This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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What are some myths about abuse? Is domestic abuse intentional or are abusers victims as well?
Domestic abuse is a serious issue that many people don’t know they’re a victim of. In Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft dispels common misconceptions about abuse that people should be aware of.
Continue reading to learn the myths people believe about domestic abuse and why they’re not real.
Myths About Abuse
According to Bancroft, talking about abuse is made more difficult by the fact that not many people who work with abusers and their victims recognize that being abusive is a choice. Certain myths about abuse—that abusers are simply “crazy,” that abuse is caused by addiction, that abuse is a problem specific to a particular class or community, and so on—not only fail to protect victims, but actually help abusers by providing covers for their behavior.
(Shortform note: In recent years, mental health experts have pushed back against using the word “crazy” to describe perpetrators of violence, be they abusive men, mass shooters, or political leaders. Critics argue that calling these people “crazy” obscures the fact that most know full well the consequences of their actions and undertake them purposefully, either because they enjoy hurting others or expect to benefit from doing so. In addition, using “crazy” as a derogatory term is harmful to nonviolent mentally ill people, unfairly associating them with crime or abuse.)
Bancroft disputes these myths about abuse by stressing the intentionality behind abusive behavior and the need for abusers to take responsibility for their actions.
Myth #1: Most Abusers Are Mentally Ill
According to Bancroft, the vast majority of abusers do not have any serious psychiatric illnesses. Mentally ill people are statistically far more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators of it, and being a victim of abuse can actually cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and exacerbate existing disorders. In addition, abusers will often use the fact that their victim is struggling with mental illness against her, accusing her of being delusional or pointing to her emotional turmoil and stress after years of mistreatment as evidence of unfitness in custody battles.
(Shortform note: The majority of modern domestic violence and mental health organizations agree with Bancroft that most abusers are not mentally ill, and that mental illness in itself is rarely the cause of abusive or violent behavior. In contrast, victims of abuse are three times more likely than the general population to show symptoms of PTSD, to develop a major depressive or anxiety disorder, or to self-harm. They’re also four times more likely to attempt suicide and six times as likely to struggle with addiction.)
Myth #2: Most Abusers Are Themselves Victims of Abuse
Abusive men will sometimes claim to have been abused by their mother or an ex-girlfriend as an explanation for their “problems with women” or mistreatment of their current partner. According to Bancroft, these claims are usually fabricated. Of those who did grow up in an abusive household, it was usually with an abusive man whose behavior they learned to model. Claiming to be a victim allows an abuser to avoid taking responsibility for his behavior, and accusing an ex allows him to distance his new partner from any past victims who might try to warn her about him.
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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" at Shortform.
Here's what you'll find in our full Why Does He Do That? summary:
- A guide to how abusive men think
- Ways that abuse victims can better defend themselves
- A breakdown of the four most common myths about abuse
