How to Have a Better Orgasm: Tips for Women

This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "The 4-Hour Body" by Timothy Ferriss. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading.

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Do you want to know how to have a better orgasm? What can women and their partners do to improve their orgasm?

For women that want to know how to have a better orgasm, it helps to understand the science behind it. The 4-Hour Body includes some tips for women and their partners to explore.

Keep reading for tips for women on how to have a better orgasm.

Women’s Orgasms

According to researchers, 50% of women in the US can’t orgasm, and 70% can’t orgasm from intercourse. The author consulted with scientists, experts, and porn stars, and again engaged in experimentation, to figure the best ways to create women’s orgasms, which he defines as a state in which there’s no emotional or physical resistance to a finger touching the clitoris. This resistance-less state produces flushing and involuntary contractions.

First, we’ll look at achieving orgasms outside of sex—women need focus to reach orgasm, and sometimes there’s so much going on during sex that they become distracted. Later, we’ll look at how to achieve orgasm during sex.

How to Have Better Orgasms in Isolation

The author covers two ways to practice orgasm without sex: self-exploration, and a partner-based technique developed by OneTaste, a sex research business.

Self-Exploration

Self-exploration is the first way to practice orgasm and involves a combination of self-reflection, soul-searching, and practicing masturbating. Here are some specific recommendations:

Recommendation #1: Reflect on your experiences by asking yourself the following questions:

Has there ever been a moment when you felt you were close to orgasm?
Have you become less interested in sex lately?
Do you want to have an orgasm?

Recommendation #2: Watch “10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm.”

Recommendation #3: Learn what arouses you. Read erotica by women and explore fantasies.

Recommendation #4: Practice masturbating. Porn star Nina Hartley recommends practicing for five minutes a time, right before going to sleep or after waking up. If you feel shame or guilt, read When the Earth Moves, and/or keep in mind that these feelings will fade with practice.

For example, Giselle had never experienced an orgasm. She also never masturbated, likely because she was raised Catholic and her mother put a lot of pressure on her to be a good example for her younger sisters. Giselle talked to her friends about masturbating and discovered they all did it, which made her feel like it was more normal. Giselle practiced five minutes a night before going to bed and was eventually able to achieve orgasm with partners.

Recommendation #5: Up your masturbating game by purchasing a vibrator that has different speed settings. Try holding off on the vibrator until you’re close to orgasm.

Recommendation #6: Work your pubococcygeus (pelvic floor) muscle. A strong pubococcygeus muscle makes it easier to orgasm. Strengthen it by using vaginal barbells, which are small weights inserted into the vagina. Contract to hold the barbells in while you try to pull them out with your fingers.

The OneTaste Technique

The OneTaste technique is the second method for practicing how to have a better orgasm. The author studied with OneTaste practitioners to learn their techniques and believes their 15-minutes-to-orgasm session is very effective for two reasons: There are no goals (and therefore no pressure), and it separates orgasm from sex.

The technique is practiced for a timed, 15-minute session. Here are the steps:

Step #1: Talk to your partner to make sure you both understand that there’s no goal for the session—all the man is going to do is practice one stroke. It is part of the process of learning how to have a better orgasm. Particularly make it clear:

The woman doesn’t need to moan or conceal facial expressions.
The experience should be fun, experimental, and light.
No idle chatter is allowed—it’s distracting.
No insertion is allowed. After the session is over, sex is fine, but the session itself should only consist of the single stroke.
The man isn’t allowed to ask any goal-related questions (for example, “Does that feel good?”). However, it’s fine to ask questions about positioning or pressure.

Step #2: Set up in position. The directions below differ slightly from the OneTaste method because the author found the following version more comfortable for right-handers.

The woman takes off her pants and underwear. She lies on her back and puts her legs in the butterfly position. She puts pillows under her knees or neck to make herself more comfortable. If desired, she can wear a facemask or blindfold, which can increase her sense of touch and decrease self-consciousness.
The man sits on her left side, facing her feet. He puts his right leg across her torso. His foot is flat on the ground. His left leg and foot can be arranged however is comfortable; again, use pillows if necessary. If the man anticipates lower back pain in this position, he can brace his elbow on his left shin.

