Do you have parenting triggers? Do little things set you off easily?
A regular mindfulness practice will not only help you become less reactive, but it will also help you understand why you respond so strongly in certain situations. Using mindfulness to increase self-awareness will help you better identify patterns and root issues that may be fueling your stress and making parenting harder.
Check out how to become more aware of your parenting triggers with a mindfulness exercise.
Become Aware of Your Triggers
Hunter Clarke-Fields recommends supplementing your mindfulness practice with reflective writing exercises to control parenting triggers. She suggests starting by reflecting on how you were raised. For example, growing up, how was love expressed? What about anger? Frustration? Sadness? How was behavior punished or rewarded? Reflecting on these early childhood experiences will help identify patterns of behavior you’ve modeled after your parents or adopted as a coping strategy. Then you can consider what you learned from childhood that you want to take with you as a parent, and what you want to let go of.
(Shortform note: According to Bruce Perry, author of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, understanding your past is crucial for shaping a healthier future for the next generation. Perry’s research shows the power of reflecting on childhood experiences to break cycles of generational trauma. By examining the emotional dynamics of your upbringing—like how emotions like love and anger were handled—you can identify destructive patterns passed down through families. This leads to personal healing and also aims to prevent these cycles from affecting future generations.)
Clarke-Fields also recommends keeping a detailed log of your triggers. She explains that by documenting who and what triggers you, along with the underlying feelings and external factors like fatigue or hunger, you can identify patterns in your behavior. Tracking provides a more objective perspective on your triggers, making it easier to recognize them and then consider alternative responses.
(Shortform note: Writing down your emotional triggers not only allows you to keep track of them, but according to Daniel Levitin, author of The Organized Mind, it also helps lighten your cognitive load. Writing down your thoughts frees up mental capacity, allowing your brain to focus more on critical thinking and problem-solving, rather than struggling to remember details. Levitin suggests that this approach reduces mental clutter, making decision-making clearer and reducing stress.)
The author adds that while it’s helpful to be more aware of your triggers, you should also reduce overall stress in your life. Stress is a significant factor in reactivity. By managing your stress effectively, she argues, you’re better equipped to parent calmly and thoughtfully. According to Clarke-Fields, you can reduce stress by exercising, getting enough sleep, and spending time with loved ones. She emphasizes that self-care is not selfish but a necessary component of being a well-regulated parent who can meet their child’s (and their own) needs with patience and understanding.
| The Effects of Chronic Stress In Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, Robert Sapolsky highlights the dangers of chronic stress, a persistent problem in modern human society, often exacerbated by the challenges of parenting. Chronic stress can lead to weakened immunity, cardiovascular issues, digestive problems, cognitive impairment, mental health disorders, accelerated aging, hormonal imbalances, and sleep disturbances. By adopting Clarke-Fields’s suggestions such as exercising, getting enough sleep, and spending time with loved ones, you can mitigate these harmful effects. Regular exercise reduces stress hormones and boosts mood-enhancing endorphins. Adequate sleep allows the body to repair itself, while social connections provide emotional support and release stress-combating oxytocin. By maintaining your physical and mental health, you’re better prepared to meet both your needs and those of your children. |
