This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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How do you show appreciation? Why do you think many people feel as though they aren’t being appreciated?
From personal relationships to the workplace, showing your appreciation helps others feel affirmed and valued. Yet we may hesitate to show appreciation or not show it in the way that the person prefers to receive it. The Five Love Languages explain why people like being appreciated, how to discover someone’s love language, and how to show appreciation in a way that corresponds to the way a person prefers to be appreciated.
Read more about the five “love languages” below and how they can teach you how to show appreciation.
Employers Tend to Overlook Appreciation
Studies indicate that employees and employers value appreciation differently. For example:
- When asked to rank 10 factors that would motivate employees to do their best work, employers ranked appreciation eighth. But employees usually rank appreciation as their number one motivator.
- 88 percent of people said their employers don’t acknowledge their work, and 46 percent said they left a company because their employers didn’t appreciate them enough.
The data suggest that employers need to appreciate employees more. Learn the love languages to appreciate people in both your workplace and personal life.
The Five “Love Languages”
People have a preferred “language” or way of receiving appreciation, as well as a secondary way. If you show your appreciation using a love language that doesn’t register with someone, it won’t have the same impact as their preferred language. Here’s how to show appreciation in each of the five languages
1. Receiving gifts. If this is your love language, you feel appreciated when given material things. For example, Canfield gave one of his employees with this love language a bottle of melatonin when he heard she was having trouble sleeping.
2. Benefiting from a service. People with this love language enjoy having things done for them. Examples include offering to help someone with a project or doing the dishes for your partner.
3. Touch. Receiving touch is how people with this love language feel appreciated. At work, a handshake or hug could do the trick, while with a romantic partner, it may be sexual intimacy or cuddling. Canfield has given employees with this love language a gift card for a foot massage to show his appreciation.
4. Kind and encouraging words. People who prefer this love language need to hear kind words to feel appreciated and loved. It shows them you believe in their work and abilities.
5. Quality time. People who prefer quality time need to feel as though they’re spending uninterrupted time with someone to feel appreciated. For example, Canfield’s wife prefers Canfield give her his undivided attention when they spend time together rather than looking at his phone or the television.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Success Principles summary :
- The 67 principles to help anyone achieve their goals and dreams
- Why achieving your goals requires you to invest your time and effort
- How to take responsibility for your own life
