What’s the difference between women communicating and men communicating at work? How can you show more confidence in your communication style as a woman?
An important aspect of being a successful woman in the workplace is being an effective communicator. Jemma Roedel says this is because men and women communicate in different ways.
Let’s look at how women can improve their communication skills at work.
How to Communicate Effectively
When women communicate, they tend to be more open and receptive to others while men tend to dominate a conversation—this may be because women are socialized to put others’ needs first while men are not. Roedel writes that being conscious of such differences can help you become an effective communicator. We’ll explore three of her strategies for leveling the communication field:
- Not apologizing too much
- Speaking matter-of-factly and objectively
- Conveying authority with your physical presence
(Shortform note: On top of overcoming gender differences when it comes to communication, you may also have to work through cultural differences in a globalized workplace. In The Culture Map, Erin Meyer describes the two extremes of communication as low-context and high-context, depending on the culture. Low-context (typically English-speaking) cultures are those where people communicate and receive messages at face value; high-context (typically Asian) cultures are those where communication isn’t explicit and thus requires you to decode the underlying meaning of what the speaker is saying. Cultures also differ in the way people give and receive feedback—some prefer direct feedback while others default to indirect feedback.)
Strategy #1: Say Sorry Only When Necessary
According to Roedel, women tend to apologize too much, including for things that are entirely outside of their control. (Shortform note: Not only do women tend to apologize for things that are out of their control, but they also apologize for wanting more out of their lives. In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis contends that women must reprogram themselves to go against what society expects a “good woman” to do—sacrifice their desires to care for everyone else. She argues that putting yourself first makes you better able to care for others.)
She states that you should only apologize when you’ve actually done something hurtful. When you say sorry too often, it dilutes the meaning of your apologies when they’re actually necessary. To determine whether it’s necessary to say sorry, ask yourself if you’ve done something to damage your relationship with someone. Then decide whether your apology will help to heal that rift. If the answer to both questions is no, then you should move forward without saying sorry.
(Shortform note: Another way to stop yourself from apologizing too much is to reflect on the situations that often trigger you to say sorry. For instance, maybe you say sorry every time you express an opinion at work. Additionally, when you feel the urge to apologize, try rephrasing your apology into a statement of gratitude. For example, instead of saying, “Sorry to take up your time with this question,” say “Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.”)
Strategy #2: Speak Matter-of-Factly
Roedel also asserts that women commonly circle around their points and overly justify themselves when presenting an argument or expressing an opinion. This style of communication is often motivated by a desire to spare others’ feelings. For example, when a subordinate asks for more time on an urgent task, a woman might not say no outright; instead, she might provide context about the project timeline and acknowledge the employee’s hard work before saying no. However, to elicit respect from others with your communication style, it’s important to be straightforward and matter-of-fact. When you state your points confidently without cloaking them in layers of justification, people will place more value on what you say.
(Shortform note: Some experts point out that there’s a double standard when it comes to direct communication: When men speak directly, they’re typically viewed as confident and authoritative. However, when women use the same communication style, they’re more likely to be perceived as cold and rude. Thus, many women purposefully speak more indirectly to avoid coming off that way. At the same time, assertive, confident communicators are generally believed to be more competent, meaning that women who have a diffident communication style are often overlooked for leadership roles.)
Strategy #3: Convey Authority With Your Physical Presence
Roedel states that you can convey confidence and authority with your body language in addition to your verbal communication. This may involve learning to feel confident in occupying more physical space, which women often struggle with. Women frequently feel like they have to blend in at work, but to convey authority, it’s more effective to use expansive body language that stands out.
For example, when you’re presenting, make sure to stand with your shoulders back, instead of rolled forward. When you’re sitting at a conference table in a meeting, try claiming space by sitting in a central spot instead of off to the side. (Shortform note: According to Amy Cuddy in Presence, open, confident body language also helps to build trust with others. People perceive those who use confident body language as friendlier and more sincere. If you demonstrate friendliness through your nonverbal communication, the people around you are more likely to do the same, mirroring your behavior.)
