What’s holding you back from speaking confidently in unexpected situations? How can you transform anxiety into an asset during impromptu conversations?
Matt Abrahams’s Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot has strategies to help anyone communicate more effectively under pressure. You can develop skills to organize thoughts quickly, manage emotions, and connect authentically with others.
Keep reading to discover proven techniques that will boost your confidence and transform the way you communicate in spontaneous situations.
Overview of Matt Abrahams’s Think Faster, Talk Smarter
Matt Abrahams’s Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot aims to improve your ability to communicate under pressure. Abrahams focuses on helping you speak more confidently and effectively in spontaneous situations, such as in meetings and social gatherings. His strategies can help you manage your emotions, organize your thoughts quickly, and be articulate. Abrahams argues that, by mastering these skills, you can convey your ideas compellingly and improve your connections with others.
Matt Abrahams is a lecturer at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, where he teaches strategic communication. He wrote the book Think Faster, Talk Smarter for anyone who wants to feel more confident speaking spontaneously—whether you’re a business professional looking to excel in meetings or someone simply wanting better daily interactions. The book’s insights draw from Abraham’s years of teaching experience and his research into effective communication practices.
In this overview, we’ll explain four of Abrahams’s strategies: manage your anxiety, improve your mindset, correct problematic thought patterns, and organize your thoughts effectively.
Strategy 1: Manage Your Anxiety
When you face a spontaneous situation that demands you perform, anxiety can cause you to spiral into panic and lose your train of thought. In these moments, it’s important to manage the emotions that threaten to derail you. We’ll discuss three categories of anxiety symptoms (physical, emotional, and mental) and share Abrahams’s tips for overcoming this anxiety.
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
According to Abrahams, anxiety can cause your breathing to quicken and increase your body temperature, making you feel increasingly panicked.
Overcome Anxious Behaviors
To alleviate these physical symptoms of anxiety, try two strategies Abrahams recommends:
- Slow your breathing. Focus on making your exhalations twice as long as your inhalations. Abrahams explains that when you take long exhales, you reduce the carbon dioxide in your body, which has been shown to calm your nervous system.
- Cool your body by holding something cold in your hands. Your hands help regulate your body temperature, so this will prevent excessive sweating and redness.
Emotional Symptoms of Anxiety
Facing anxiety without a strategy for handling it can exacerbate your fears and create a spiral of increasingly debilitating anxiety. When this happens, you can lose your confidence and your train of thought. Abrahams explains that while you can’t eradicate your anxiety, you can manage it.
Overcome Anxious Emotions
To prevent your anxiety from sending you into a negative spiral of fear, try these two tips Abrahams offers:
1) Practice mindfulness. Recognize that anxiety is something you’re experiencing, not something you are. By observing your anxiety with intentionality and objectivity, you’ll separate yourself from your symptoms, which can help you stay calm.
2) Reframe anxiety as excitement. By doing so, you’ll give yourself a sense of control over the situation, which can help ease the overwhelming feeling of anxiety. When you’re anxious, try repeating a mantra to yourself, such as “This is exciting.”
Mental Symptoms of Anxiety
Abrahams says that anxiety can steer your thoughts in a negative direction, escalating your anxiety. For example, imagine you become nervous when asked about yourself at a dinner with your partner’s family. As you struggle to gather your thoughts, you might become self-conscious about how long you’re taking, and you may begin to tell yourself that everyone at the table thinks you’re awkward or weird.
Overcome Anxious Thoughts
To keep anxious thoughts at bay in your day-to-day life, consider following these two tips from Abrahams:
1) Repeat a positive, self-affirming mantra. This can combat the negative self-talk that takes over in moments of doubt. For example, you might repeat to yourself the reason behind whatever you’re doing.
2) Normalize anxiety. Realizing how normal anxiety is can prevent it from overwhelming you. Remind yourself that most people would also feel anxious in the situation you’re in.
Strategy 2: View Social Situations as Opportunities
When you adjust your mindset to view spontaneous interactions with openness rather than fear, you’ll create more opportunities for positive, productive experiences. We’ll discuss the importance of maintaining a positive mindset when you’re in unexpected conversations. We’ll also cover Abrahams’s tips on cultivating this mindset.
Why Your Mindset Matters
The author argues that we commonly view spontaneous interactions as threats. We develop this mindset because social situations can be stressful and scary. However, a defensive mindset leads us to become more closed off and less effective in our communication instead of enthusiastic and creative. Abrahams highlights how this defensive mindset also manifests physically (through body language like slouching or crossing arms) and vocally (such as through rushed or tense speech).
To counteract the tendency to view spontaneous interactions as threats, Abrahams advocates for a shift in perspective: viewing impromptu speaking as an opportunity rather than a threat. By doing so, you can relax your defenses and allow your genuine personality to emerge. As you become more open and confident in your delivery, others around you will likely respond positively, too—a virtuous cycle that enhances connection and engagement.
How to Develop a Positive Mindset
Consider using these two tips from Abrahams to improve your mindset on spontaneous interactions.
1) Focus on growth. One critical mindset shift involves transitioning from a fixed mindset—viewing your abilities as static—to a growth mindset where you believe your skills develop through effortful practice (a concept popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck). Embracing this outlook encourages resilience against failure or incompetence since mistakes become learning experiences rather than definitive judgments about your capabilities. For instance, if you feel anxious before public speaking, you might remind yourself “I haven’t mastered this yet” instead of dwelling on your anxiety and shortcomings.
