Cheating Parents: How They Impact Children
Have you ever wondered how infidelity affects children? What happens when a child becomes entangled in their parent's affair?
In her memoir Wild Game, Adrienne Brodeur explores the devastating impact of cheating parents on their children. The book offers a raw and honest look at how parental infidelity can shape a child's life well into adulthood.
Keep reading to discover the long-lasting effects of growing up with cheating parents and the challenging journey towards healing.
The Devastating Effects of Cheating Parents
When you have cheating parents, the impact on you as a child can be profound and long-lasting. The book Wild Game by Adrienne Brodeur offers a stark look at how parental infidelity can shape a child's life well into adulthood, exploring the consequences of having parents who cheat.
A Web of Secrets and Lies
Children of cheating parents often find themselves entangled in a complex web of secrets and lies. In Brodeur's case, her mother, Malabar, drew her into the deception surrounding an affair with her husband's best friend. This involvement forced Adrienne to alter her daily life to support her mother's infidelity, even going as far as helping choose her mother's outfits for rendezvous.
Being privy to such intimate details of a parent's affair can create an unhealthy dynamic between parent and child. You might find yourself feeling indispensable to your parent, as Adrienne did, but this comes at a great cost to your own emotional well-being and personal development.
Conflicting Emotions and Loyalty
Children caught in the middle of parental infidelity often experience a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. You might feel a mix of admiration, loyalty, and resentment towards the cheating parent. Adrienne, for instance, admired her mother but was simultaneously disturbed by her self-centered actions.
This emotional turmoil can lead to feelings of guilt and a desperate longing for parental affection. You might find yourself, like Adrienne, sacrificing your own needs to cater to your parent's emotional requirements, receiving love that's conditional on your compliance with their wishes.
Strained Relationships and Trust Issues
The impact of cheating parents extends far beyond childhood, often affecting your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships as an adult. Adrienne's marriage to Jack was strained from the start due to her knowledge of her mother's affair with Jack's father. The constant lies and deception made it difficult for Adrienne to feel at ease in her own marriage, ultimately leading to its dissolution.
Trust becomes a major issue when you've grown up in an environment of secrecy and betrayal. You might struggle with maintaining your own identity in relationships or find it challenging to be truly authentic with others.
Family Dynamics in Disarray
Parental infidelity can throw entire family dynamics into disarray. In Adrienne's case, her relationships with her stepfather and stepbrother were fraught with tension due to the secrets she kept. The strain of harboring such significant information can lead to feelings of alienation from family members who are unaware of the truth.
Moreover, your relationship with the cheating parent may become increasingly complex. Adrienne experienced a period of estrangement from her mother, feeling burdened by Malabar's obsession with her affair and the emotional toll it took on their relationship.
The Long Road to Healing
Recovering from the effects of parental infidelity is a long and challenging process. You might find yourself, like Adrienne, struggling with your identity and grappling with deep despair. The journey to healing often involves confronting difficult emotions and working through depression or other mental health challenges.
It's important to remember that seeking professional help is a crucial step in this process. Adrienne worked with a therapist, Dr. B, to confront the harmful consequences of prioritizing her mother's needs over her own well-being and happiness.
Breaking the Cycle
One of the most important steps in healing from the effects of cheating parents is breaking the cycle of dysfunction. This involves recognizing that while your past experiences have shaped you, they don't define your identity or dictate your future.
Adrienne's journey involved cultivating empathy for her mother while also setting boundaries and forging her own path. She made a conscious decision to learn from her mother's mistakes and develop a deeper understanding of her own actions.
The Influence of Family History
It's crucial to understand that the behavior of cheating parents often stems from their own complex family histories. Malabar's actions, for instance, were influenced by her own chaotic childhood and her relationship with her alcoholic, self-centered mother.
Recognizing these generational patterns can help you develop compassion for your parents while also empowering you to make different choices in your own life. It's about understanding the past without being bound by it.
By confronting the impact of parental infidelity head-on, seeking help when needed, and committing to breaking destructive patterns, you can move towards healing and creating healthier relationships in your own life. Remember, while you can't change your past, you have the power to shape your future.