A dad, mom, and two children walking on the sidewalk in a neighborhood illustrates parents' decision-making

What truly impacts your child’s development? Which parenting decisions matter most for long-term success?

In his book Don’t Trust Your Gut, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz contends that most day-to-day parenting decisions have minimal impact. He identifies two decisions in particular that, according to research, can dramatically affect how your children’s lives play out.

Keep reading to discover when parents’ decision-making really matters, according to the data.

Parent Decision-Making

Once they have children, many parents worry that they’re doing too much or too little to raise them right. However, Stephens-Davidowitz says that statistical studies on parenting methods reveal something unexpected—that most parents’ decision-making has very little impact on their children’s development. Nevertheless, there are two exceptions that do have a measurable impact on children’s success as they grow up—where you choose to raise them and, if they have athletic aspirations, which sports you help steer them to. It’s these two areas where data-driven parenting can make a real difference.

(Shortform note: In Cribsheet, Emily Oster adds a point of nuance to Stephens-Davidowitz’s claim that parenting decisions have little impact, based on research data. She says that the problem with parenting research is that it’s hard to design studies in a way that shows causality, which makes their results difficult to translate into actionable advice. As an alternative, she suggests that you use economic reasoning to weigh the risks and benefits of parenting decisions, based on what data you can find about their outcomes.)

The idea that parenting styles are unimportant might be hard for many people to believe. Yet, Stephens-Davidowitz states that, when looking at statistically significant numbers of children, big data research supports the strength of genetics in the “nature versus nurture” debate. To differentiate between inborn and environmental factors, scientists study identical twins who grow up apart and families with multiple adopted children (who are genetically dissimilar but share the same upbringing). The numbers reveal that the decisions parents make—from what to feed them, how much screen time they’re allowed, to how strict you are about their grades—have only a marginal impact on children’s success in adult life.

(Shortform note: In The Blank Slate, cognitive psychologist Steven Pinker details research that mostly backs up Stephens-Davidowitz’s assertions, stating that, when twins raised apart are tested for traits such as intelligence and neuroticism, about 50% of each trait is shown to have a genetic origin. However, some researchers have critiqued the model used to arrive at that number. Other studies found that how children perceive their relationship with their parents, such as whether they feel their parents are proud of them, impacts the extent to which genes influence their personalities, putting the heritability of certain traits at a range of 20%-76%.)

Where You Live

However, the numbers reveal that one factor has an oversized effect on your children’s development—where they grow up. Not only does it matter what city you raise your child in, but researchers can now determine which individual neighborhoods are best for children. Of all the possible reasons, Stephens-Davidowitz argues that the most compelling is that, by choosing where your children are raised, you determine what adult role models they’re exposed to. For example, neighborhoods with many college graduates produce more children who go on to college. Some neighborhoods are better for low-income families—for instance, if they provide role models who succeed despite their financial struggles and are active in their communities.

(Shortform note: The neighborhoods Stephens-Davidowitz discusses are rich in what social scientists call social capital—the positive value of in-person networks, community bonds, and friendships. In Bowling Alone, Robert D. Putnam shows that places with high social capital also have high rates of educational achievement, good mental health, and upward economic mobility. Unfortunately, his data also shows that social capital in the US has sharply declined since the 1950s and places where high social capital can be found are becoming few and far between.)

In short, Stephens-Davidowitz argues that, as long as you’re making an honest effort as a parent, don’t stress about your day-to-day decisions. However, if you’re concerned about your children’s upward mobility, visit the Opportunity Atlas, which organizes neighborhood research into a guide to help you find where to best raise your children.

(Shortform note: One limitation of Stephens-Davidowitz’s analysis is that his only measure of parenting success is how much income children later make as adults. In The Gardener and the Carpenter, psychologist Alison Gopnik argues that approaches such as this are flawed because they prioritize a desired outcome instead of creating a supportive environment. Gopnik recommends a gentle parenting style, but other psychologists recommend an approach that’s warm but demanding, noting that children raised in such a way seem to have the best outcomes in terms of happiness, self-esteem, school performance, and mental health.)

What Sport Your Child Plays

The other decision—which children often make themselves—that adults can nonetheless help to encourage is what sports they might choose to go into. Not all children aspire to be athletes. But, for those who do, Stephens-Davidowitz suggests that big data can help determine the most likely path to athletic success. Once again, the question comes down to nature versus nurture—or in this case, genetic predisposition versus the willingness to train and work hard. Does a person have to be a born athlete, or can they learn to be one through effort? The statistical answer turns out to be “it depends on the sport.”

Stephens-Davidowitz points to research that tracks different siblings’ athletic success. The numbers show that some sports require the right genes to reach the top, while others are open to anyone willing to learn. Basketball, running, and swimming favor certain genetic traits and body types that align with the mental skills needed for the game, whereas in baseball and football, the genetic factor is smaller. Studies of siblings who qualify for the Olympics reveal that diving, weightlifting, and horseback riding reward effort and training over natural talent more than any other sport. So, as a parent, if your child has aspirations but isn’t “built” for athletics, you might gently guide them to sports they might find more fulfilling.

But, what does it matter what sport a child goes into? Stephens-Davidowitz argues that professional aspirations notwithstanding, athletic scholarships open many doors to college education. If your child is willing to pursue such a path, a statistical analysis of college admissions reveals which sports offer the greatest opportunities. The most popular sports are, of course, very competitive, and the average high school athlete’s chances for a scholarship are low. However, several less obvious choices offer greater odds because the ratio of scholarships to applicants leans more heavily in a student’s favor. These include gymnastics, fencing, and hockey for boys, and rowing, horseback riding, and rugby for girls.

When Parents’ Decision-Making Matters Most: 2 Pivotal Choices

Elizabeth Whitworth

Elizabeth has a lifelong love of books. She devours nonfiction, especially in the areas of history, theology, and philosophy. A switch to audiobooks has kindled her enjoyment of well-narrated fiction, particularly Victorian and early 20th-century works. She appreciates idea-driven books—and a classic murder mystery now and then. Elizabeth has a Substack and is writing a book about what the Bible says about death and hell.

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