What’s Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman about? Should you be realistic about your dreams?
Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals explores the four-step method to achieving success and happiness within the life you’ve been given. These four steps are accepting your limitations, making progress toward your goals, releasing control, and focusing on the present moment.
Read more in our brief overview of Meditations for Mortals.
Overview of Meditations for Mortals
Many people have lofty goals that they pine after but never achieve. As a result, they’re left feeling dissatisfied with their lives and critical of themselves. In Meditations for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman explains that you don’t fail to achieve your lofty goals because you’re incapable or uninspired; rather, you’re focused on the wrong things. Rather than clinging to unachievable dreams, striving for perfection, and fighting immovable obstacles, you need to embrace and work within your limitations.
Burkeman is a journalist known for his work with The Guardian. He’s also the author of books such as Four Thousand Weeks and The Antidote, both of which are about attaining happiness and success.
Step 1: Work Within Your Limitations
According to Burkeman, accepting your limitations is the first step toward building a happy and successful life. As humans, we have finite resources and opportunities. Burkeman says that while it’s good to dream big, it’s also necessary to be realistic—otherwise, you’ll waste your time and energy pining for things you’ll never attain. Instead, you should aim to flourish within your realm of possibility.
In this section, we’ll explore the three strategies Burkeman says can help you learn to work within your limitations.
Strategy 1: Change Your Mindset
According to Burkeman, to work within your limitations, you must first change your mindset. Accurately assess your reality so you can let go of unreachable ideals and focus on what’s currently possible instead of what could be possible in an abstract, unknown future. Shifting to this mindset presents two major advantages.
First, accurately assessing your reality allows you to determine—and pursue—what’s realistically possible for you. For example, you may have a laundry list of things you want to do—start writing a book, act in a TV show, write a song, and so on. However, you’re not a musician or an actor, and you work a full-time job; acting and songwriting aren’t currently within your realm of possibility because you don’t have the time, knowledge, or connections to get started. You do have experience writing, though, and can carve an hour out of each day to start a book. Once you acknowledge that writing is a realistic possibility, you’ll feel encouraged to take action toward your goals since they seem attainable, and you’ll use your time more effectively than if you spent it on goals that are out of your reach.
Second, focusing on current possibilities rather than an unknown future allows you to expend your energy where it’s most effective—on your current pursuits. Burkeman explains that, while future planning has its place, constantly worrying about the future and potential problems wastes time in the present. Instead of worrying, spend that time focusing on what’s important right now. You should trust that you’ll be able to handle future situations as they arise.
Strategy 2: Narrow Your Scope
Burkeman’s second strategy for working within your limitations is narrowing your scope—that is, limiting the commitments you spend time and energy on and the amount of information you consume. Why narrow your scope?
First, Burkeman says that making progress toward happiness and success requires you to quit unfulfilling obligations. Most people have a list of commitments they don’t find satisfying and beneficial—these waste time and emotional energy you should be putting toward things that bring you fulfillment. To quit these burdens, Burkeman recommends you identify the consequences of quitting, determine whether you’re willing to face those consequences, and then face them head-on. This will prevent you from continuing in a state of indecision and inaction.
Second, Burkeman says you need to limit the amount of information you consume and pay attention to. In the modern age, the constant flood of information through news and social media diverts our attention in a million different directions, preventing us from absorbing truly useful information. To avoid splintering your attention, Burkeman makes two recommendations: First, only pay attention to the information that interests you and that is useful now—don’t collect information for some undetermined future situation. Second, focus on one or two social issues that you can make a difference in. This will prevent you from being burdened by the inability to address every injustice.
Strategy 3: Plant Seeds for Success
Burkeman’s third strategy for working within your limitations is planting seeds for success. You can plant these seeds by implementing two habits: taking action every day, no matter how small, and keeping track of what you’ve accomplished.
Why should you take action every day? Burkeman explains that many people get stuck in a state of inaction because they’re too focused on potential obstacles or planning out methods for success. Instead of letting these things get in your way, do something meaningful every day that contributes to your goal—even if it’s small. For example, if you want to write a book but need to fix your laptop first, use the notes app on your phone to start brainstorming today.
Why should you keep track of your accomplishments? According to Burkeman, noting your achievements encourages you to continue forward. For example, say you keep a list of tasks you’ve accomplished that pertain to a given goal—the more points you have in the list, the more motivated you’ll be to continue adding to the list until the goal is complete.
Step 2: Get Moving
Once you’ve altered your mindset to work within your limitations, Burkeman says that it’s time to take action toward your goals—figure out what you need to do and how you’re going to do it, but be reasonable with yourself throughout the process. In this section, we’ll explore Burkeman’s strategies for moving forward.
Strategy 1: Get Decisive
Burkeman says that to take action toward your goals, you must first figure out what you want to do (and what you don’t).
