What does it mean to connect with your authentic self? How can you experience genuine spiritual awakening and personal growth after healing from trauma?
Connecting with your true self is a transformative journey that leads to fulfillment, deeper relationships, and a stronger sense of purpose. In Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw offers his perspective on discovering your authentic self and achieving spiritual growth.
Continue reading to learn how to connect with your true self and ultimately find fulfillment.
Connecting With Your True Self
According to Bradshaw, the final part of healing from toxic shame is connecting with your authentic self and higher purpose in life—what he refers to as having a spiritual awakening. Connecting with your authentic self facilitates a spiritual awakening because it allows you to receive guidance toward your destiny from a higher power. Bradshaw says that this happens because your authentic self is directly created by the higher power—when you’re in touch with yourself, you’re in touch with your higher power by default. Bradshaw shares advice on how to connect with your true self and lays out the benefits of doing so.
Undergoing your spiritual awakening leads to a life of fulfillment and happiness because it ultimately allows you to go with the flow, without resistance or the need for control, and love yourself unconditionally. It also enhances your connection to the external world—you’ll be more fit to help others and able to form healthy and mutually nourishing relationships. Further, your lack of resistance will enable you to embrace the beauty of the world without negative feelings—this allows you to be more in tune with opportunities and signs from the universe (or higher power) that are meant for you.
Ultimately, the combination of these factors brings you happiness and guides you toward your higher purpose in life, which brings fulfillment. Living in this way is akin to swimming with the current rather than against it, nourishing your soul in the process.
| Factors Required for Post-Traumatic Growth The spiritual awakening process that occurs after healing toxic shame (and reckoning with complex childhood trauma) is very similar to what researchers refer to as post-traumatic growth (PTG). While PTG typically refers to the growth period after a traumatic event, research suggests that people with complex trauma (toxically shamed people) can also experience PTG. While Bradshaw attributes his concept of this growth phase to divine guidance, the symptoms of his “spiritual awakening” align with the five effects found when people experience PTG: appreciation for life, relationships with others, personal strength (resilience and self-understanding), new possibilities in life (being able to see positive potential futures and a higher purpose for yourself), and spiritual change (belief in a higher power and less resistance in life). |
To achieve spiritual awakening, you must first connect to your authentic self; however, Bradshaw explains that our “self” isn’t just one thing. There are many different and sometimes opposing parts of us making this feat difficult to achieve. Truly connecting to your self requires you to acknowledge and embrace all of your parts—even the ones you dislike.
To do so, Bradshaw recommends exploring a mental exercise where you create an imaginary room tailored to your specific taste—decorations, music, and so on. In this room, you also include all your favorite versions of yourself—for example, the version that wants to be an astronaut, the version who loves to cook, and the version who’s a mother. Finally, envision the disliked versions of yourself and imagine they’re requesting access to the room—forgive them and let them inside. This room is a sanctuary for all parts of yourself to exist and be loved.
(Shortform note: Eckhart Tolle’s concept of the true self, and his ideas about how to connect to it, seem to contradict Bradshaw’s. In The Power of Now, Tolle explains that our true self, or being, is our pure life force. Our thoughts, beliefs, and experiences—hobbies, likes, dislikes, and so on—are not who we are. Nor are any physical artifacts we possess, like clothes or homes. These are all simply elements of our ego, and according to Tolle, when we identify with these things, we actually prevent ourselves from achieving true happiness. To truly connect to yourself and attain happiness, Tolle says you must detach from your ego—thoughts, desires, and material elements—and focus your attention on the present moment.)
Bradshaw also recommends connecting to your purpose by reflecting on the following factors: the people that bring out your best self and make you happiest, the activities that energize you, your life dreams, the passions you feel in your heart, and the places where you feel like you belong most.
(Shortform note: In Designing Your Life, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans also recommend reflecting on the things that make you feel good to find your purpose in life. They note that one of the best ways to do this is by journaling about how you felt during different experiences throughout your day. In particular, note instances when you felt joyful, engaged, energized, bored, and drained. Not only will this help you identify what makes you feel good so you can spend more time on it, it’ll also help you notice what makes you feel bad so you can avoid those things in the future.)
