This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Is your gut trying to tell you something? How can you better protect yourself from potential dangers?
Understanding violence and trusting your intuition are key to personal safety. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker explores these topics, offering potentially life-saving insights on predicting and preventing various forms of violence.
Read more to learn de Becker’s methods for recognizing warning signs, assessing threats, and responding to different types of violent situations.
Overview of The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
Your intuition is trying to keep you safe, but are you listening? The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker contends that violence is a normal part of human nature, not an abnormality, and that we often misunderstand and fail to protect ourselves from it. De Becker asserts that we all possess the innate ability to detect warning signs of danger before it happens—known as our intuition. However, we often ignore intuition in favor of logic, which leaves us more vulnerable to dangers. By learning to identify warning signs and trust your intuition, you can better manage your safety and be more prepared for dangerous situations.
De Becker is an expert in predicting and managing violence, having provided threat assessment services to top government agencies, corporations, and celebrities. He is also the founder of Gavin de Becker & Associates, a security and consulting firm dedicated to threat assessment and management. His experiences with violence at a young age laid the groundwork for his creation of MOSAIC, a threat assessment tool used by various law enforcement agencies and universities.
In this overview, we’ll first discuss the predictability of violence and some common misconceptions about it. Next, we’ll look into the importance of trusting your intuition and explore de Becker’s methods for predicting violence. We’ll then discuss strategies for preventing and responding to different forms of violence, such as workplace, domestic, and youth violence.
Understanding Violence
To be able to predict and protect yourself from violence, you must first understand it. De Becker writes that there are several misconceptions about violence that make you more vulnerable to it.
The Misconceptions About Violence
The first misconception is we often assume we can rely entirely on others, like law enforcement, to keep us safe. However, de Becker argues that your safety is your responsibility. Relying solely on others to protect you from danger gives you a false sense of security and increases your risk of becoming a victim of violence.
The second misconception is we tend to believe that violence only happens to other people. However, de Becker contends that, no matter how unpleasant it is to think about, you must acknowledge that violence is common and can happen to anyone. Denying this possibility hinders your ability to prepare for it.
The third misconception is we mistakenly believe that violence is random, impossible to understand, and therefore unpredictable. De Becker explains that violence often seems unpredictable because we lack information about why it occurred. For example, when we’re not aware of a perpetrator’s history of violence and abuse, we assume by default that the violence came out of nowhere. The media often exacerbates this misconception, describing violent acts as “senseless” and portraying the perpetrators as quiet, normal individuals.
However, de Becker argues that violence is predictable because it’s part of human nature, not an exception from it. People’s actions, including violence, are driven by basic needs we all share—such as seeking connection and avoiding pain. Though most find nonviolent ways to meet their needs, with the right mix of variables, everyone can be motivated to act violently. Thus, de Becker argues that for those who do turn to violence, their actions aren’t random or senseless. They have a reason and meaning for the person carrying them out, and understanding this can help you better predict and avoid violence.
The Power of Your Intuition
Imagine you’re walking along a forest trail at night. Suddenly, you get a feeling that you should turn back. This feeling is your intuition. Although you can’t consciously explain why, your subconscious has picked up on signals that have made you uneasy—like the sound of sticks cracking or shifting shadows in the trees.
De Becker argues that, to predict danger and violence, you must learn to listen to your intuition. He explains that your intuition is a powerful survival tool honed by millions of years of evolution. You’ve been biologically programmed to detect signs of danger and to avoid it—it’s the very instinct that allowed your ancestors to avoid threats.
However, de Becker writes that we often block our intuition from doing its job. Many of us are reluctant to follow our intuition because we rely too heavily on logic. When we experience a gut feeling—like sudden unease or fear—we rush to find reasons to discredit it. For example, you might ignore a gut feeling telling you to leave a date early because you don’t want to be rude, dismissing the feeling as just nerves.
De Becker contends that putting logic before intuition prevents you from recognizing danger. He suggests two reasons you should always trust your intuition: First, gut feelings don’t appear without a reason—they’re always triggered by something happening around you. Second, the sole purpose of your intuition is to protect you, so listening to it is rarely a bad idea. For these reasons, de Becker urges you to honor your intuition at all times: When you get a gut feeling, keep an open mind, explore its origin, and look for potential threats.
