Why does our mind get stuck in cycles of repetitive thoughts after losing someone we love? What’s the difference between helpful and harmful patterns of thinking about loss?
Mary-Frances O’Connor’s The Grieving Brain explores rumination in psychology and its complex role in the grieving process. Understanding how our brain processes loss can help us recognize when our thought patterns are helping us heal or keeping us stuck.
Keep reading to explore the science behind how our minds cope with grief and what we can do to navigate this challenging journey more effectively.
Rumination in Psychology
O’Connor explains that rumination is another common aspect of grieving. In psychology, rumination involves spending time thinking over your memories or negative feelings, and it can be helpful or harmful, depending on the type of rumination. O’Connor discusses rumination as a type of avoidance—known as the rumination as avoidance hypothesis (RAH)—and suggests that engaging in repetitive thoughts about the loss is a way to avoid the emotions associated with the loss.
O’Connor distinguishes between two types: reflection and brooding. Reflection involves purposefully analyzing your thoughts and feelings to solve problems, while brooding is passive, repetitive negative thinking that you can’t easily stop. Research shows that reflection can actually lead to decreased depression over time, while brooding predicts increased depression.
(Shortform note: The distinction between brooding and reflection may not be as clearcut as O’Connor implies. Research suggests that most people experience comparable levels of brooding and reflection in rumination, with only a quarter of study participants showing higher levels of one over the other. Since they so often co-occur, this can make it difficult to clearly pinpoint their effects as separate processes. Some studies also suggest that reflection may have no effect on depressive symptoms or may even increase them, further muddying the waters on the benefits and harms of brooding versus reflection.)
What you ruminate on can also affect how helpful it is in your grieving process, explains O’Connor. Ruminating on how you feel about the loss can help lessen your grief over time. However, ruminating on how other people have reacted to your grief (such as others’ suggestions that it’s time for you to move on) or on how unjust the death was is associated with less reduction in grief.
O’Connor also explains the concept of co-rumination—the practice of discussing problems and negative feelings at length with close friends. While this can strengthen friendships and provide emotional support, research shows it can also increase depression and anxiety, creating a cycle where people seek more co-rumination as they become more depressed.
| Rumination as Confrontation: The Response Styles Theory While O’Connor espouses the rumination as avoidance hypothesis, other researchers view rumination as the opposite—a type of confrontation. This is known as the response styles theory (RST). According to this theory, excessive rumination leads to poorer outcomes not because it prevents you from engaging with your emotions, but rather because it causes you to engage with your emotions at the expense of other activities. Rumination requires a lot of time and energy, which leaves less energy for social and recreational activities that help you cope with grief. Co-rumination can also make others more reluctant to offer social support, creating a self-reinforcing cycle. There’s evidence to support both of these theories, but treatment may differ depending on whether you approach rumination as avoidance or confrontation. The RST treatment approach would involve increasing activities that distract from the loss, whereas the RAH treatment approach would focus on confronting the loss through activities such as exposure therapy. Research shows that both of these methods can be effective in reducing rumination and improving grief symptoms, suggesting that rumination is a nuanced and multifaceted practice that has characteristics of both avoidance and confrontation. |
