Do you know how to celebrate achievements that you made? Do you engage in self-criticism?
In Unbound, Kasia Urbaniak presents the case that women emphasize shortcomings while diminishing their successes. Engaging in self-deprecating behavior diminishes your sense of self-worth, thereby making it more challenging to exert control over your environment.
Keep reading to learn why it’s important to recognize your small victories.
How to Overcome Self-Criticism
The author highlights the dangers associated with the propensity for self-criticism, a characteristic often observed in women shaped by the confining standards of a “Good Girl” conditioning. We frequently extend compassion and pardon to those around us, but we persistently impose the harshest self-criticism, fixating on our own errors and shortcomings. This detrimental self-talk perpetuates a cycle of shame, sowing uncertainty that erodes our self-assurance and complicates our ability to learn how to celebrate achievements.
Urbaniak promotes the deliberate development of self-worth as a means to break this cycle. Individuals are advised to maintain a comprehensive list of their achievements, encompassing both major milestones and everyday victories, as a powerful strategy to shift focus from uncertainty to acknowledging one’s own capabilities. By consciously celebrating our successes, we bolster our self-worth, increase our assurance, and nurture a positive self-image.
Other Perspectives
- Societal standards influence both men and women, and men may also experience similar pressures that lead to self-criticism, indicating that the issue is not gender-specific.
- The tendency to fixate on errors and shortcomings is not solely a result of “Good Girl” conditioning but can also stem from a variety of factors including personality, mental health issues, cultural influences, and personal experiences.
- The process of self-evaluation is essential for learning and development; without recognizing one’s own mistakes, it is difficult to make meaningful progress.
- There is a risk that an overemphasis on self-worth could lead to narcissistic tendencies or an inflated ego if not balanced with humility and an awareness of one’s limitations.
- This strategy may not be effective for individuals suffering from mental health issues like depression or anxiety, where negative thought patterns are not easily overcome by self-administered practices.
- While celebrating successes can boost self-worth, it may also lead to complacency if not balanced with a realistic assessment of areas needing improvement.
Sharing Victories With a Supportive Community
Urbaniak emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our successes within a supportive community. She champions the establishment of groups where women unite to nurture shared development and empowerment. Recognizing our victories as part of a group creates a dynamic cycle of encouragement, which not only boosts our own sense of achievement but also motivates and uplifts our peers.
Envision conquering your public speaking anxiety and subsequently giving a triumphant presentation in your professional setting. Celebrating your successes alongside your peers creates a supportive and inspiring atmosphere that bolsters other women who are dealing with similar obstacles. This communal festivity bolsters the collective strength of the group, solidifying their conviction in their capacity to surmount obstacles and realize their aspirations.
Practical Tips
- Create a simple “win jar” at home where you drop a note with a success written on it each time something goes well.
- Create a peer mentoring program at your workplace or within your community. Pair up with another woman who has different life experiences or skills, and commit to regular check-ins where you both offer advice, encouragement, and practical support for each other’s goals. For instance, if one of you is skilled in public speaking and the other wants to improve in that area, you could practice together and provide feedback.
- Implement a ‘victory debrief’ at the end of projects where the team collectively discusses what went well. This can be a short, structured session where each member shares a positive aspect of the project, ensuring that successes are acknowledged and celebrated together.
- Organize a monthly “Achievement Potluck” where each attendee brings a dish and shares a recent success story. This not only provides an opportunity to celebrate together but also encourages the sharing of different cuisines, making the act of celebration both culturally enriching and supportive.
- You can create a personal mantra that encapsulates your resilience and determination. Write down a phrase that resonates with your journey and repeat it to yourself during challenging times. This can serve as a reminder of your strength and the collective power of women who have overcome similar hurdles. For example, if you’ve faced workplace discrimination, your mantra could be “I thrive through adversity.”
- Start a group chat dedicated to sharing daily gratitudes or successes with friends or colleagues. This digital space can serve as a platform for encouragement and recognition, fostering a sense of community and shared purpose. You might share something as simple as completing a task you’ve been putting off or helping someone out. The key is to regularly acknowledge and celebrate these moments collectively.
