How well do you really know yourself? How do you regard the parts of yourself that you don’t like?
We all have parts of our personality, character, body, or background that bother us. What we do in response makes a difference. Dr. Julie Smith advises that we accept who we are, warts and all.
Read more to learn how to practice self-acceptance with Smith’s suggestions.
How to Practice Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance can seem like a form of complacency—if you believe you have nothing left to learn or improve about yourself, you’ll stop setting goals or striving to accomplish them. But, research suggests that those with high levels of self-acceptance and self-compassion have less fear of failure and, therefore, are more willing to take risks to achieve their goals.
Smith offers two pieces of advice on how to practice self-acceptance: get to know yourself well, and listen less to your inner critic. Let’s look a bit more in-depth at each recommendation.
(Shortform note: Psychology experts explain that many people fear self-acceptance will lead to laziness and self-indulgence because they have received messages from society and caregivers their whole lives that they must be tough on themselves to succeed. However, these experts explain that harsh criticism triggers our threat defense system, leading to fight-flight-freeze responses in our nervous systems. When we feel attacked, we don’t feel more motivated. Instead, we become stuck, shut down, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like food or alcohol to numb the pain.)
How do you begin to accept yourself? Smith explains that the first step is to get to know yourself by doing things like journaling, going to therapy, and talking to loved ones. As you develop self-awareness, you’ll encounter parts of yourself you’re not proud of and want to change. You must try to embrace all the parts of yourself with kindness, even the ones that frighten, confuse, and embarrass you.
Once you have cultivated self-awareness, you can work on turning down the volume on your inner critic’s voice. Start by getting to know what your inner critic sounds like—what words it uses and what it focuses on. Next, imagine what that inner voice would be like if it were a separate person. What would they look like? What’s their intention? Is this person trying to protect you from something?
| Getting to Know the Different Parts of Yourself Thinking about our minds as being made of different “parts”—some parts that are critical of us, some parts that we aren’t proud of, and some parts that we like—is the foundation of the psychology approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). In IFS, we pay attention to our sometimes contradictory feelings and thoughts and identify the parts of us that feel or think in those ways. We can visualize these parts as different versions of ourselves—separate elements that create an internal system. IFS posits that all our parts are essentially good and are trying to support and protect us, but some of them can be harsh and critical because that’s the only way they know how to help. IFS-trained therapists can guide you in getting to know your different parts, communicate with them, and transform your inner criticism into self-acceptance. |
