Do you want to live an authentic life? How can you muster up the courage to do so?
Palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware writes in her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying that a lot of courage is required to live without regrets. She shares three tips for how to live authentically and regret-free.
Below are Ware’s three tips for finding the courage to live authentically.
Finding the Courage to Live Authentically
Do you want to know how to live authentically? In her book, Ware argues that living a life without regret requires vigilance, conscious decisions, and a lot of courage. She discovered this herself as she went through her own journey, abandoning a steady job in the banking industry for an unconventional life, pursuing songwriting, and caring for patients as a palliative care nurse.
Here are three of Ware’s tips for finding courage so you can live authentically and regret-free.
Tip 1: Accept Death as a Normal Part of Life
Ware writes that in our society, we avoid thinking and talking about death. Because of this, we often don’t know how to react when we encounter death in our lives—whether we’re facing our own or the death of someone close to us. Ware argues that to live without regret, we must accept death as a normal, unavoidable part of life.
Ware says that though it may feel uncomfortable, acknowledging your mortality gives you courage to live without regret: It reminds you to be intentional with your decisions, discern what truly matters, and live each moment in the most fulfilling way possible. You care less about others’ opinions and society’s expectations, and you stop chasing things that don’t make you happy. For example, when you reflect on death, you see that experiences and relationships hold more value than material possessions. In her work, Ware notes that none of her patients ever wished they’d bought or owned more things—they only cared about how they lived and impacted others.
Tip 2: Choose the Right Environment for You
To avoid regret, Ware also recommends choosing environments that match your goals and values. Your surroundings, such as where you live, work, and spend your time, strongly influence who you become, so you must find the right environments to support you.
Ware shares a story about a younger client that illustrates the impact your environment has on your life. After an accident, her client went into an assisted living facility. Ware noticed that before long, the energy and drive her client once had to learn, grow, and interact with the world began to fade. His new surroundings, whether he realized it or not, affected his mood and outlook.
Ware suggests you select the environments that line up with where you want to go in life and leave those that don’t. The right environments can inspire you to grow and be your best, while the wrong environments can make it harder for you to make good choices.
(Shortform note: In The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy argues that your environment includes not just your physical surroundings, but also your mind space. To create an environment that helps you reach your goals, you should clear out both physical clutter and what Hardy calls “psychic clutter”—unfinished tasks and unfulfilled commitments that bog you down. He adds that what you allow in your environment tends to multiply, so it’s important not to accept disrespect, poor health, or other negative influences. Protecting your physical, emotional, and mental spaces gives you more peace, creativity, and capacity to focus on your goals.)
Tip 3: Accept Things Outside of Your Control
Finally, Ware advises you to accept things you can’t control. Letting go of your need for control allows you to act courageously. If you recognize that you’ll never fully be in control, focus on doing what you can, and trust that things will work out in the end, you’ll find it easier to be happy and make good choices, even if they scare you. For example, you can express yourself honestly, knowing that how others respond is out of your hands.
To help you accept that you can’t control everything, Ware recommends you practice meditation and self-compassion. First, practice meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. When you pay more attention to your thoughts, you can notice when you’re having unhelpful thoughts and replace them with better ones. For example, if you make a mistake at work and start thinking, “I’m a total failure,” meditation can help you recognize this unhelpful thought. You can then replace it with a more balanced view like, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me. I can learn from this and do better next time.”
Second, learn to have self-compassion by being kinder and more accepting of yourself. Self-compassion allows you to accept your situation and limitations, rather than fighting reality and berating yourself for what you can’t change. When you’re understanding of yourself, you can make hard decisions with less fear. You know that even if things don’t work out perfectly, you’ll treat yourself with kindness instead of self-criticism. This frees you to act with more courage and make decisions you won’t regret.
