3. Reset Your Fear Of Being Judged Without Anything Else Bad Happening

Leo Skepi explores the anxiety surrounding judgment and challenges the notion that being judged by others is predominantly a negative experience. He explains that our fear of judgment is often rooted in the assumption that it will always be negative, while in reality, people can perceive us positively as well.

Our fear of being judged by others is rooted in the assumption that the judgment will be negative, when in reality both positive and negative judgments are possible.

Skepi suggests that individuals commonly fear judgment because they assume it will be negative, an assumption often based on past experiences of criticism. However, people may also admire qualities in us that others judge harshly.

People often assume that others are only looking to criticize and find flaws, based on past experiences of being nitpicked or having their flaws highlighted.

Skepi delves into how people tend to assume others are judging them negatively in public over things like their appearance or behavior. This perception is influenced by experiences where one might have only faced negative judgments, leading to expectations that all judgments will follow suit.

In reality, some people may admire or be impressed by the very same qualities that others judge negatively.

Discussing his own fear of judgment about getting tattoos, which his father strongly disapproved of, Skepi suggests that observers can have polar opposite reactions. While some might find tattoos objectionable, others could see them as an expression of individuality and admire them.

He shares experiences of being mocked for his hairline and the ease with which people can criticize without understanding the context. Yet Skepi emphasizes that the same qualities that invite ridicule could also be viewed with admiration by others who perhaps see confidence in action such as dining alone or the self-expression reflected in body art.

Recognizing that both positive and negative judgments are possible can help ease anxiety about being perceived by others.

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The fear of judgment many individuals face in adulthood can often be traced back to their formative years, where repeated negative experiences, especially within the family, set the stage for anticipating criticism in their interactions with others.

Negative childhood experiences

Negative influences in childhood, such as being constantly criticized by parents or having one's flaws singularly highlighted, can deeply condition an individual to expect and fear harsh judgments from others.

This leads us to assume that any perception by others will be a negative judgment, even when that may not be the case.

For instance, someone might step out in a perfect outfit only to have a relative comment on a pimple, completely overlooking their effort and appearance. Such experiences reinforce the belief that being perceived by anyone will inevitably result in negative judgment.

Overcoming this fear requ ...

Psychologist Leo Skepi underscores the biological and evolutionary roots of humans’ inherent need for social acceptance and approval.

Humans are biologically wired for social acceptance and approval

According to Skepi, humans are by nature oriented toward seeking acceptance and approval. This drive can be traced back to the time of our ancestors for whom being part of a social group was critical for survival.

The need for approval from caregivers as a child

Illustrating the underlying mechanisms, Skepi underscores that, from birth, a child’s need for approval from caregivers is particularly compelling. This dependency emerges because this approval equates to receiving care and support essential for the child’s survival.

This deep-seated psychological need contributes to the anxiety we feel

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Understanding how to cope with and reframe one’s perspective on the judgments of others can be pivotal in reducing anxiety related to perceptions and criticisms.

Recognizing that people's thoughts and judgments about you have no real consequences can help reduce the anxiety about being perceived.

Leo Skepi strongly believes that although we cannot control what others think or how they judge us, we do have power over the assumptions we make regarding their judgments. He says that even if someone harbors negative thoughts about you, unless they vocalize these thoughts, they have no real impact on your life. Hence, it is unnecessary to be overly worried about others' silent judgments.

Skepi also promotes the idea that one should not let the potential judgments of others dictate personal freedom or self-perception. He suggests taking command of the narrative we tell ourselves, thereby reshaping the fear of being judged. By flipping the script and choosing to assume others may see us in a positive light, we can empower ourselves and mitigate the effects ...

Leo Skepi details the importance of embracing the coexistence of contrasting judgments and perceptions to achieve a fuller understanding of oneself and others, leading to personal freedom to just be.

Allowing for the coexistence of positive and negative judgments, rather than seeing things in black-and-white terms, can provide more freedom to be yourself.

Skepi emphasizes the need to recognize that everyone is subject to both positive and negative judgments. This balance reflects the complexity of perception and helps combat the fear of judgment, moving away from a black-and-white worldview. People often judge based on perceived similarities or differences, and Skepi stresses that being different does not equate to being bad. Acknowledging this allows for a nonjudgmental approach toward individual identities, whether it's someone's hair color, clothing preference, or any other aspect of self-expression.

Recognizing that people can have a range of traits and behaviors, rather than fitting neatly into stereotypes, allows you to see them and yourself more fully.

Skepi uses personal examples to illustrate the importance of embracing duality. They discuss being both Albanian and gay, which is seen as a disappointment in the Albanian community, but also defying the promiscuous stereotype often associated with gay people by choosing not to engage in such behavior. By allowing for contradictions and recognizing the multiplicity of people's identities, Skepi advocates for a more authentic perception of individuals beyond stereotypes. He acknowledges receiving both admiration and criticism for his tattoos but chooses to embrace these diverse judgments without letting them define who he is.

Accepting the duality within yourself and others prevents you from feeling boxed in by others' perceptions or your own self-judgments.

Skepi confronts the complications of self-expression, such as criticism about his hairline, which others fail to understand stems from personal stress and medical issues. This underscores the need to acknowledge the nuances of each person's situation. Skepi encourages not reducing someone to a single characteristic and understanding each individual as a complex entity.

He points out that even seemingly "cringe" influencers may receive love and support from th ...