What can you learn from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying? How can this book change the way you live your life?
Many of us live our day-to-day lives without stopping to think whether or not we’re going to regret our decisions on our deathbed. To live a regret-free life, it’s important to learn from the mistakes of those who came before us.
Here are the most impact The Top Five Regrets of the Dying quotes that will have you rethinking how you live.
Quotes From The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
In The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware shares the most common regrets her patients expressed in their final weeks. She argues that to avoid end-of-life regrets, you must overcome societal expectations and limiting beliefs with courage and self-reflection. By learning from her patients’ reflections, you can gain clarity on what truly matters and make positive changes before it’s too late.
Here are the best The Top Five Regrets of the Dying quotes with explanations.
“To be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.”
Ware writes that another regret many of her patients had was not being brave enough to be honest about their feelings.
Her client, Jozsef, spent most of his life working and keeping his family at a distance because he was afraid to open up and show his feelings. Later in life, he realized that by not being honest, he’d missed out on the closeness, warmth, and love that come from communicating openly with others. In the end, he told Ware that he wished his family could truly know and understand who he was as a person.
While holding back your feelings can feel safer and easier in vulnerable moments, says Ware, it prevents you from building stronger relationships with others and being understood for who you really are. Words left unsaid create barriers because they prevent others from being able to understand you and respond to your real feelings and needs. Ware argues that honest communication, especially about difficult topics, deepens your relationships. For instance, Ware spoke honestly with her grandmother about her grandmother’s old age and the thought of losing her. This allowed them to say everything they wanted the other person to know, share meaningful thoughts, and appreciate each other.
“There is nothing wrong with loving your work and wanting to apply yourself to it. But there is so much more to life. Balance is what is important, maintaining balance.”
One common regret that Ware’s patients had was spending too much time working instead of spending time with people they cared about. In their final days, many of her patients wished they had prioritized their loved ones instead of their careers and material success.
To illustrate, Ware shares the story of John, who deeply regretted having dedicated so much of his life to his work. For years, his wife wanted him to retire so they could travel together, but John enjoyed the sense of importance that came with his job and kept putting it off. Months before his scheduled retirement, his wife fell ill and passed away. Nearing the end of his own life, John told Ware that he wished he’d found a better work-life balance.
“It’s not just about staying in touch with your friends, my dear girl. It is about giving yourself the gift of their company too.”
Ware writes that many of her patients regretted not trying harder to maintain their friendships. As people get busy with work and family, friendships often fall by the wayside.
Ware shares how one of her patients, Doris, felt lonely in a nursing home. She didn’t have any family around because her daughter was living in a different county, busy with her own life. Doris told Ware that she longed for the company of her friends and wished that she hadn’t let her friendships fade. After some research, Ware was able to contact one of Doris’s old friends and facilitated a phone call between the two, which lifted Doris’s spirits and brought her happiness in her final days.
“We are all going to die. But rather than acknowledge the existence of death, we try to hide it. It is as if we are trying to convince ourselves that ‘out of sight, out of mind’ really works. But it doesn’t, because we carry on trying to validate ourselves through our material life and associated fearful behaviour instead.”
Ware writes that in our society, we avoid thinking and talking about death. Because of this, we often don’t know how to react when we encounter death in our lives—whether we’re facing our own or the death of someone close to us. Ware argues that to live without regret, we must accept death as a normal, unavoidable part of life.
Ware says that though it may feel uncomfortable, acknowledging your mortality gives you courage to live without regret: It reminds you to be intentional with your decisions, discern what truly matters, and live each moment in the most fulfilling way possible. You care less about others’ opinions and society’s expectations, and you stop chasing things that don’t make you happy. For example, when you reflect on death, you see that experiences and relationships hold more value than material possessions. In her work, Ware notes that none of her patients ever wished they’d bought or owned more things—they only cared about how they lived and impacted others.
“It is easy to think that happiness depends on something falling into place, when it is the other way around. Things falls into place when happiness is already found”
According to Ware, the second self-focused regret that people have at the end of their lives is not pursuing more happiness. She explains that many people postpone their happiness by tying it to future events, such as getting a better job or living arrangement. For example, you may think you’ll finally be happy once you buy a house or move out of your hometown. But Ware argues that happiness is a state you can create now, not something to unlock in the future. Waiting for external situations beyond your control to make you happy only delays joy.
Ware notes that some people don’t let themselves be happy because they feel undeserving or believe happiness must be earned. However, happiness isn’t a luxury or a limited resource—it’s freely available to everyone. Recognize that you deserve happiness, let go of limiting beliefs, and give yourself permission to be happy.
