How to Read People’s Body Language: Cues to Look Out For

What does body language say about a person? What are the different types of nonverbal cues?

There are specific ways a person’s behavior may indicate their inner mind. Patrick King examines how this happens through nonverbal communication, which is what we say using our bodies, not our bodies.

Continue reading to learn how to read people’s body language.

How to Read Nonverbal Cues

King writes that we communicate more information nonverbally than verbally, and these messages often more accurately reflect our thoughts and feelings than our words do. This is because nonverbal communication is how the primitive side of our brain expresses its emotions, and that side of our brain can’t lie—unlike the more developed, rational side. Thus, we may say one thing with the words our rational brain chooses, but we may say something different with our posture, facial expressions, and so on.

He therefore argues that to learn how to read people’s body language—to know when they’re lying, holding something back, or trying to hide an emotion—you must learn to read their nonverbal cues: their facial expressions, body language, appearance, and manner of speaking. 

(Shortform note: In The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene echoes King’s assertion that we communicate more information nonverbally than verbally—even though, he adds, people tend to pay more attention to verbal communication. Greene writes that 65% of our communication is nonverbal, but we typically read only around 5% of those cues. He suggests that the best way to read a person’s nonverbal messages is to mimic what they’re physically doing—for example, if someone is tensing their neck, tense yours, as well. Greene argues that this technique can give you a window into their true feelings in a more effective way than merely observing can.)

Facial Expressions

King writes you can glean a lot of information from a person’s facial expressions—in particular, from their microexpressions: slight, brief facial expressions that a person makes as an automatic response to something. Because microexpressions are physiological, knee-jerk reactions to a stimulus, they’re hard to conceal or fake and are thus good indicators of a person’s true thoughts or feelings. 

(Shortform note: Some experts contest the idea that facial expressions, including microexpressions, are accurate assessments of a person’s inner state. They note that facial movements vary too widely to be reliable indicators of emotions: Some people may smile in anger or grimace in delight at a bad joke. Furthermore, facial expressions vary widely across cultures—in some parts of the world, wide eyes are considered aggressive, not fearful.)

King cautions that it can be difficult to read a person’s microexpressions—because they happen so quickly, you may have to watch someone more closely than is appropriate for a typical social situation. Further, he cautions against reading too much into any microexpressions. An expression of stress may indicate nervousness or discomfort, rather than deceit. 

(Shortform note: Other experts agree that overanalyzing microexpressions can strain social interactions. Psychotherapist Carl Rogers, who argues for genuine, empathetic listening to foster understanding, notes that scrutinizing others for microexpressions might make them feel uncomfortable or over-analyzed, disrupting the natural flow of conversation. In this way, the very act of trying to read others’ expressions of stress or deceit could inadvertently create tension and mistrust. Thus, this principle could unintentionally damage rather than enhance interpersonal relations, and could, as King cautions, lead to misinterpretation.)

Body Language

King writes that you can also assess how people are truly feeling—despite what they’re saying—by watching their body language: how they move their arms, legs, shoulders, and so on, and how they hold their posture. He notes some specific behaviors you can look out for that are often reliable clues to a person’s true feelings: 

Physical fight, flight, or freeze responses: Our responses to danger have remained the same over years of evolution, so we can use those tells to determine if someone feels like they’re in danger. Someone having a fight response might make threatening gestures, someone having a flight response might shift away from the threat (by leaning back from the person talking, for example), and someone having a freeze response might hold tight to something, like the edge of their desk. 

(Shortform note: In his book The Body Keeps the Score, psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk notes that the fight, flight, and freeze responses are not the sole indicators of fear or threat perception. Emotional responses such as anxiety, depression, and withdrawal could also point toward a perceived threat. Van der Kolk explains that our emotional responses have evolved parallel to physical ones, providing additional signals for danger. Therefore, observing only physical behaviors might not give a full picture of someone’s sense of danger.)

Self-soothing behaviors: King writes that self-soothing behaviors, like when someone rubs or touches their shoulders, legs, or fingers, indicate a person is nervous or stressed. The neck is a particularly vulnerable area of our bodies, and someone who feels threatened often covers or strokes it—for example, they might fidget with a necktie or necklace, or squeeze the top of their neck. They might also exhibit “ventilating” behaviors like moving their hair off their shoulders or moving their collar away from their neck, as if they’re trying to “cool off” stress. 

Deceitful behaviors: When people are lying, they may move nervously or fidget, indicating they feel a conflict between their internal reality and their external claims. They may lift their shoulders while saying they’re telling the truth, or they may scratch their nose, move their head to the side, or avoid eye contact. 

Confidence-projecting behaviors: People who are confident often make themselves appear big: They might make large gestures and leave their torsos (the most vulnerable part of the body) exposed to signal they’re not afraid of being attacked. A person feeling a lack of confidence will do the opposite—they’ll hunch their shoulders or sit back to be less visible. 

Mirroring behaviors: We mirror other people when we like and feel connected to them, and we avoid mirroring them when we dislike them. You can assess how someone feels about you by seeing if they’re adopting your posture, gestures, voice speed, or other quirks of behavior.  

Appearance

King notes that people’s clothes are often good indicators of personality because people dress to purposefully communicate things about themselves. All you have to do, then, is take in the information they’re putting out there. 

(Shortform note: Psychologists call this the psychology of dress—the study of how clothing reflects a person’s inner life and how they think about themselves: their status, mood, goals, and so on.)

Pay attention to how much effort someone has put into their appearance. If it looks like they haven’t tried hard, they may be depressed or have low self-esteem. Conversely, if they’ve put a lot of effort into their appearance, they may be confident or eager for you to think well of them. 

Note if someone’s clothes are unsuited to the current situation. This may indicate something about how the wearer perceives themselves and wants others to perceive them. For instance, if someone shows up to a dive bar wearing high-heels and cashmere, they might perceive themselves and want others to perceive them as extremely classy and sophisticated (and possibly above going to dive bars). 

(Shortform note: Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Blink, talks about “thin-slicing,” or making quick judgments based on limited information, and he agrees with King that choices in clothing can give significant clues to a person’s identity and intent. Gladwell supports this notion with a variety of case studies suggesting that even small details, like someone choosing to wear high-heels and cashmere to a dive bar, can reveal meaningful insights about how they perceive themselves and how they want others to view them. Gladwell encourages us to trust these instant assessments, as they often lead to a greater understanding of people’s character.)

Manner of Speaking 

King also writes that the way a person uses words can tell you a lot about their personality. For example, someone with a negative or angry outlook might use strong or harsh language to talk about relatively minor incidents (for instance, saying they “absolutely hate it” when the train is late). Or, someone who’s eager to be perceived as intelligent might use technical jargon when they don’t have to.

(Shortform note: Robert Cialdini, in his book Influence, extends King’s take on what language use signifies about a person. He proposes the ‘principle of consistency’—the idea that once people make a verbal statement (especially one that implies a certain personality trait or stance), they strive to act consistently with it. If someone says they “absolutely hate” late trains, they’re not just revealing their personality—they’re committing to a consistent negative stance on lateness in general. In this way, language use doesn’t just reveal—it also guides behavior.)