewed as a necessary step towards a goal.

Developing resilience to discomfort builds unshakeable mental strength

Skepi argues that investing in discomfort can ultimately build strength and trust within oneself. By repeatedly facing new challenges, their perceived difficulty diminishes over time, which, in turn, lessens the discomfort felt.

Initial exposure to new challenges feels difficult, but repeated experience reduces the perceived pain

He encourages embracing the discomfort of progress, stating that exposure to new, uncomfortable situations forces a person to develop new perspectives and strengths.

The discomfort of disappointment is familiar, but the discomfort of achievement must be embraced

While Skepi contrasts the familiar discomfort of unhappiness with the discomfort of growth, he also implies that the pain of progress leads to happiness and self-love, which, while initially uncomfortable, is ultimately rewarding. He recommends checking ...

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Embracing Pain and Discomfort as Part of Growth

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • Pain and discomfort might not always lead to growth; in some cases, they can lead to trauma or psychological harm if not managed properly.
  • The idea that choosing the pain of progress is more rewarding is subjective and may not hold true for everyone; some individuals may find greater satisfaction in stability and predictability.
  • Positive reframing can be beneficial, but it is not a panacea; some negative experiences may require more than a change in perspective to overcome, such as professional therapy or support.
  • Resilience is important, but the emphasis on constant discomfort could lead to burnout or neglect of one's need for rest and recovery.
  • Repeated exposure to challenges may reduce perceived pain, but it could also lead to desensitization, where one might ignore warning signs of harm or not recognize when to set boundaries.
  • The discomfort of achievement is not universally embraced; some cultures or individuals may value contentment and harmony over achievement.
  • Reframing experiences to reduce their emotional and physical impact might not always be possible, especially in cases of severe pain or trauma.
  • Chosen isolation ...

Actionables

  • You can start a "Discomfort Diary" to track and reframe daily challenges, noting down any discomfort you face and then writing a positive twist or a lesson learned from it. This practice encourages you to actively seek the silver lining in difficult situations, turning them into opportunities for growth. For example, if you're nervous about public speaking, after the event, you could write about how it helped you improve your communication skills.
  • Create a "Resilience Ritual" by setting aside time each week to do something that pushes you slightly out of your comfort zone, like trying a new hobby or initiating conversations with strangers. This regular practice helps you become more accustomed to discomfort, making it less daunting over time. For instance, if you're uncomfortable with social interactions, attending a local meetup group for a topic of interest could be your weekly ritual.
  • Develop a "Focus Map" for periods of chosen isolation, such as working ...

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10. Reset Your Fake Self Love. Hurt Yourself Like God Does

Communicating with a Higher Power for Support and Guidance

Clearly articulating the feelings and states you desire cultivates divine assistance

Leo Skepi underlines the significance of precise communication with a higher power to garner the assistance and direction one seeks. He maintains that expressing exactly the emotional states one wishes to experience is central to enlisting spiritual aid.

Asking for the emotions to fuel your chosen actions, not just the actions themselves, invites supernatural help

Skepi emphasizes the importance of communicating with the divine about your true feelings and desires. For example, if you feel too tired to exercise, instead of dwelling on fatigue, you should request from the universe or God feelings such as energy, motivation, excitement, inspiration, and support. This request should be to catalyze the actions you aim to take, like attending the gym.

Inspiration, ideas, and sudden motivation often follow your requests for the right mindset

Skepi conveys that once you articulate the desired emotional states, you may find yourself inspired by random thoughts, memories, or sudden urges that orient you towards the anticipated emotions, which in turn propel you towards your actions.

Suffering is self-inflicted when you deny yourself what you truly want

Skepi posits that the sense of being punished by life or a higher power is often a consequence of not pursuing one's genuine desires, leading to self-imposed suffering.

...

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Communicating with a Higher Power for Support and Guidance

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • The assumption that a higher power will assist if one clearly articulates feelings and desires is not universally accepted; some argue that divine assistance is not contingent on human requests or clarity of communication.
  • The idea that asking for emotions to fuel actions invites supernatural help may not align with the beliefs of those who view emotions as internally generated and managed, rather than influenced by external, supernatural forces.
  • Skepi's claim that inspiration and motivation often follow requests for the right mindset could be challenged by the view that these are the results of cognitive processes or psychological factors rather than responses to requests made to a higher power.
  • The notion that suffering is self-inflicted when denying true desires can be countered by the perspective that suffering often arises from external circumstances beyond one's control, not just from internal conflict.
  • The idea that suppressing desires ...

Actionables

  • Start a daily "desire journal" to clarify and articulate your feelings and goals. Each morning, write down what you're feeling and what you wish to achieve, focusing on the emotions that drive these desires. This practice can help you understand your true intentions and may lead to a sense of being supported in your endeavors.
  • Create a "mindset request" ritual before tackling challenging tasks. Take a moment to verbalize or write down the state of mind you need to succeed, such as calmness, creativity, or resilience. Doing this can set the stage for unexpected inspiration and motivation to help you through the task.
  • Develop a "progress over stagnation" tracker ...

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