Is it possible to set personal goals that truly align with who you are at your core? What if the secret to achieving your goals lies in understanding your authentic self first?
Mike Bayer’s book Best Self reveals a framework for how to set personal goals that reflect your values and passions. His approach focuses on aligning your goals with your true character while addressing six crucial life areas: self-relationship, relationships with others, physical health, knowledge and skills, career, and faith.
These goal-setting strategies will help you bridge the gap between who you are now and who you want to become.
Set Goals That Stay True to You
You’ll use your aligned and misaligned characters—and your increased awareness of your behaviors—to set personal goals that reflect your core values and passions. Following through with these goals will help you bridge the gap between who you are now and your true self, moving you toward a life that feels more meaningful and fulfilling.
(Shortform note: James Clear (Atomic Habits) clarifies how pursuing goals aligned with your true self helps you become that self. He explains that your identity informs your actions and vice versa—someone who identifies as a hiker goes on many hikes, and someone who goes on many hikes would identify as a hiker.The more you pursue goals that align with your true self—which involves acting like your true self—the more you start to identify with that self. For example, if your true self’s goal is to communicate more honestly, each attempt you make to open up in conversations will make you feel like someone who communicates honestly. You’ll then continue to express yourself openly because that’s what honest communicators do.)
How to Set Aligned Goals
Bayer suggests setting goals by asking your aligned character how they want to show up and what they want to experience in all six life areas: relationship with yourself, relationships with others, physical health, knowledge and skills, career, and faith.
Bayer explains why your aligned character is the best place to look for goal-setting advice. This character is both a representation of who you really are and of what your ideal life looks like. Exploring what this character wants from life and what they’d do if they were in control of your behaviors will help you figure out goals that both complement who you are and move you closer to what you want.
| Meditate With Your Ideal Self Brianna Wiest (The Mountain Is You) offers practical advice for gaining insight into what your aligned character wants from life: Engage in meditation with your ideal self. First, find a quiet place, sit down with a pen and paper, take deep breaths to center yourself, and release any fears or negative emotions. When you feel relaxed, visualize the highest version of yourself sitting across from you (according to Bayer, this would be your aligned character). Then, take note of how they look, behave, speak, and communicate through their body language; what are they wearing, how are they feeling, and what do they do every day? Next, listen to the advice that this ideal self wants to give you, even if it’s something you might disagree with at first. This advice should be uplifting, caring, and helpful. Now, imagine the particular aspects of this person’s life that allow them to live their values—where they’re living, what job they’re doing, the relationships they have, their daily tasks, their habits, and so on. Finally, imagine them giving you the key to that life—their life, routines, behaviors, and skills are now yours. This final step will put you in an “action” mindset that encourages you to set appropriate goals and enact the tasks and behaviors necessary to become your ideal self. |
How to Follow Through on Your Goals
Bayer suggests that you’re more likely to follow through with your goals, live in alignment with who you are, and move toward living your ideal life if you adopt four goal-setting approaches:
1) Focus on what you can control so you can take direct action rather than getting derailed by factors outside your control. For example, if your goal is to overcome your tendency to withdraw from uncomfortable conversations with your partner, focus on improving your ability to express your feelings openly rather than trying to control your partner’s reactions.
2) Set clearly defined, time-bound goals so you know exactly what you’re working toward and can measure your progress. For example, you might set the goal of broaching a specific, contentious topic with your partner by the end of the month.
3) Break goals into small steps to help you focus on what you need to do to make progress. For example, clarify your thoughts about the topic on paper or practice expressing your feelings in front of a mirror to shore up your confidence ahead of the discussion.
4) Enlist support from others who can hold you accountable and provide encouragement as you work toward your goals. For example, ask a trusted friend to do a practice run-through of the conversation with you and ask for their feedback and advice.