To do so, Burkeman recommends first taking inventory of your current options and deciding what to pursue and what to leave behind. This will simplify your life and propel you from a state of indecision and stagnation to one of action. For example, you can either spend your free time writing your book, renovating your basement, or attending acting classes. You must decide which one to pursue and drop the other two for now; otherwise, you’ll accomplish nothing. Do this with decisions big and small, from where you’ll eat lunch to how you’ll spend your free time, and take action immediately—don’t just make the choice and sit with it.
Burkeman says that once you become decisive, you must identify your life task—a current goal that will push you to improve in some way. These goals arise from your personal circumstances and are about growth rather than outward achievement—for example, writing a book is a goal, but a life task might be becoming a writer—someone who expresses themself through creative writing. Burkeman adds that you can have multiple life tasks through the different phases of your life and that they all must meet two criteria: 1) They expand your comfort zone to promote long-term growth over instant gratification, and 2) they’re achievable and within your limitations, stemming from your current challenges, abilities, and circumstances.
Strategy 2: Make (and Execute) a Plan
Burkeman’s second strategy for taking action toward your goal is making and executing an action plan—break goals into smaller tasks that are easier to complete, and then whittle down your to-do list.
Burkeman explains that breaking big goals into smaller tasks will help you get more done because your tasks will seem less daunting. Perfectionists often avoid getting started on tasks that seem big and scary because they’re afraid they’ll fail, but if a challenging task is turned into 10 small, easy tasks, the work will be more enticing. Creating smaller tasks also encourages you to keep working because you’ll have small accomplishments to look back on—as we discussed before, achievement encourages action.
Burkeman also recommends tackling little tasks that cause anxiety immediately rather than pushing them aside. The anxiety that little tasks (like paying your doctor’s bill or canceling subscriptions) cause becomes an ongoing issue in your life that drains your happiness and peace. To get rid of these irritations, implement strategies to regularly manage these tasks. For example, dedicate a few minutes every day to handling them, or even dedicate a day from your weekend.
Strategy 3: Be Reasonable
Finally, one of the most important parts of taking action toward your goals, according to Burkeman, is being reasonable with yourself—don’t overwork yourself or focus too much on your problems. He offers three practical methods for being reasonable with yourself; let’s explore each.
First, Burkeman explains that consistency is key when it comes to accomplishing goals, but being too strict can be unrealistic—so you should build in some leniency. Life happens and people are imperfect, so forcing yourself to meet perfect guidelines is unlikely to work. For example, instead of striving to work toward your goal every day according to schedule, give yourself some leeway and work on your goal five days a week.
Second, spend your time wisely—Burkeman says that people can only concentrate intensely for three to four hours at a time. Forcing yourself to do high-level work for longer than this will likely lead to burnout; you’ll likely be less productive or produce lower-quality work. To make the most of your limited focus time, avoid interruptions, and when your window of focus has closed, don’t push yourself just for the sake of finishing a task.
Third, Burkeman reminds you to take problems in stride. People tend to hold the belief that they’ll eventually reach a point in life that’s free of problems. This isn’t true, and it causes people to stress over not only the problem at hand but also the fact that there’s a problem at all. Instead, remember that there will always be problems in life—this is natural.
Step 3: Loosen Your Grip
Burkeman explains that we generally have a lot of anxiety in life due to our desire for control. This prevents us from enjoying our lives to the fullest. In this section, we’ll focus on methods to help you loosen your grip so you can embrace life and make progress toward your goals.
Strategy 1: Stop Magnifying Situations
Burkeman explains that our anxiety and desire to achieve perfection often cause us to make our goals, problems, and barriers seem bigger than they are. This only exacerbates negative emotions like stress and discourages us from moving forward. To overcome this bad habit, Burkeman makes three recommendations:
First, rather than viewing your goals as big and requiring massive motivation to accomplish, pretend that they’re easy. Taking this perspective can help you feel less overwhelmed and make the goal feel more manageable—especially if you also break the goal down into smaller tasks, a strategy we discussed earlier. Further, imagining that your goals are easy will help you avoid making them unnecessarily complicated—for example, by thinking you need a laptop or a certain program to write your book when you could make do with your notes app or a pen and paper.
Second, stop trying to control other people’s emotions. We often tailor our decisions to avoid causing negative feelings for others—even if the path they’d choose for us isn’t in our best interest. But Burkeman explains that you’ll never be able to control others’ feelings, so you shouldn’t use your desire to please them as a basis for decision-making. Instead, Burkeman recommends taking others’ feelings into account, but ultimately making decisions based on what’s best for you.
Finally, Burkeman says that rather than obsessing about creating perfect work, you should focus on consistently producing work—even if it’s flawed. If you wait to have a brilliant idea before getting to work, you’ll likely be waiting a while before you produce anything. In contrast, if you push through the desire for perfection and produce work anyway, you’ll make a lot more progress toward your goals.
