This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do you consider yourself an authentic person? How does modern culture encourage inauthentic behavior?
Your environment (social circle and media) is constantly trying to shape you into something that you should be. The underlying message is that you should be, do, or have more to be “good enough.” If you’re sensitive to these opinions and focus more on satisfying the expectations of others than you do on figuring out what you need to feel inner fulfillment—this external focus inhibits you from acting authentically.
In this article, we’ll take a look at the two ways modern culture encourages inauthentic behavior: 1) insecurity, and 2) internalized criticism.
Are You an Authentic Person?
Your insecurities can make you act as if you have either an inferiority complex or a superiority complex. But how can you know if you have inauthentic traits? Psychologists agree that the more self-aware you are, the more you’ll be able to figure out if you’re showing others your “true self” or if some situations make you feel like you should wear a mask and act the way that “you should” (act inauthentically).
Developing the ability to honestly assess your feelings and behaviors takes time and patience. However, you can detect if you’re prone to acting inauthentically by assessing the level of discomfort you feel around others. Ask yourself if you have the tendency to feel:
- Embarrassed by things you’ve done or said
- Awkward and self-conscious in daily interactions
- Resentful and misunderstood
- Afraid of what others think of you
- Rejected and unheard
These feelings reflect and encourage inauthentic behavior. For example, sometimes shy people come across as loud and overbearing. This is because their discomfort around others leads them to overact to compensate for their shyness. As a result, they find themselves acting inauthentically. This leads them to question whether people like them for who they are or for the act they put on. As a result, they feel more uncomfortable about interacting with others and this encourages more inauthentic behavior.
Inauthentic behavior develops in two ways:
1) Insecurity
When you make a habit of comparing yourself to others, you’re always going to fall short. You’ll always find someone who is better at something than you are—this habit of comparison leads you to develop feelings of insecurity and inferiority which can make you come across as having an “inferiority complex” or a “superiority complex.” Both are manifestations of feeling insecure; however, people with an inferiority complex tend to try and make themselves “invisible,” while people with a superiority complex over-inflate their sense of self-importance to cover up their insecure feelings.
In both cases, your feelings of discomfort make you feel self-conscious and overly sensitive to the feedback you receive—you misinterpret your environment and get caught up in negative feedback loops (remember Bob’s tendency to self-sabotage his attempts to form friendships).
| How the Self-Help Industry Promotes Inauthentic Behavior The self-help industry is designed to help you improve yourself but sometimes it makes you feel even more insecure about the problems you’re trying to solve. It does this by focusing on the insecurities you have about yourself and setting standards for you to live up to. These books and programs target an inadequacy that you’re already feeling (for example, Psycho-Cybernetics targets your “lack of success”), and emphasize how things should be (you should be more successful). The further you are from the (often unrealistic) ideals expressed in these books and programs (you should be happier, more mindful, more grateful, or richer, and so on), the more inadequate you feel. The more you try to live up to the expectations and standards that the self-help industry promotes, the more likely you are to find “flaws” within yourself that fuel inauthentic behavior. For example, if you find yourself faking a positive attitude because these books and programs make you feel guilty for feeling unhappy. |
2) Internalized Criticism
If you’ve internalized criticism from others by identifying with their opinions about you, this also serves to inhibit you—you hold back from fully engaging in what you want to experience because you associate what you want with the negative feedback you’ve internalized. For example, when you were a child, your mom told you off for talking too much. You internalized this criticism and now associate “talking too much” with getting scolded. You formed this belief many years ago and it now lives in your subconscious mind. Even though you’re not aware of it and may not even remember the original experience with your mother, the belief continues to inhibit your ability to engage with others.
(Shortform note: Maltz’s claim that you’ve internalized feedback from your childhood that continues to impact your personality may lead you to think about how to help children to internalize positive feedback and develop authentic personalities. Bringing up emotionally healthy kids starts with ensuring they know how to process and effectively deal with their environment (the feedback they receive). Based on the latest neuroscience research, The Whole-Brain Child explains how children’s brains are wired and offers resources and strategies to promote healthy brain development. )
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- How to program your mind in the same way you’d program a machine
- How your self-image and patterns of thinking impact everything you do
- Five methods you can use to improve self-image and create success
