This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "How to Not Die Alone" by Logan Ury. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.
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Do you prefer meeting people on dating apps or in the real world? What’s the best way to meet people to date?
There’s no right or wrong way to meet people to date. It’s all about what works for you. Online and offline dating are both great options to meet potential partners, but they have slightly different dynamics.
Here are a few tips on how to meet people to date—both offline and online.
How to Meet People Offline
In her book How to Not Die Alone, dating coach Logan Ury explains how to meet people to date in the real world. To that end, she recommends two strategies. First, go to events. Optimize your chances of meeting someone great by attending events that facilitate connections and that you’ll likely enjoy: You’ll have a good time even if you don’t meet any potential partners. Consider local meetups, volunteering, or athletic leagues.
You should also connect with people at the event. Start by going alone, since people are more comfortable talking to people who are by themselves than big groups. Introduce yourself to at least one person; if you’re shy, practice first by introducing yourself to people you’re not attracted to. Be friendly during your conversation—and if you find someone you like, ask for their contact information so that you can follow up later.
Ury’s second strategy is to go on blind dates set up by people you know. To do this successfully, first ask your connections for help, describe the type of person you’re looking for, and send them some good photos of you. Then, actually go on the date—and always provide feedback. They’ll appreciate your gratitude if it was a great date. Otherwise, telling them what you liked and what you didn’t will help them provide you with better options next time or allow them to gently point out if you’re being unreasonable.
How to Meet People Online
To meet someone online, Ury recommends three strategies for improving your odds: Keep an open mind, limit the number of people you date at once, and present yourself well.
First, Ury recommends that you keep an open mind when swiping: Reconsider and readjust your filters, and don’t reject someone based on a single trait. Why? Ury explains that apps encourage you to judge people based on limited information and arbitrary criteria. But in real life, we constantly meet people who challenge our initial assumptions about what we want in a partner. For example, you might decide you never want to date a vegetarian because you think they’re all hippies, but then you meet someone great who’s a vegetarian for health reasons. So by judging people too harshly, you may be filtering out a potentially great partner.
Second, Ury recommends that you limit the number of people you date simultaneously. If you date too many people at once, you won’t get to know any of them on a deeper level. But if you limit the number of people you date, you maximize your chances of getting to know someone well and thus connecting with them romantically.
Third, Ury recommends that you present yourself well. To do so, pick great photos that clearly represent what you look like today. For best results, send a selection of photographs to your friends, since your friends are typically better than you are at choosing which photos you look best in. Additionally, create a profile that invites conversation by providing specific details about your life that someone can easily comment on. For example, instead of writing, “I like books,” list your top five books.
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Like what you just read? Read the rest of the world's best book summary and analysis of Logan Ury's "How to Not Die Alone" at Shortform.
Here's what you'll find in our full How to Not Die Alone summary:
- A science-backed approach for finding the true love you’ve always wanted
- How your patterns may be sabotaging your quest for true love
- How to effectively navigate the twists and turns of a relationship
