What’s holding women back from fully embracing their sexuality? Why do different standards exist for men and women when it comes to sexual expression?
In A Radical Awakening, Dr. Shefali Tsabary writes that common myths about women’s sexuality have shaped societal views for generations. These misconceptions often stem from historical power dynamics and continue to influence how women view their own bodies and desires today.
Keep reading to discover how women can break free from these limiting beliefs and reclaim their sexual autonomy.
Myths About Women’s Sexuality
Tsabary discusses what she believes are harmful myths about women’s sexuality. Society tells women that connecting to and expressing their sexuality is inappropriate and shameful. They’re taught that sex is something that should happen only in wedlock with the intent of conception. However, denying women the ability to explore their sexuality—independently and with partners—takes power and pleasure away from them and gives it to men. If women aren’t allowed to explore themselves, they’re unable to experience pleasure without a man and are never given the opportunity to understand their own wants and needs. On the other hand, society says it’s OK for men to explore their sexuality alone and with others outside of wedlock.
(Shortform note: Anthropologists explain that the suppression of female sexuality can be traced to the start of farming, cattle-keeping, and competition over resources. Once communities started having excess resources, men needed to fight to protect the resources from raids. Women couldn’t do this type of work and were confined to the house. As this system progressed, men gained control over resources, and wealth inequality began to arise. Maintaining one’s wealth became important, and people did so through inheritance. However, men needed to ensure that their wives were giving birth to their children and not another man’s. Therefore, women’s sexuality was suppressed and controlled while men’s wasn’t.)
Tsabary says that women should reclaim their sexuality by exploring their own bodies and sexual interests. They should shamelessly decide who they want to have sex with, when, and how often.
(Shortform note: In Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski explains that part of exploring your sexuality is understanding the two-system mechanism in your brain that defines your sexuality personality, which is different for everyone. The first system is the Sexual Excitation System (SES), which controls arousal—it scans your environment for potential turn-ons. The other system is the Sexual Inhibition System (SIS), which scans the environment for potential reasons not to have sex. Understanding what triggers your desire to have or not have sex can help you have a more enjoyable experience. For instance, learning how to reduce SIS triggers can keep you from feeling like there’s something wrong with you when your SIS prevents your body from responding even when you want to have sex.)
