This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do you want to know how to stop sabotaging yourself? What skills do you need to overcome self-sabotage?
In The Mountain Is You, Brianna Wiest provides two steps that will help overcome self-sabotage. These two steps include identifying your self-sabotaging behaviors and learning how to defeat them.
Take a look at these two steps to achieve happiness and stability in life.
How to Overcome Self-Sabotage
Wiest explains that there are two steps to learning how to stop sabotaging yourself:
- Identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and the mental-emotional (ME) deficiencies that they stem from. This will help you pinpoint the barriers preventing you from success.
- Overcome your self-sabotaging behaviors by improving your ME skills, identifying your life purpose and ideal self, and taking active steps toward achieving these goals.
Next, we’ll examine each step in detail.
Step #1: Identify Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviors and Their Root Causes
Wiest explains that you can determine whether you’re self-sabotaging by identifying everything in your life that you’re unhappy about and want to change. Then, create a list of the behaviors that are preventing you from making those changes—these behaviors are self-sabotage.
For example, imagine you’re unhappy at your current job and want to become a writer instead. However, you aren’t making progress because you haven’t started looking for a writing job—your self-sabotaging behavior is procrastination. Write this down.
(Shortform note: While Wiest recommends uncovering self-sabotaging behaviors by identifying the things you don’t want and the barriers preventing you from changing, Tony Robbins advocates focusing on what you do want instead. In Awaken The Giant Within, Robbins says that having a clear idea of what you want will positively frame your efforts to overcome obstacles (such as self-sabotage), provide you with intrinsic motivation, and consequently make you more likely to succeed.)
This exercise may not uncover all of your self-sabotaging behaviors, so Wiest suggests that you also consider whether any of the following situations are recurring themes in your life. If so, the behaviors that perpetuate them are probably forms of self-sabotage.
- You lack the commitment necessary to achieve goals or nurture relationships.
- You engage in relationships that negatively influence you.
- You rely on others or society to guide your actions and goals.
- You rarely engage with people, information, or situations that feel “new.”
Add the self-sabotaging behaviors that contribute to these themes to your list. Then, take accountability for your self-sabotage by acknowledging that you have the power to change your situation—even if that means leaving relationships, jobs, or security, or changing the way you think or act.
Overcome Self-Sabotage by Identifying and Owning Your Unhealthy Behaviors
Experts agree that comparing your behavioral patterns to common forms of self-sabotage, as Wiest recommends, is a great way to identify your self-sabotaging behaviors. They add a few related, but more specific symptoms of self-sabotage:
- You tend to be controlling or a micromanager.
- You pick fights or start conflicts with colleagues or loved ones.
- Your goals are either too high or too low.
- You tend to “overdo it” by engaging in activities like substance abuse or overspending.
- You never stand up for yourself or speak your mind.
Once you identify your self-sabotaging behaviors, experts agree with Wiest that the next step is to acknowledge your agency in the issue. They add to Wiest’s advice, noting a few techniques to help you take ownership of your self-sabotage. First, write down your bad behaviors in a journal and keep track of when you engage in them so that you can recognize your patterns. Second, make a plan of action pinpointing the specific changes you can make to stop your self-sabotaging behaviors. These activities will force you to acknowledge that your bad behaviors are patterns that you have the ability to stop.
Step #2: Strengthen Your Mental and Emotional Skills
Once you’ve identified your self-sabotaging behaviors and the ME deficits that are causing them, Wiest explains that you must take active, and sometimes uncomfortable, steps to overcome them. First, you must strengthen your ME skills by learning how to follow your instincts and effectively interpret, process, and respond to your emotions. Once you’ve improved your ME skills, you must identify your ideal self and life purpose and take steps to achieve them.
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Here's what you'll find in our full The Mountain Is You summary:
- Why the only thing standing in your way of achieving your goals is you
- How to achieve your life purpose and become your ideal self
- How to identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and stop them
