Are you living authentically in all areas of your life? What would it feel like to align your actions with your true self?
Mike Bayer’s book Best Self provides a comprehensive framework for how to evaluate your life across six essential domains. His approach helps readers understand where they’re living authentically and where they might need to make meaningful changes.
Take the first step toward personal transformation by exploring these vital areas of life.
Evaluate Your Life
The first step toward reconnecting with your true self is to learn how to evaluate your life. Bayer explains that you’re likely more true to yourself in some parts of life than in others. You can tell how connected you are to your true self in each area by examining how comfortable you feel in it. Some areas may feel positive and rewarding—these bright spots signal where you’re able to truly be yourself and provide clues about your core values and passions. Other areas may create a sense of discomfort or dissatisfaction—these problem zones indicate that you’re living in a way that doesn’t reflect who you really are.
(Shortform note: Research expands on why you might feel comfortable enough to be yourself in some life areas and feel compelled to put on a mask in others. How freely you’re able to be yourself in any situation depends on two factors: 1) the rigidity of established social expectations and 2) the potential consequences you face for not conforming. For example, you might feel comfortable expressing your true self around friends who accept you as you are, but feel pressure to modify your behavior during work meetings where nonconformity could jeopardize your career.)
Examining the different parts of your life will help you pinpoint the specific areas where you’re behaving in alignment with your true self—and where you’ve become disconnected. Bayer recommends evaluating six key life areas: your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others, your physical health, your knowledge and skill development, your career, and your faith.
Life Area #1: Relationship With Yourself
According to Bayer, your relationship with yourself is foundational, as it shapes your inner dialogue, self-care practices, and overall sense of self-worth. When you’re living in harmony with your true self, you likely feel self-compassionate, self-confident, and at peace with who you are. On the other hand, if you’ve lost touch with your true self, you may engage in harsh self-criticism and neglect your emotional and physical needs.
(Shortform note: While Bayer suggests that living authentically fosters a positive relationship with yourself, Kristin Neff (Self-Compassion) argues this cause-and-effect can also work in the opposite direction: Cultivating a kind and nurturing relationship with yourself creates the psychological safety needed to explore and express your true nature. When you develop self-compassion and confidence, you become less afraid of others’ judgment and more willing to show up authentically in the world. This suggests that authenticity and a positive self-relationship can reinforce each other in an upward spiral—the more you embrace yourself, the more authentic you become, which in turn strengthens your relationship with yourself.)
Life Area #2: Relationships With Others
Bayer says that the quality of your connections with family, friends, and romantic partners provides strong clues about your level of alignment with your true self. If your interactions feel genuine, fulfilling, and mutually beneficial, you likely feel comfortable enough to be the real you around others. However, if you tend to mask your emotions and desires, struggle with intimacy, or sabotage your relationships, you’re probably spending time with people who don’t support your true nature.
(Shortform note: A practical way to gauge whether you’re in touch with your true self in relationships is to watch for emotional warning signs that indicate discomfort around others. These signs include feeling frequently embarrassed about your behavior, experiencing persistent self-consciousness in social interactions, harboring resentment about being misunderstood, maintaining constant anxiety about others’ opinions, and sensing rejection despite your efforts to connect.)
Life Area #3: Physical Health
Bayer explains that paying attention to how you treat your body can reveal a lot about your current level of self-connection. If you’re in alignment with your true self, you likely have healthy habits, high energy levels, and an overall sense of well-being. On the other hand, if you’re out of alignment with your true self, you might neglect your physical needs and engage in behaviors that undermine your health.
(Shortform note: Research suggests that living in alignment with your true self fosters healthy habits and physical well-being by improving your mental health. Living authentically reduces anxiety and depression—psychological states that diminish both your desire and ability to care for yourself, leading you to neglect your health in favor of quick emotional fixes like comfort eating or substance use. By freeing you from these psychological states, authentic living restores your natural inclination to nurture yourself. In other words, it makes you want to make choices that support your health and vitality.)
Life Area #4: Knowledge and Skill Development
Bayer suggests that your true self is naturally curious and loves to learn new things—if you’re in alignment with it, you’ll feel energized and inspired by opportunities to develop your innermost passions and talents. However, if you’re disconnected from it, you might feel apathetic or overly comfortable with the status quo, which leads you to avoid challenges that could help you evolve.
(Shortform note: Research in cognitive science supports Bayer’s argument that being true to yourself encourages you to learn and grow. Studies show that curiosity—your drive to explore new ideas and opportunities—is as innate a drive as basic instincts like hunger. Although curiosity is intrinsic, resigning yourself to choices and situations that don’t fulfill you can dampen your curiosity by making you more vulnerable to depression. In contrast, as Bayer suggests, if your behaviors are aligned with your innermost passions and talents, your mental health flourishes; as a result, you’re better able to access and act on your intrinsic curiosity and to seek out new experiences, learn, and grow.)
Life Area #5: Career
According to Bayer, when your work aligns with your core values, interests, and innate talents, you’ll feel a sense of purpose and get genuine enjoyment from your day-to-day responsibilities. On the other hand, if your job doesn’t align with who you really are, you’re liable to feel bored, drained, and aimless.
(Shortform note: Steven Kotler (The Art of Impossible) explains why work that aligns with your true nature feels more satisfying and meaningful: Your brain releases pleasurable neurochemicals when you engage in work that complements your innate talents and interests. These neurochemicals make the experience so enjoyable that you want to spend more time developing your capabilities, and this deeper engagement leads you to discover purpose and meaning in your work.)
Life Area #6: Faith
Bayer argues that, for many people, a sense of connection to something greater than themselves is a core part of their true nature—therefore, living with faith strengthens your alignment with your true self and infuses your life with peace and inner guidance. However, if you’ve lost touch with this transcendent part of who you are, you may feel lost or cynical about life’s deeper meaning.
(Shortform note: Similarly, Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) suggests that everyone has a true Being that connects them to something greater than themselves as well as every other living thing. He argues that, unlike learned behaviors or beliefs, this sense of connection emerges from the simple act of being fully present. When you drop your mental constructs and defenses, you experience a sense of oneness with existence. This suggests that spirituality isn’t something you need to seek or learn, but rather an innate way of experiencing life that becomes accessible when you stop resisting your natural state of being.)
