8. Reset Your Emotional Reactivity & Be The One In Control

Leo Skepi delves into the complex reasons behind why people sometimes react emotionally more intensely than the situation seems to warrant.

Emotional overreactions often stem from a subconscious need to establish boundaries and a sense of self-worth

Emotional overreactions can surface when individuals have a subconscious need to stand up for themselves or prioritize their own care, particularly if they feel their boundaries have been crossed. Skepi discusses that these intense emotional outbursts, sometimes attacking another's self-concept, are attempts to instill a fear of consequence to ensure better treatment in the future.

When emotions become uncontrollable, they can bypass guilt, allowing a person to set boundaries without hesitation. Such overreactions may offer a sense of justification for dismissing others' feelings and prioritizing one's own needs. For instance, if one can out-anger someone who's angry, it might diffuse the situation by disarming them with a more intense reaction.

Skepi emphasizes the importance of taking a moment when experiencing intense emotions to understand what is desired from the situation. This pause can bring clarity to a person's value and subconscious needs to assert themselves.

Emotional overreactions are not true self-sabotage, but rather serve a purpose, even if the outcome is damaging

Displays of strong emotion, such as crying or anger, can be attempts to manipulate the behavior of others to elicit a desired response, like care and compassion. Skepi explains that these emotional displays can be seen as ways to be taken seriously, and to be seen and heard more clearly.

Additionally, Skepi suggests that emotional withdrawal can be a defensive strategy, used to get others to prove they care and change their behavior towards you. This tactic can also serve to prioritize your feelings and needs, sometimes at th ...

Catastrophizing and using absolute language like "always," "never," and "everyone" can give a sense of justification to give up or disengage

Using absolutes or black-and-white terms ('always, 'never', 'everyone', 'everything', or 'useless') can significantly influence a person's response to situations, leading to a justification for disengagement or giving up. This form of distorted thinking exacerbates emotional reactions and can justify a disengagement from efforts to resolve issues. Skepi comments on the detrimental effects of such thinking, noting it can impact self-esteem and spur disengagement when a person tells themselves others "never liked me" or "don't care about me."

This black-and-white thinking shuts off the logical, reasoning parts of the brain during emotional arousal

When someone reacts with a heightened emotional state, stimulated by black-and-white thinking, the prefrontal cortex—the brain region responsible for logic and reason—may become less active. This impairs the ability to view situations from multiple perspectives. Once the brain's logical and reasoning functions diminish, it tends to disregard evidence that contradicts the established black-and-white viewpoint. The result is an entrenched position, leaving no room for alternative perspectives or positive reinterpretations.

Distorted thinking makes it easier to demonize others and discard any positive feelings or experiences, viewing them solely as threats

This type of thinking not only restricts logical reasoning but also simplifies complex human dynamics, making it easier to demonize others. By doing so, any positive aspects of others or alternative interpretations are rejected, and those in question are seen exclusively as threats. The behavior described by Skepi exemplifies an emotional state where logical reasoning is overshadowed by a sheer emotional response, often rooted in perceived threats or abandonment.

Assigning extreme, inaccurate meanings to minor events or changes in behavi ...

Leo Skepi delves into the intricate ways in which our core beliefs, past experiences, and subconscious desires shape our emotional reactions and behaviors towards others, especially in the context of relationships.

Unresolved trauma, core beliefs of unworthiness, and past experiences of abandonment can cause someone to perceive even minor events as threatening

Skepi likens the behavior patterns of a person with unresolved trauma and core beliefs of unworthiness to a traumatized animal, acting in self-protective ways that are overly defensive. When faced with minor events that trigger these feelings of unworthiness or fear of abandonment, individuals may take protective actions such as being standoffish, ignoring the person, or withdrawing emotionally in an effort to shield themselves from perceived harm.

This can lead them to react defensively, withdrawing or lashing out to "protect" themselves, even when the perceived threat is not real

In situations where individuals perceive threats due to their past experiences, their prefrontal cortex may essentially shut down, initiating fight or flight mode and wiping out recognition of another person's goodness. Consequently, they may see them only as a threat, leading to a defensive stance and potentially causing irrevocable damage to the relationship.

Strong emotional reactions may stem from a subconscious desire to avoid responsibility, prove one's worth, or justify prioritizing one's own needs over others'

Emotional overreactions can serve as a way for individuals to assert boundaries or protect themselves when they feel threatened. Skepi discusses how, by treating others differently, individuals might confirm their own suspicions, thereby justifying their feelings and behaviors. Such actions might stem from a "big protector aspect," a subconscious need to act defensively when experiencing strong emotions, potentially to shirk responsibility or prioritize one's needs.

Emotional displays can be a way to disarm others, get attention, or elicit a desired response, rather than directly communicating needs

Emotional responses learned from childhood might lead to the subconscious belief that emotional reactions are necessary to maintain connections with others. For instance, if as a child, not displaying emotion was equated with not caring, an individual might carry the belief into adulthood that only by showing strong emotions can they demonstrate their care a ...