Signs of Intuition
De Becker writes that your intuition speaks to you in various ways, but fear is the strongest and most important signal. Whenever you feel afraid, you should make it your immediate priority to identify and avoid any possible dangers. Even if your fear turns out to be unfounded, exploring its source can help refine your intuition for future situations.
De Becker urges you to heed genuine fear but cautions against inventing reasons to be afraid, as constant worry can lead to unnecessary stress and distract you from noticing real threats. True fear is an instinctive response to an actual threat, while anxiety is often voluntary and unlinked to real danger. For example, the feeling you get when you’re followed into a dark alley is fear, but constantly worrying about being mugged whenever you leave home is anxiety. Recognizing this difference allows you to focus on real threats rather than imagined ones. Listening to your intuition doesn’t mean living in constant fear but rather that you have the confidence that your instincts will alert you if there’s something that needs your attention.
De Becker points out that, besides fear, intuition can speak to you in subtler forms that you should also keep an open mind to—such as doubt, persistent thoughts, or even dark humor. People often use dark humor to voice worries without coming across as too serious about them. For example, if a colleague who’s about to walk home after a late day at the office says, “At least I’m wearing my running shoes in case a serial killer comes after me,” they’re indirectly expressing their worries about how safe their walk home is.
How to Apply Intuition in Your Daily Life
De Becker suggests you use your intuition in daily interactions with others to assess their trustworthiness. You can do this by addressing potential issues and difficult topics directly in conversations. While these conversations can feel uncomfortable, the responses you receive can trigger your intuition and provide valuable insights. Even if they don’t respond truthfully, the signals they give through their words, body language, and overall demeanor all inform your intuitive feelings about this person.
For example, if you’re trying to find a new roommate, explicitly ask questions about things you might be worried about—such as their rent payment history or whether they had previous conflicts with roommates. Their responses can give you clues about whether they seem like they’d be a good roommate.
Methods for Predicting and Assessing Violence
Now that we’ve broken down the common misconceptions about violence and discussed the importance of trusting your intuition, let’s discuss several methods for predicting, assessing, and responding to violence.
Warning Signs of Violence
According to de Becker, strangers who intend to do you harm often display warning signs that you can recognize to protect yourself. While these warning signs don’t guarantee that someone has bad intentions, be cautious if a person exhibits any of the following seven behaviors:
1. Creating common ground. People with bad intentions may try to create a shared experience with you to gain your trust. They’ll often use the word “we” to suggest that you’re in the same situation together. For example, if you’re waiting for a bus that’s running late, they might say something like, “Well, it looks like we’re in for a wait.”
2. Excessive niceness. De Becker writes that strangers don’t generally go out of their way to be nice to you. Although it’s possible a person might just be acting nice, if someone seems overly friendly or helpful without reason, be cautious and consider whether they have other intentions.
3. Making you feel indebted to them. People with bad intentions may go one step beyond just being nice and give you gifts or do unsolicited favors. By doing this, they hope you’ll feel obligated to repay them and be more open to their demands.
4. Not taking “no” for an answer. De Becker states that anyone who ignores your refusals and keeps insisting until you give in is a red flag. For example, this might be if someone insists on giving you a ride home even after you’ve declined multiple times. This is the most serious red flag, according to de Becker, because when someone refuses to accept your decision, and you let them, you give them control over you.
5. Oversharing. People with bad intentions often provide too many details in their stories to seem more believable and familiar. For example, they might explain that they’re waiting for a bus because they need to buy a last-minute birthday gift for a friend who loves red pandas. De Becker notes that truthful people don’t feel the need to overshare because they aren’t worried that you won’t believe them.
6. Challenging you. De Becker writes that potential aggressors might try to manipulate you by challenging you to do what they want you to do. For example, they may say, “You’re probably too afraid to do something this spontaneous,” in the hopes you’ll feel the urge to prove them wrong. If someone challenges you, you should simply not respond at all, suggests de Becker.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Gift of Fear summary:
- Three misconceptions about violence that make you vulnerable
- The importance of trusting your gut in dangerous situations
- How to predict and prevent different types of violence
