The Impermanence of Life: How It Helps Us Find More Meaning

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Bittersweet" by Susan Cain. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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How can we find peace with the impermanence of life? How does our impermanence give life more meaning?

According to Susan Cain’s book Bittersweet, accepting the impermanence of life can actually enhance our joy and sense of connection. She argues that we should lean into the discomfort of impermanence because it will help us to live a more meaningful life.

Read on to learn how to embrace the impermanence of life, according to Cain.

How the Impermanence of Life Creates Meaning

Susan Cain explains in her book Bittersweet that people who are drawn to states of bittersweetness have a higher-than-average awareness that their time is limited and that they’ll eventually lose the things they love. Though this awareness might sound depressing to some, Cain argues that an intimate understanding and acceptance of the impermanence of life can benefit us, enhancing our joy, togetherness, and wisdom.

(Shortform note: Cain asserts that a high awareness of the impermanence of life and death can be beneficial to us, but some argue that it can be detrimental to our mental health. People with this view argue that fixating on our mortality can make us fearful and upset, ruining our experience of the present moment. Additionally, though awareness of mortality can give our daily life weight and meaning, moments when we feel light and limitless have value too. These can turn into some of our best memories.)

In this article, we’ll discuss how awareness of the impermanence of life can create connection and meaning, according to Cain.

Embracing Impermanence

The author asserts that we all experience the effects of impermanence throughout life. We become aware of it in times of transition, like moving to a new place, and times of loss, like losing a loved one. Transformation and loss are painful because we must grapple with the truth that something in our life has changed forever, and we won’t be the same due to this shift. Because experiences that increase our awareness of impermanence are often painful and frightening (especially reminders of mortality), many people try to avoid or deny them.

Why Transitions Are Difficult

As Cain asserts, times of transition, including times of loss, are difficult because we have to let go of an old identity to become someone new. This includes letting go of some of the people and things we’re attached to. We often think of our identities and the people around us as fixed and absolute. Therefore, losing any part of our identity—whether it’s a relationship, a job, a place, or something else—makes us deeply uncomfortable because we realize that nothing in our lives is as secure as we thought.

To reflect on times of transition and transformation in your own life, try making a timeline of big events you’ve experienced. Consider how they affected you and what you learned from them. This will help you see the wisdom you’ve gained over time—one of the benefits of change and growth.

Cain argues that instead of shying away from the impermanence of life, we should coexist with it. Let’s explore two benefits of doing so: finding life more meaningful, and strengthening connections with others. We’ll then discuss how you can coexist with impermanence.

Acknowledging Impermanence Gives Life Meaning

According to Cain, acknowledging impermanence gives everyday life greater meaning and beauty. More specifically, cultivating an awareness of the impermanence of your mortality can help you appreciate what you have right now, instead of constantly seeking more—whether it’s more friends, more money, or more accolades.

(Shortform note: One way to cultivate awareness of mortality and make life feel more meaningful is through maranasati meditations: Buddhist practices for increasing mindfulness of death. These meditations range from reflections on the ever-present possibility that we could die at any moment to contemplations about the breakdown of the physical body after death. According to tradition, the Buddha encouraged monks to remain mindful of death so they could appreciate the preciousness of their current life and reduce their attachments to desires and fears. Additionally, the Buddha recommended death meditation as a way to stop conflict—once we realize that we’ll all die one day, we recognize that quarreling is futile.)

To back up this recommendation, Cain cites several studies involving the elderly, people with terminal illnesses, and people living through civil unrest—in other words, people with a high awareness of the impermanence of life. The researchers found that the participants’ knowledge that their time was limited made them better appreciate things, people, and aspects of daily life that were already familiar and important to them.

(Shortform note: One study conducted with young people found that even hypothetical scenarios that involved limiting people’s time prompted participants to choose what was familiar over what was new. In one experiment, participants were asked to select books or movies. Some were told to choose as if they were choosing for the last time, and others were given no such limit on their future. Those hypothetically choosing for the last time primarily selected books and movies they already knew and liked.)

Further, people with a greater sense of mortality are able to stay in the present moment, rather than worrying about the future.

(Shortform note: If you struggle to stay in the present moment and find yourself frequently anxious about the future, consider using some simple methods for returning to a mindful state. For example, deep breathing exercises can bring your focus back to the present and reduce feelings of anxiety. Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique, where you inhale for four counts, hold for seven, and exhale for eight.)

The Impermanence of Life: How It Helps Us Find More Meaning