6. Reset Your Inability To Feel Better In 27 Minutes
In this episode of Aware & Aggravated, the host explores the psychological reasons why feeling emotionally or physically depleted can become an ingrained state, offering a sense of control and respite from outside demands. The guest, Leo Skepi, advises against suppressing negative emotions and instead encourages observing them without judgment.
Skepi explains that the subconscious mind associates positive emotions with vulnerability and risk of taking on more obligations. By recognizing emotions as messengers trying to protect you, not enemies, you can shift your perspective and process emotions healthily. The discussion centers on the path to healing through self-aware observation of one's emotions, understanding that even painful feelings arise as the subconscious' attempt to keep you safe.
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1-Page Summary
The psychology of why feeling bad becomes a "safe" default state
According to the speaker, feeling emotionally or physically depleted provides a sense of protection and control. Appearing in "bad shape" signals to others a need for mercy and space, granting respite from demands. The speaker says anger can offer a temporary boost of energy before returning to rest. Over time, substances lose any euphoric effect and only allow basic functioning.
The subconscious resistance to feeling better and how to overcome it
The subconscious mind associates positive emotions with vulnerability, fearing that feeling better will lead to more obligations from others. When low, one is often left alone as there is little to take. According to Leo Skepi, the key is observing emotions without judgment rather than suppressing them.
Skepi encourages recognizing emotions as messengers trying to protect you, not enemies. By questioning what an emotion is safeguarding against, you become aware of your resistance to happiness. This shifts your perspective, allowing you to move through emotions healthily rather than avoiding or becoming overwhelmed by them.
The need to observe and understand one's emotions as a path to healing
Skepi emphasizes that emotions, even painful ones, are your subconscious' attempt to keep you safe and protected, not meant to harm you. Feeling drained and negative signals your brain's need for mercy and relief from others.
Observing emotions without judgment as they arise can prevent them from spiraling out of control. Instead of avoidance amplifying them, asking what each emotion protects you from disengages you from its grip. This self-aware, non-judgmental observation allows healthier processing of emotions rather than getting stuck in negative patterns.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Feeling bad as a "safe" default state can stem from a subconscious belief that negative emotions offer protection and control. This mindset may develop as a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability and potential harm associated with positive emotions. It can create a sense of safety by signaling to others a need for space and mercy, reducing external demands and providing a temporary respite. This pattern can lead to a preference for negative emotions as they are perceived as less risky and demanding compared to positive feelings.
- When someone appears in a state of distress, it can signal to others that they are in need of understanding, compassion, and space to recover. This visible distress can evoke a response from others to offer support and assistance, creating a sense of safety and care for the individual experiencing distress. The outward display of distress can serve as a non-verbal cue for others to provide emotional support and give the person experiencing distress the opportunity to take a break or seek help. By showcasing distress, individuals may communicate their vulnerability and need for a reprieve from external pressures, prompting others to offer kindness and understanding.
- The concept that substances lose their euphoric effect over time is rooted in the phenomenon of tolerance. Tolerance occurs when the body adapts to a substance, requiring higher doses to achieve the same initial effects. This diminishing response can lead to individuals seeking increased amounts of the substance, which can have detrimental effects on both physical and mental health. Over time, continued use can result in dependence and addiction as the body becomes less responsive to the substance's pleasurable effects.
- Emotions as messengers trying to protect you means that each emotion carries a message or signal about your well-being or needs. They act as internal signals to alert you to potential threats or issues that require attention. Understanding emotions in this way helps you interpret their purpose and respond to them effectively for your overall well-being. Embracing this perspective can lead to healthier emotional processing and self-awareness.
- Observing emotions without judgment involves acknowledging and accepting your feelings without criticizing or condemning them. This practice allows you to understand your emotions objectively, without adding negative thoughts or reactions that can intensify them. By observing emotions neutrally, you create a space for reflection and insight, preventing them from escalating into overwhelming or uncontrollable states. This approach helps you maintain a sense of calm and clarity, enabling healthier processing and management of your emotions.
- When you ask what each emotion is safeguarding you from, you are exploring the underlying reasons for feeling that way. This process helps you understand the purpose or function of the emotion, shifting your perspective from being overwhelmed by it to actively engaging with it. By identifying the perceived threat or need behind the emotion, you can address it more effectively and reduce its intensity. This approach encourages self-reflection and awareness, leading to healthier emotional processing and a more balanced response to challenging feelings.
Actionables
- Create an emotion journal to track your feelings and their protective roles, noting down what each emotion might be shielding you from. By doing this, you can identify patterns and triggers in your emotional responses. For example, if you consistently feel anxious before meetings, your anxiety might be a protective mechanism against the fear of being judged, and recognizing this can help you address the underlying issue.
- Develop a habit of pausing for a mindful moment when you notice a shift in your emotions, using this time to breathe deeply and ask yourself what this emotion is trying to communicate. This practice can help prevent emotions from escalating. For instance, if you start to feel irritated while stuck in traffic, taking a mindful moment could reveal that your irritation is a response to feeling trapped, allowing you to focus on what you can control, such as listening to calming music.
