Why is leaving a bad relationship so hard? How do you know it’s time to go?
Leaving a bad relationship instead of talking yourself into staying can be difficult, but it can also help you avoid regret. It’s important to recognize when you have mismatched values that can’t be reconciled.
Here’s why you should evaluate your relationships early and honestly.
What Happens When We Stay in Bad Relationships
Frequently, we talk ourselves into staying in relationships we should leave. We often regret not leaving a bad relationship (or situationship) long after it’s run its course. For example, you might waste months dating someone whom you know, deep down, isn’t the right partner. Or perhaps you put years of effort into a one-sided friendship with a person who doesn’t value you. When we talk ourselves into staying in relationships, we later regret it. We ignore obvious cues that the relationship isn’t a good fit, telling ourselves a more positive story about the other person and the prospects for our future with them.
(Shortform note: It can be hard to tell when to let go of a relationship. In Minimalism, Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus recommend evaluating your relationships to determine whether they have a positive, negative, or neutral effect on your life. Positive relationships make you happy and help you grow, while negative ones make you feel unhappy and keep you from growing. You can strengthen relationships you value by working to better understand the other person. But Milburn and Nicodemus note there’s a limit to what understanding can achieve: If the person’s behavior is harmful to you or others, or if they have values you don’t want in your life, it might be time to walk away so you don’t regret staying.)
