Why Do People Have Affairs? 7 Key Motivations
Have you ever wondered why people cheat on their partners? What drives someone to risk their relationship for an affair?
In her memoir Wild Game, Adrienne Brodeur explores the complex reasons why people have affairs through the lens of her mother's extramarital relationship. This article delves into the various motivations behind infidelity, drawing insights from Brodeur's personal experiences and observations.
Keep reading to uncover the psychological factors that can lead someone to stray from their committed relationship.
Understanding the Complex Motivations Behind Affairs
Why do people have affairs? This question has puzzled many, and the book Wild Game by Adrienne Brodeur offers a deeply personal look into this complex issue through the lens of her mother's extramarital relationship. Let's explore some of the key factors that can drive individuals to seek romance outside their marriages and gain insight into the motivations behind infidelity.
Childhood Trauma and Unmet Emotional Needs
One of the primary motivations for affairs can be rooted in a person's upbringing. In Wild Game, we see how Malabar's chaotic childhood, marked by a self-centered, alcoholic mother, shaped her adult behavior. This early lack of emotional nurturing left her with a deep-seated need for validation and attention.
If you've experienced similar childhood trauma, you might find yourself seeking the love and affection you didn't receive as a child. This can sometimes lead to looking for fulfillment outside of your primary relationship.
Dissatisfaction With Current Life Circumstances
Another common reason for affairs is dissatisfaction with one's current situation. Malabar's affair stemmed partly from her unhappiness in her marriage and her unfulfilled career aspirations. She saw the affair as a way to recapture the excitement and passion she felt was missing from her life.
It's not uncommon for people to feel stuck or unfulfilled in their current circumstances. An affair might seem like an escape or a way to inject excitement into a mundane routine. However, it's important to remember that affairs often create more problems than they solve.
The Thrill of Forbidden Love
For some, the allure of a secret romance is irresistible. Malabar's affair with her husband's best friend added an extra layer of excitement and danger to the relationship. The thrill of sneaking around and the intensity of forbidden love can be intoxicating.
While this excitement might seem appealing, it's crucial to consider the long-term consequences. The thrill of an affair is often short-lived, but the damage it causes can last a lifetime.
A Sense of Entitlement
In Wild Game, Malabar viewed her affair as her rightful path to the life she believed she deserved. This sense of entitlement can be a powerful motivator for some people to pursue affairs.
If you feel like life has shortchanged you or that you deserve more than what your current relationship offers, you might be tempted to seek fulfillment elsewhere. However, it's essential to examine these feelings critically and consider healthier ways to address them.
The Impact of Family History
Our family history can significantly influence our behavior in relationships. Malabar's relationship with her own mother shaped how she interacted with others, including her tendency to form strong emotional bonds with objects rather than people.
Understanding your family history and how it impacts your relationships can be a crucial step in breaking destructive patterns. If you find yourself repeating unhealthy behaviors, it might be helpful to explore your family dynamics with a therapist.
The Role of Unresolved Grief
Unresolved grief can also play a role in affairs. Malabar, who experienced early isolation and profound sorrow from the loss of her first child, seemed determined to seek happiness at any cost.
If you're dealing with unresolved grief or trauma, it's important to address these issues directly rather than seeking escape through an affair. Professional help can be invaluable in processing these complex emotions.
The Absence of Positive Relationship Models
The lack of positive relationship models can contribute to affairs. In Wild Game, the contrast between Malabar's tumultuous behavior and her husband Charles's steady, nurturing presence highlights the impact of different relationship styles.
If you didn't have healthy relationship models growing up, you might struggle to maintain a stable, committed partnership. Learning about healthy relationship dynamics and working on personal growth can help break this cycle.
Remember, while understanding the motivations behind affairs can be enlightening, it doesn't justify the behavior. Affairs can cause deep, lasting pain to all involved. If you're struggling in your relationship, consider seeking help from a couples therapist or relationship counselor. There are often healthier ways to address relationship issues and personal dissatisfaction than engaging in an affair.