- Engage in a weekly 'emotion role-play' exercise with a trusted friend or family member, where you each share an emotion you've felt recently and explore together what it might be protecting you from. This can be a playful yet insightful way to understand your emotional patterns and develop empathy. For example, you might role-play feeling overwhelmed by work, and through discussion, discover it's a defense against the fear of not meeting expectations, leading to strategies for managing workload and setting realistic goals.
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The psychology of why feeling bad becomes a "safe" default state
An exploration into why individuals might find feeling bad to be a "safe" state, where negative emotions are not solely destructive but serve a functional purpose in coping with life's demands.
Feeling bad provides a sense of protection and control
Individuals may find that feeling drained and exhausted can act as a protective shield. This physical depletion signals to others and possibly a higher power that they are in need of mercy and should be left alone. The speaker hopes that by appearing in bad shape, others will recognize their fatigue and grant them the space they desire. This perceived sense of safety, through signaling their suffering, serves as a plea for respite from the demands of others and the universe.
Anger is a "safe" emotion that provides a temporary boost
Leo Skepi discusses how anger can act as a refuge, a "safe" emotion that offers a temporary source of energy. When feeling angry, they experience a surge that enables them to forcefully tackle tasks before returning to rest. Leo notes the contrast between this temporary irrit ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The psychology of why feeling bad becomes a "safe" default state
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Feeling bad as a "safe" state can be a psychological defense mechanism where negative emotions serve a purpose in coping with stress. It may provide a sense of control and protection by signaling distress to others, seeking mercy and space. This state can also involve using negative emotions like anger as a temporary source of energy to tackle tasks. Over time, reliance on negative emotions or substances to function can develop as a way to navigate life's challenges.
- Physical depletion signaling a need for mercy and space can be seen as a subconscious way for individuals to communicate their distress without explicitly asking for help. By appearing drained and exhausted, they may hope others will recognize their struggle and offer support or give them the space they need. This perceived safety in showing vulnerability can serve as a non-verbal plea for understanding and a break from external pressures. It's a way for individuals to indirectly convey their emotional state and signal that they require compassion and understanding from those around them.
- Leo Skepi views anger as a temporary source of energy that provides a boost to tackle tasks. This emotion acts as a refuge, offering a surge of strength to address challenges before returning to a state of rest. Skepi contrasts this energizing aspect of anger with the debilitating effects of deep depression, highlighting how anger can serve as a functional coping mechanism in certain situations.
- In the context of the text, the contrast between anger-induced energy and hopeless depression highlights how anger can temporarily provide a burst of energy and motivation to tackle tasks, whereas depression often leads to a sense of hopelessness and inertia, making it challenging to engage in activities or find motivation. Anger can act as a more active and energizing emotion, albeit temporarily, compared to the debilitating and overwhelming nature of depression.
- When substances lose their euphoric effect, it means that over time, the pleasurable or mood-enhancing sensations they once provided diminish or disappear. This can happen due to tolerance, where the body becomes accustomed to the substance and requires more to achieve the same effe ...
Counterarguments
- Feeling bad as a protective mechanism might be a maladaptive coping strategy that reinforces negative patterns rather than truly offering protection or control.
- While anger can provide a temporary energy boost, it can also lead to impaired judgment, strained relationships, and chronic health problems if not managed properly.
- Relying on substances for basic func ...
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The subconscious resistance to feeling better and how to overcome it
Understanding the resistance to feeling better is not intuitive for many. Leo Skepi digs into the subconscious mind's role in our emotional health and provides a path forward.
Feeling better is perceived as unsafe and vulnerable
The subconscious acts as a guardian, attracting certain experiences to maintain a sense of safety. This guardian, however, can associate positive emotions with vulnerability. When you start feeling better, a subconscious fear kicks in; it's as if feeling good signals to others that you are open to more demands, obligations, and people taking from you. In Leo Skepi's analysis, this dynamic is the crux of why allowing oneself to feel better can seem precarious.
Skepi expands on this idea, maintaining that when people are low, they're often left alone because they are seen as having little to give. The aversion to feeling better, therefore, is rooted in the anticipation that once one is okay, others will begin to ask for things again, creating more demands and pressure.
Observing emotions, not suppressing them, is the path to healing
Skepi encourages listeners to observe emotions as they arise. Rather than suppressing feelings, the key to overcoming this subconscious resistance is to feel your way out. By noting feelings of disgust, disappointment, confusion, and even envy without judgment, one can start to question what these emotions are safeguarding against ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The subconscious resistance to feeling better and how to overcome it
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- The concept of the subconscious acting as a guardian suggests that our subconscious mind plays a protective role by influencing our emotions and behaviors to maintain a sense of safety. It can create resistance to positive emotions like happiness, associating them with vulnerability and potential threats. This resistance stems from a fear that feeling better may lead to increased demands or expectations from others, triggering a subconscious defense mechanism to maintain the status quo. By understanding this dynamic, individuals can work towards overcoming internal barriers to emotional well-being.
