Leadership and Self-Deception: Study Guide & Implementation

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Leadership and Self-Deception" by The Arbinger Institute. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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Do you and your teammates speak freely? Do people in your organization take the blame when it’s due, or do they point the finger elsewhere?

Self-deception—our tendency to see the world around us in a distorted way—is a common personal and organizational problem. Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute explains how self-deception derails our relationships and keeps organizations from achieving the results they want.

Continue reading for our Leadership and Self-Deception study guide.

Leadership and Self-Deception Study Guide

Instead of focusing on producing results, many leaders are trapped “in the box” of distorted thinking—they blame others to justify their own failures. They create the “people” problems that plague most organizations. Through the fictional story of a new executive joining an unusual company, this book tells leaders how to get “out of the box”—but you don’t have to be a leader to apply the principles to your life and workplace.

Our Leadership and Self-Deception study guide includes five exercises for individuals to work through the book’s principles as well as an implementation guide to help you apply the principles to your organization.

Exercise #1: Recognizing Self-Deception

You’re in a state of self-deception when you don’t realize or accept that you’re creating a problem because you have a distorted view of reality. You blame others in order to rationalize or justify your failures. (You’re deceiving yourself about your behavior and motivations.) The book refers to this deluded state as being trapped “in the box.”

Think of a problem at work in which you were involved. How did the problem develop?
What was your role in the problem?
Looking at your answer to the above question, would you say that you’re “in the box” (your thinking is skewed toward blaming others and rationalizing your role) or “out of the box” (you clearly see what you could have done better)?

Exercise #2: What’s Your True Message?

Regardless of what management technique you use, people pick up on and respond to the feelings behind your actions (your feelings toward them). If you convey insincerity or disrespect, they’ll resist or respond in ways that make matters worse.

Think of a time when someone asked for your opinion on something, and you sugar-coated your response because you didn’t want to offend them. Did they pick up on your true feelings? How do you know this?
How could you have conveyed your true feelings honestly, without offending them?
Think of a situation at work where you’ve held back until now from saying what you think. How can you convey your views in a constructive way?

Exercise #3: Are You ‘In the Box’?

When you’re in the box, you see only your own interests and have a distorted view of others—you see them as objects or as problems standing in your way. In contrast, when you’re out of the box, you see people as being human like you and having equally legitimate interests.

Think of an incident recently where you were “in the box” and treated someone (for instance, a family member or a store clerk) as an obstacle or problem. What was the incident?
What did you say or do? How did you feel afterward?
How do you think the other person viewed the incident? If you had considered that person’s view, how would you have handled the situation differently?

Exercise #4: Experiencing Self-Betrayal

You betray yourself when you don’t do something you feel you should do—for instance, not apologizing when you know you should. Once you’ve betrayed yourself, you feel guilty and try to justify it—for instance, by exaggerating other people’s faults.

Think of a situation at work or at home where you thought of something you should do, but you didn’t do it. How did you feel immediately after choosing not to act?
What rationale or justification did you come up with to make yourself feel better for not doing it?
If you had done what you felt you should at the outset, how would you have viewed the situation differently?

Exercise #5: Losing Focus at Work

In many organizations, instead of focusing on results, people and departments are “in the box,” blaming and working against each other. This undermines the company’s success.

To what extent does the above description fit your company?
Who are you “in the box” toward at work (who do you feel is a problem or obstacle)? How do you treat them?
How does the way you treat them affect how they treat you? Are you both causing a vicious cycle?
How would treating them as a person with legitimate needs and interests affect how they treat you in return?

Implementation Guide

The ideas in this book can help organizations succeed and improve personal satisfaction and relationships. The following are areas where you can apply the concepts:

Applicant interviewing and hiring: Ask job applicants to read; then discuss the concepts and how they apply to company practices and expectations. Use this to evaluate whether candidates have the characteristics necessary for success.
Leadership and team building: Teach leaders how to be out of the box so they can help and lead others to get results. Also, teach the concepts to improve cooperation and teamwork.
Conflict resolution: Because most conflicts are rooted in blame, you can reduce them by teaching people how to stop being in the box (self-deceived and blaming others). Teach them to instead focus on others’ needs. Problems can’t be resolved until people understand their role in creating them in the first place.
Building accountability in organizations: Teaching leaders to be out of the box encourages initiative, responsibility for results and for responding to others, and accountability.
Personal development: Getting out of the box increases happiness and satisfaction. It improves self-esteem, the treatment of others, and the ability to change.

Leadership and Self-Deception: Study Guide & Implementation