This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Are you looking for How to Talk to Anyone quotes by Leil Lowndes? What are some of the most noteworthy passages worth revisiting?
In How to Talk to Anyone, communications expert Leil Lowndes offers some actionable and foolproof techniques to help you improve your social skills and learn “how to talk to anyone.” You’ll learn how to hold your body, what to talk about, and how to keep a conversation going.
Here’s a selection of key passages with explanations.
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
In How to Talk to Anyone, Leil Lowndes reveals the secret to getting people to want to talk to you. He presents practical techniques to help you overcome social discomfort, make a great first impression, and confidently develop new social and professional connections.
The following How to Talk to Anyone quotes highlight some of the key ideas.
“Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.”
According to communications expert Lei Lowndes, people don’t respond warmly to quick, instinctive smiles because they assume that you’re flashing that smile at anyone you come across. This impels them to respond in kind, by acting detached or distant.
Another offputting behavior is lack of eye contact, which others interpret as a sign that you’re either distracted or uncomfortable, and this makes it difficult for them to form an emotional connection with you.
To get a warm response, Lowndes suggests that you avoid your instinct to flash a quick smile at anyone you meet. Instead, look the recipient in the eyes, pause briefly, and then let out a big warm smile while maintaining eye contact. The delay will convince recipients that you’re smiling just for them and they’ll instantly feel like you’re happy to meet them. As you continue your conversation, attempt to maintain a comfortable amount of eye contact to convince them that you’re interested in what they have to say.
“I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.” The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.”
If you want someone to like you, turn the spotlight away from yourself. Ask them questions to learn more about how they spend their time and give them space to talk about themselves. Then mention how much you enjoy listening to them and find a way to relate your own interests to theirs. According to Lowndes, this approach will endear them to you because it signals that you’re interested in who they are and what they care about.
Remember details for future conversations: Write down interesting facts about the people you talk to so that you can refer to them the next time you meet them. Alluding to things that they’ve previously shared about themselves instantly makes them want to reveal even more—because it demonstrates that you’ve been paying attention to them and care enough to remember little details.
“…whenever people meet you, they take an instant mental snapshot. That image of you becomes the data they deal with for a very long time.”
You form an instinctive impression of everyone you come across within the first few seconds of seeing them. Before someone gets a chance to utter her first words, you’ve already made a mental snapshot of them—their personality, their feelings, their confidence levels, and their social or professional status. Most importantly, you’ve already decided whether she’s the type of person that you want to spend time with. According to Lowndes, it’s your body language that forms the basis of these impressions—this includes your posture, how comfortable you appear, the way you smile, and the way you make eye contact. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, your body language constantly emits signals about the way you feel.
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Here's what you'll find in our full How to Talk to Anyone summary :
- Practical techniques to help you overcome social discomfort
- How to confidently develop new connections
- How to appear more likable without saying a word