Step #3: Start the 15-minute timer. From this point on, the woman doesn’t have to do anything and the following directions are for the man.

Step #4: Find the spot that will be stroked.

Pull the labia apart.
Pull the clitoral hood out of the way using the heel of the right palm and then hold the hood back with the right thumb.
Put the left thumb at the base of the vagina (not inside). Put two fingers of the left hand under each of the woman’s buttcheeks. (If using the elbow brace variation, the man should place his hand on the woman’s right leg instead, as he won’t be able to reach the vagina.)
Tilt the right wrist as if checking a watch.
Maintaining the wrist tilt, put the right index finger at one o’clock. There should be a pocket between the clitoris and the hood.

Step #5: Start stroking.

Stroke the 1 o’clock spot as lightly as possible using the tip of the finger. The pressure shouldn’t depress the woman’s body any more than the thickness of two sheets of paper. The strokes should be short—only 1/16”.
Stroke at a constant speed for 2-3 minutes. Every 2-3 minutes, change speed if desired.
If the woman’s body tenses or she appears anxious, encourage her to relax.
If the woman is having exhaustingly strong contractions, encourage her to push gently, as if she were peeing, and to breathe.

Step #6: After the timer goes, close the session by “grounding”—overlap the hands and push upward on the woman’s pubic bone. The woman chooses the amount of pressure and most women will prefer hard pressure. Grounding is important because it’s guaranteed closure—grounding will happen no matter what (while something like orgasm isn’t guaranteed).

Once you and your partner have completed five sessions, you can add the following to your 15-minute practice:

Touch the g-spot, which is on the top side of the vagina, 1-2 inches in. The man can insert his left middle finger into the vagina, palm up, and bend his finger to stimulate the g-spot. After five minutes of this stimulation, he can insert the index finger as well.
Perform cunnilingus on the 1 o’clock spot. The woman should put a pillow under her hips. The man should hold the hold of the clitoris back with the left thumb and perform cunnilingus as gently as he would perform the OneTouch stroke.

How to Have a Better Orgasm During Sex

Now that we’ve learned how to create women’s orgasms in two different isolated contexts, it’s time to work on how to have a better orgasm during sex. Here are four tips:

Tip #1: Women create the orgasm. Men can help, but the woman is in charge, and a good general rule is that the man provides the pressure and the woman takes charge of the movement.

Tip #2: Adjust positions to create better angles. For maximum pleasure, the penis should touch the g-spot, which is on the top side of the vagina, 1-2 inches in. The man can find it by turning his hand palm up and inserting his index finger as deep as his second knuckle. If he bends his finger, he’ll find a spongy spot.

For example, to get the best angle in the missionary position (man on top):

The woman should put a pillow under her hips so that her bum is raised six inches off the bed. The woman can adjust her hip tilt further by putting her feet flat on the bed and pressing her hips up or bringing her knees to her chest.
The man then gets his hips as close to the woman’s as he can while keeping his hips as low as he can by sitting on his heels.

Tip #3: Adjust positions to create better pressure. For maximum pleasure, the point of friction should be between the man’s pelvic bone and the woman’s clitoris, not the penis and vagina. The man can try moving his hips side to side, in circles, or rocking back and forth.

For example, in the missionary position, to improve pressure, the man should shift his weight so that it rests on the woman’s pelvis and his arms. He can do this by straightening his legs.
For example, to get the best angle in the cowgirl position (woman on top), the man should be sitting up 70 degrees. (Use pillows or a chair to achieve this angle). Optional: Touch a vibrator to the clitoris.

Tip #4: Experiment with penetration depth and rhythm. It’s uncomfortable for women when the penis hits the cervix. To avoid this, the man can aim his penis at ten or two o’clock. Experiment with the depth and rhythm, but the author suggests nine half-length penetrations, followed by one long penetration, is a good place to start.

How to Have a Better Orgasm: Tips for Women