Strategy 2: Go With the Flow
Burkeman’s second strategy for letting go of control is embracing resonance. He explains that embracing resonance means engaging meaningfully and reciprocally with your environment, relationships, or activities—taking all you can from your experiences, and seeing the unpredictability of life (including its good and bad parts) as a gift rather than an inconvenience.
Burkeman explains that embracing resonance helps us release our desire to control the uncontrollable. When we constantly attempt to exert control over life, we end up creating unnecessary anxiety for ourselves and others. We also fail to recognize how random, sometimes inconvenient situations can bring meaning to our existence. Embracing resonance helps us overcome such short-sightedness. For example, it helps you see that it might have been inconvenient for your car to break down in the middle of the street, but if it didn’t happen, you wouldn’t have made friends with the person who pulled over to help out—an event that held significant meaning for you.
To embrace resonance, Burkeman recommends doing what you can to achieve your goals (working within your realm of control), but rolling with the punches when setbacks or distractions occur (not resisting what you can’t control). On a typical day, this might look like doing your best to stick to your schedule but engaging with interruptions that arise, such as a surprise guest visiting your office. You never know—the interruption might even give you a burst of inspiration.
Strategy 3: Be Compassionate
Finally, to relinquish your need for control, Burkeman recommends practicing compassion for yourself and others. He explains that being kind and understanding to yourself minimizes controlling, self-sabotaging behaviors like perfectionism and self-blame that ultimately decrease your productivity and happiness. To treat yourself compassionately, lend yourself the kindness and understanding you would offer a friend, and don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to—do enjoyable and fulfilling things instead.
Burkeman also explains that we often feel bad about ourselves because we believe we need to do more for others—we want to do something kind, but we feel like that means doing it perfectly and going all-out, so we end up doing nothing. Burkeman says you can avoid this trap by simply acting on your natural inclinations; behave generously when you feel like it, instead of putting it off for when you can act on it perfectly. For example, if you see a commercial that makes you want to give to charity, go online immediately and donate what you can spare rather than waiting for a time when you have more to give.
Step 4: Find Peace and Happiness in the Present
The final step toward achieving a happier and more successful life, according to Burkeman, is finding peace and happiness in the present. This means making the most of the here and now rather than focusing on the future, and finding peace by detaching from unrealistic expectations. In the following sections, we’ll explore Burkeman’s advice for accomplishing these goals.
Strategy 1: Make the Most of Right Now
To find peace and happiness in the present, according to Burkeman, you must make the most of right now. How can you accomplish this?
First, try your hardest and be your best self now—not at some future point. Many people tend to procrastinate or consider the present as practice for a better future. However, this mindset blocks you from ever reaching that potential—if you want something in the future, Burkeman says you should start acting like you’re living that life right now. For example, if you want to be an actor in the future, start practicing today like that actor would practice. If you want to become a more open person, start by practicing vulnerability with your friends today.
Burkeman says making the most of right now also requires taking your present circumstances seriously. Many people evade relationships or commitments because they feel it’s not the right time, or they overwork themselves in the present thinking that sacrificing happiness now will pay off in the future. Burkeman argues that time is finite and you must make every moment count. Your life now is just as serious as your future plans. You should cherish and make the most of the opportunities and happiness offered in the present.
Strategy 2: Detach From Unrealistic Expectations
Finally, Burkeman says that to find peace and happiness in the present is to detach from unrealistic expectations. To do so, Burkeman says you must accomplish three things: being your authentic self, letting go of your desire for permanence, and being realistic about your self-expectations.
First, being authentic means embracing who you truly are with all your imperfections, rather than trying to appear a certain way. Being inauthentic often discourages authentic connection to yourself and others. In contrast, being yourself and exposing your flaws creates a more supportive environment, argues Burkeman, which will bring more peace and happiness to your life.
Second, letting go of your desire for permanence means enjoying the present without trying to prolong or improve it. All things in life are transient, so clinging to permanence is a waste of time and energy—and constantly worrying about how you can make things better prevents you from fully enjoying what you have right now. For example, rather than worrying about photographing an event to preserve your memory or convincing people to stay longer to stop the event from ending, embrace and enjoy everything around you. This will maximize your feelings of happiness and peace while dispelling the anxiety you harbor over the situation ending.
Finally, Burkeman says that rather than striving for your actions to have a big impact on the world and getting disappointed when they don’t, you should start appreciating the small differences you can make in your immediate environment. Burkeman believes that the former attitude stems from a fear of mortality—we’re afraid of being forgotten when we’re gone, so we feel the need to leave a legacy. In reality, Burkeman argues that in the grand scheme of the universe, our actions, whether life-changing or not, don’t really matter. So instead of holding yourself to unrealistic standards that leave you unmotivated and disappointed, take pleasure in the mundane things you can do to make a difference in your immediate environment.
