Types of Women to Avoid Dating: Advice for Alphas

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Unplugged Alpha" by Richard Cooper. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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What kind of women should you avoid dating? What are some red flags you should look out for in the women you date?

Dating the wrong woman can bring a host of problems into your life. As such, every man must learn how to identify whether a woman is bad for him. To that end, Richard Cooper, the author of The Unplugged Alpha, presents several warning signs that you should look out for when dating.

Keep reading for the types of women to avoid, according to Cooper.

Richard Cooper: Avoid These Types of Women

First, Cooper warns against dating women who are emotionally immature —those who are overly possessive, who regularly blow small issues out of proportion, or who don’t know how to calmly communicate any issues they may have with the relationship. Also, skip dating anyone with addictions or who lies constantly.

(Shortform note: What are signs that a woman is good for you? One key trait is emotional maturity. Unlike an emotionally immature woman, an emotionally mature one will be honest with you—even when she’s uncomfortable. She’ll be able to view situations from different perspectives—so she’ll be able to mitigate her jealousy even if she feels it and will be able to see why something might not be that big a deal. She’ll also be emotionally stable—unlike addicts in the early stages of recovery.)

Most importantly, leave immediately if she’s violent. Since men are commonly blamed for domestic violence even if they’re defending themselves from a woman’s attack, get evidence of her behavior to protect yourself.

(Shortform note: Despite Cooper’s warnings, men often struggle to leave abusive relationships—often because they don’t realize that their partner is abusive, especially if she’s not physically violent. Your partner may be abusive if she tries to scare you, makes you feel uncomfortable regarding sex, or isolates or insults you.)

Second, Cooper warns against dating women who exhibit signs of promiscuous behavior, as promiscuous women aren’t as able to have healthy, monogamous relationships. Don’t ask her how many sexual partners she’s had, as she’ll likely lie about her number. Instead, look at the company she keeps and her behavior. If her close acquaintances are promiscuous, she’ll likely be promiscuous. She also may be promiscuous if she regularly goes clubbing, posts provocative pictures on social media, or has any men in her life in a social capacity (friends included): These are all ways that she advertises her sexual availability to men.

What the Science Says About Promiscuous Behavior

How do Cooper’s claims compare to scientific research? One survey suggests that men are more likely to lie about their number of sexual partners than women: 23% of women have lied to a partner about their number compared to 42% of men. Whatever your gender, if you’re lying to make yourself seem like a better partner, there may be no point. Studies have found that people with only one sexual partner have the happiest marriages, but increasing the number of sexual partners doesn’t make a massive difference: People with mutiple partners are just 7% less likely to have happy marriages.

So what behaviors indicate promiscuity? While studies don’t indicate that the behaviors Cooper describes are directly associated with promiscuity, they may be indirectly associated. In some cultures, extroversion is associated with promiscuity—and extroverts may have more friends (both male and female) and may enjoy going out (to nightclubs) more. Additionally, women who believe they’re attractive are more likely to engage in promiscuous behavior—and if posting provocative pictures boosts a woman’s perception that she’s attractive, this may lead to promiscuous behavior.)

Third, Cooper warns against dating women who won’t value a dominant male. If she didn’t value the dominant male in her life growing up, she won’t value a dominant as an adult—so avoid women who have poor relationships with their fathers.

(Shortform note: Experts agree that women who have poor relationships with their fathers may struggle to form healthy relationships with men. However, this isn’t because she didn’t value the dominant male in her life. Instead, this is a failing on the father’s part: By not providing for his daughter’s needs, he doesn’t teach her how to interact healthily with men in general—and this pattern continues in the daughter’s life when she grows up.)

You should also avoid feminists: A feminist believes that all women (including herself) are second-class citizens. This means that she views herself as a victim—and this viewpoint ensures that she’ll never be content. Moreover, Cooper argues that modern feminism teaches women that men are evil—so no feminist will appreciate you as a dominant man.

(Shortform note: Cooper’s presentation of feminism is slightly misleading. Feminism doesn’t teach women that individual men are the problem. Rather, modern feminists usually want women and men to be treated equally under the patriarchy—which is the overall system that values men’s lives and contributions over women’s. So a feminist believes that she faces societal discrimination—and she might see herself as a victim, but this isn’t a guarantee. Rather, many people respond to this societal discrimination by taking action that improves the situation and makes them happy, such as by supporting organizations that empower women.)

The fourth (and the most important) type of woman to avoid dating is a single mother—primarily because dating a single mother saddles you with the role of a father but none of its accompanying benefits. The kids don’t carry your DNA or your last name, so you are by definition a cuckold (which is inherently bad).

(Shortform note: Contrary to Cooper’s claim, stories abound of children who’ve taken on their stepfather’s last name. In many cases, this is a choice the children made: Despite not sharing DNA with their stepfather, they view him as their “real” father because of the active role he played in raising (and disciplining) them.)

Furthermore, she’ll expect you to take care of the kids—and since single moms tend to choose low-paying careers (like nursing), this will likely include significant financial support. However, she won’t allow you to discipline them since they’re not biologically yours—and for that same reason, the kids won’t appreciate your contributions because you’re not their “real” dad.

(Shortform note: In Invisible Women, Perez elaborates on why single mothers might choose ostensibily lower-paying careers such as nursing. Many modern workplaces are designed for unencumbered workers: people who are able to work fixed hours because they’re not responsible for domestic care. Single mothers must be flexible to accommodate their childcare responsibilities—so they may choose careers that accommodate this flexibility, such as nursing. That said, nursing can be lucrative: One study found that 39% of nurses make over $80,000 annually.)

Types of Women to Avoid Dating: Advice for Alphas