What are common obstacles that you’re bound to cross in life? How can you get past these obstacles to move forward?
Jeffrey Pfeffer says that on your journey to gain power, there will be conflicts and failures. It’s important to learn how to manage and deal with such obstacles so you don’t let setbacks stop you.
Find out how to overcome obstacles in life that are naturally going to come up.
How to Manage Conflict and Failure
Because gaining power involves competition among people with conflicting goals and ideals, you need to learn how to deal with conflict effectively. And since no one is perfect, you’re bound to experience setbacks and failures as well, so knowing how to overcome these is also crucial. Let’s look at some of Pfeffer’s advice on overcoming obstacles in life.
Choose your battles: Though conflict is inevitable, Pfeffer argues that it’s best to avoid it when possible. You don’t want to make too many adversaries along your path to power because you need allies in order to succeed, and having too many people against you will hurt you in the long run.
Therefore, only engage in a conflict if winning it will help you gain substantial power or influence. For instance, fighting with your coworkers over a promotion is probably worth it; fighting them over where to order lunch from is probably not.
(Shortform note: Pfeffer warns against unnecessary conflicts because you don’t want to make more enemies than you have to. However, in Verbal Judo, tactical communications expert George Thompson says that you can often navigate conflicts in ways that don’t feel like a fight, allowing you to debate difficult subjects without making enemies. To do this, Thompson says that you must first analyze the situation: Who are you talking to, what do they want, and why do they think you’re opposing them? Next, use active listening skills to understand the other person’s argument—repeat it back to them to show that you’re listening and to ensure that you understood. Finally, present your own arguments calmly and impersonally, no matter how angry or insulting the other person is toward you.)
Be relentless: When facing competition, the ability to be unrelenting in pursuit of your goals will give you a massive advantage. You’ll eventually wear down less-determined opponents and build a reputation as a formidable person—someone whom it’s better to support than to cross. Furthermore, this kind of determination will help you bounce back from inevitable setbacks and failures.
For example, say you’re on the board of an organization where you and another board member have put forward conflicting plans for the upcoming year. Pfeffer would advise you to relentlessly promote your own plan while pointing out flaws in the other plan, and do so every chance you get (at board meetings, through emails and phone calls, and so on). It’s very likely that your opponent will eventually back down, or that you’ll sway the other board members to your side, ensuring that your own plan gets approved.
(Shortform note: A reputation for assertiveness and stubbornness may be beneficial for a man like Pfeffer, but research has shown that such behavior is often detrimental to a woman’s career. This is particularly true for women who show their anger or frustration (recall that intentionally getting angry is another piece of advice that Pfeffer gives). Researchers believe that this double standard comes, at least in part, from gendered ideas about anger and aggressive behavior: It’s socially acceptable for men to behave aggressively, and male anger is often forgiven as merely a sign of stress. On the other hand, it’s considered improper for a woman to be assertive or aggressive—anger in particular is viewed as a personal failing in women, rather than a natural response to their environment.)
Stay on your chosen path: When facing a major setback or failure, Pfeffer says that you shouldn’t let it deter you from moving forward. Sometimes, people are so demoralized by failure that they decide to start over, whether at a different organization or an entirely new line of work.
However, this is usually the wrong move, especially if you’ve gathered a decent amount of experience or power in your current position. Starting over can seem attractive, but it’s better not to throw away what you’ve worked so hard for.
(Shortform note: The decision to walk away from a job or a career is often motivated by embarrassment or shame over a failure. In Ego Is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday explains that this happens because of pride; a prideful person views failure as an attack against their identity, prompting them to avoid future attacks (failures) by simply giving up. Holiday also says that the most successful people are those who can swallow their pride and view failure as a lesson, rather than as a threat. So, by examining the mistakes that led to your failure, you can learn how to do even better in your chosen field rather than abandoning it to start over.)