- Observing emotions without judgment can help overcome subconscious resistance by allowing individuals to understand the root causes of their resistance to feeling better. When emotions are observed without bias, individuals can uncover the underlying fears and beliefs that contribute to their reluctance to embrace positive emotions. This practice enables individuals to acknowledge and address their emotional barriers, leading to a shift in perspective and a healthier relationship with their feelings. By approaching emotions with curiosity and openness, individuals can gradually dismantle the subconscious defenses that hinder their emotional well-being.
- Emotions as messengers suggest that our feelings carry valuable insights about our inner state and needs. Instead of viewing emotions as random or disruptive, this perspective sees them as signals that can guide us towards understanding ourselves better. By paying attention to our emotions without judgment, we can uncover important messages they convey about our well-being and areas that may need attention or healing. This concept encourages individuals to e ...
Counterarguments
- The perception of feeling better as unsafe may not be universal; some individuals may associate positive emotions with strength and resilience rather than vulnerability.
- The subconscious might not always act as a guardian; sometimes, it could be influenced by irrational fears or past traumas that do not serve an individual's current well-being.
- Not everyone may experience an increase in demands and obligations when they start feeling better; this could be a subjective experience rather than a general rule.
- The aversion to feeling better might also stem from other factors such as a person's self-esteem, cultural background, or personal beliefs, rather than just the anticipation of more demands and pressure.
- While observing emotions is beneficial, some individuals may require additional support such as therapy or medication to overcome their resistance to feeling better.
- Emotions can sometimes be misleading or a result of distorted thinking, so while they can be guides, they should not always be followed without critical a ...
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The need to observe and understand one's emotions as a path to healing
The article highlights the importance of observing and understanding one's own emotions as a means of healing and self-protection.
Emotions are not the problem, but a reflection of your subconscious needs
Emotions, particularly painful ones, are often misinterpreted as forces meant to cause distress, but they are actually signals from your subconscious trying to protect you. These feelings serve as a subconscious attempt to signal the need for mercy or relief.
The painful emotions you experience are not meant to destroy you, but are attempts by your subconscious to keep you safe and protected
Feeling drained and emotionally negative is a message from your brain aimed at protecting you. This signal is translated into a subconscious form of protection, prompting others and the universe to give you space. Seeing your emotions as your brain's way of keeping you safe from other, possibly unsafe emotions is crucial for understanding why they occur.
Observing emotions without judgment breaks the cycle of avoidance
By observing your feelings as messengers and guides rather than as adversaries, you can start to shift your relationship with them, ultimately setting yourself free from their grip.
By simply noticing your emotions as they arise, and asking what they are protecting you from, you can start to shift your relationship to them and prevent them from spiraling out of control
Instead of feeling attacked by your emotions, noticing each one as it surfaces can be a strategy to manage painful feelings. If you pay attention to these emotions when they are ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The need to observe and understand one's emotions as a path to healing
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Emotions as signals from the subconscious suggest that our feelings, especially intense or painful ones, are messages from our deeper mind trying to communicate our unmet needs or concerns. This perspective views emotions not as random occurrences but as meaningful responses that aim to protect and guide us in various situations. Understanding emotions as subconscious signals can help individuals interpret their inner experiences more effectively and respond to them in a way that promotes healing and self-awareness. By acknowledging and exploring these emotional signals, individuals can gain insights into their underlying psychological processes and work towards emotional well-being and growth.
- Painful emotions are often seen as protective signals from the subconscious, alerting individuals to potential threats or unmet needs. These emotions can act as a form of self-preservation, prompting individuals to address underlying issues or seek support. Understanding and acknowledging these emotions can lead to a healthier relationship with them, allowing individuals to navigate challenges more effectively. By viewing painful emotions as a form of internal guidance rather than solely negative experiences, individuals can learn to respond to them in ways that promote healing and growth.
- Observing emotions without judgment means acknowledging your feelings without labeling them as good or bad. This practice involves being aware of your emotions as they arise without criticizing yourself for feeling a certain way. By observing your emotions neutrally, you can break the cycle of avoidance and address them constructively. This approach allows you to understand the root causes of your emotions and respond to them in a healthier manner.
- When you notice your emotions as they start to surface, you are practicing mindfulness by being aware of your feelings in the present moment. This awareness allows ...
Counterarguments
- Emotions may not always be protective signals from the subconscious; sometimes they can be disproportionate responses to current events based on past experiences or traumas.
- Not all painful emotions necessarily serve a protective function; some may be maladaptive consequences of psychological disorders or harmful conditioning.
- Observing emotions without judgment is not always sufficient for breaking the cycle of avoidance; some individuals may require professional therapy to address deep-seated emotional issues.
- Simply noticing emotions as they arise does not guarantee that they won't spiral out of control; certain emotions, especially if they are intens ...
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