Is it hard for you to find common ground with difficult people? What if you had the skill to propose solutions that benefit everyone involved?
Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People by Renée Evenson helps people navigate challenging conversations. She emphasizes the importance of collaborative problem-solving and provides strategies for proposing solutions that consider everyone’s needs.
Keep reading to discover practical tips on how to propose a solution effectively and create win-win outcomes in your interactions with others.
Propose a Solution
Evenson explains that, after you’ve agreed on the precise issue you need to resolve, it’s time to suggest a potential fix and encourage the other person to do the same. The goal of this stage is to arrive at a solution collaboratively: Suggest the best possible solution you can think of, and then actively listen to the other person’s input. When they propose a solution, evaluate it objectively and with an open mind.
At this stage, it’s especially important to emphasize your desire for compromise to the other person. If they ever try to blame you or argue about who’s right or wrong, remind them that you just want to find a solution you can both agree on. Hopefully, this will keep the discussion on track. According to Evenson, any solution you propose that clearly takes the other person’s needs into account will make them less likely to get defensive or uncooperative.
| Look for Creative Win-Win Solutions Some people might resist any discussion or compromise because they stubbornly believe they should get their way. If this is the case, remind them that when you listen to one another, it’s often possible to find creative solutions that benefit both sides more than if either one had entirely gotten their way—as Roger Fisher and William Ury argue in Getting to Yes. For example, say a couple is arguing about where to go on vacation: One partner wants to relax at a quiet bed-and-breakfast, while the other—a thrill-seeker—wants to gamble in Las Vegas. After discussing potential solutions, they realize that Hawaiʻi has opportunities that make them both even more excited: They can relax on the beach and get their adrenaline pumping with activities like paragliding. To find solutions that exceed the expectations of both sides, generate many options before settling on one. The more options you consider, the more likely it is you’ll find a creative solution that neither one of you had previously thought of. |
If the Discussion Gets Too Intense, Take a Break
According to Evenson, if your discussion becomes heated and unproductive, consider halting the meeting temporarily to give both of you time to cool off. After you’ve both had time to think through the situation alone, it may be easier to negotiate solutions the next time you discuss it.
(Shortform note: If you take a break, you might be tempted to use that time to come up with counterpoints to all the other person’s arguments, recall examples of their past behavior that support your points, and come back intending to dominate the other person with your inarguable logic. This is a common mistake and will only make your emotions harder to control.)
