How to Make Personal Connections: Acceptance Is Key

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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Do you struggle to make personal connections with others? What does acceptance have to do with connection?

Whether it’s with a friend or with a date, making connections is important. There are several ways you can go about doing this, but the root of all connections is acceptance.

Keep reading to learn how to make personal connections.

Making Connections

Fine emphasizes that your goal when conversing with a date isn’t just to talk; it’s to connect. As such, don’t plan your next question as your partner is answering your first—listen to them and think about their answer. Follow up by commenting on their response, prompting them to tell you more, or sharing something about yourself that’s connected to what they’ve just said.

(Shortform note: This formula builds a personal connection by allowing both parties to seek commonality, explore shared interests, and learn about each other. The ask, listen, explore loop helps you find topics you can both enjoy discussing more deeply.)

Whenever your date doesn’t give you enough to follow up on, use one of your icebreakers—the questions you prepared by exploring the venue, researching the event, or reading their profile.

Acceptance Is the Root of Deep Connection

For singles, making a personal connection is even more critical than Fine describes because the lack of it creates loneliness. Often, loneliness in singles comes from the fact that nobody sees them being truly relaxed and “human”—their unfiltered “self” isn’t known, accepted, and loved, since they have nobody to share it with. They need to share the unpolished being that wakes up groggy when their alarm rings, and they need it to be as appreciated and valued as their clean, professional, and put-together facade. Here’s how to use conversation to deepen a connection and increase the chances that someone gets to know your true, unfiltered self:

How to Make Personal Connections: Acceptance Is Key

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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Debra Fine's "The Fine Art of Small Talk" at Shortform .

Here's what you'll find in our full The Fine Art of Small Talk summary :

  • Why we need small talk and why we shouldn't avoid it
  • How to appear confident and engaging in any context
  • How to break the ice with strangers and keep the conversation going

Hannah Aster

Hannah graduated summa cum laude with a degree in English and double minors in Professional Writing and Creative Writing. She grew up reading fantasy books and has always carried a passion for fiction. However, Hannah transitioned to non-fiction writing when she started her travel website in 2018 and now enjoys sharing travel guides and trying to inspire others to see the world.

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