2) Focus on your audience. Abrahams explains that by focusing on how you can best serve the people you’re interacting with, you’ll not only communicate more effectively—you’ll also take the self-imposed, negative pressure off of yourself. Get to know your audience’s values and consider their feelings as you converse. This information will help you shape your message so they better understand it.
Strategy 3: Break Free From Thought Patterns
Another limitation that Abrahams says we encounter during spontaneous interactions is our own habitual responses. When we’re confronted with new, uncomfortable situations, it’s easy to default to the same old script. We’ll explain how taking comfortable, mental shortcuts and pursuing perfectionism prevents us from tapping into our creativity, connecting deeply with people, and authentically expressing ourselves. We’ll also share Abrahams’s tips to become more open and adaptive in spontaneous situations.
Heuristics Hamper Your Social Potential
Abrahams explains that our brains often rely on mental shortcuts, or heuristics, to handle complex tasks efficiently. These shortcuts help us respond quickly under pressure and avoid overthinking every decision of our day. For instance, if you stop to consider every detail as you decide what to wear for work, you might never leave your house. A heuristic helps you make a quick, instinctual decision about your dress so you can get to work on time. If you typically wear a sweater and slacks to work, you’ll probably default to this because it’s familiar and efficient.
Although heuristics are useful, they can also cause problems in social situations by limiting your spontaneity and creativity. For example, imagine you’re at a dinner party where you use a heuristic to only engage in conversations about work, thinking it’s the safest topic. This approach stifles spontaneity and creativity, as it prevents you from discussing more personal or imaginative subjects that could lead to deeper connections.
Defaulting to cookie-cutter responses can also prevent us from picking up on the needs of the people we interact with, resulting in lost opportunities for deep connections. For example, when someone loses weight, it’s typical to say “You look great!” However, this heuristic can reinforce the harmful idea that thinner = better, and it assumes that the person intentionally lost weight (rather than losing it due to a health issue, an eating disorder, depression, and so on). As a result, you miss out on an opportunity to connect with your friend in a more meaningful way.
How to Overcome Heuristics
Your heuristics aren’t hardwired forever—replace them with Abrahams’s recommended habits.
1) Become mindful of the situations where you typically use heuristics. We often use heuristics during stressful situations because they’re an easy, comfortable way to navigate this stress.
2) Challenge yourself to handle situations differently than you usually do. For example, if you typically lead team meetings with a presentation, try giving the floor to your colleagues to let them raise the issues most pressing to them.
Perfectionism Adds Unneeded Pressure
Another way Abrahams says we limit ourselves during social situations is by striving for perfectionism—the pursuit of perfection, even if it’s unsustainable and unrealistic. When we set unrealistically high standards for ourselves, we can create anxiety over trying to live up to them, which makes it harder to enjoy ourselves and be creative. Instead, Abrahams argues that allowing ourselves to be imperfect is crucial for success in impromptu speaking situations. Doing so alleviates the debilitating pressure of perfectionism and helps us to focus on connecting with people.
Push Past Perfectionism
Train yourself out of perfectionism with these two tips from Abrahams.
1) Speak effectively, not perfectly. When you drop unrealistic standards and aim to instead say what’s sufficient, you’ll take pressure off yourself. You’ll become free to communicate openly, authentically, and joyfully. For example, instead of trying to dig deep for perfect advice when your friend is going through a hard time at work, focus on simply saying what’ll help them.
2) Reframe performances—such as work presentations—as casual conversations. When you try to connect with people rather than impress them with perfection, you’ll be able to relax and express yourself more authentically. This will lead to more meaningful, genuine connections. Here are Abrahams’s tips to make interactions more conversational:
- Use casual language. Direct, simple words like “also” instead of “additionally,” or “stop,” instead of “cease,” help to lower the sense of stakes in an interaction, which will help everyone feel more comfortable.
- Ask questions. Questions help you go from feeling like you’re giving a presentation on your own to having a conversation together.
- Don’t memorize a script. This can create anxiety about reciting things correctly, which will take energy and attention away from interacting naturally and adaptively. Instead, list bullet points to help guide you when you need to get back on track.
Strategy 4: Structure Your Conversations
Abrahams explains that organizing the ideas you’re talking about makes your message more interesting and memorable. We’ll cover why structure is important for presenting information and discuss how to better structure your interactions.
Why Structure Is Important
Abrahams argues that structuring spontaneous communication doesn’t restrict you; instead, it liberates you to communicate more effectively on the fly. The author compares structured spontaneity to when jazz musicians improvise within preset musical structures. Just as these musicians use familiar song structures as a base for their creativity, speakers can use basic structures to organize their thoughts quickly and effectively during impromptu situations.
Logical structures make storytelling compelling and memorable. By organizing information into narratives with clear beginnings, middles, and ends, you can keep your audiences engaged while making complex ideas easier to process.
How to Structure Your Interactions
Abrahams recommends using what we’ll call a what, why, and how framework as the “do it all” structure for organizing information. Here’s how to apply it to your conversations:
- What: Start by introducing what you’re talking about. For instance, consider the start of this section, under the header “Structure your Conversations”: We began by learning this section will be about using structure to improve your communication skills.
- Why: Next, elaborate on why the topic at hand is relevant or important to your audience. For example, the second part of this section explained that learning to use a structure liberates you, improves the experience for your listener, and helps you stay on track.
- How: Finally, provide details about how to go about applying the information you’re presenting. For instance, the subsection you’re reading now tells you how to use a structure to organize information.
