Do you want to learn how to be more present in the moment? How can you make the most of your life right now?
One step toward achieving a happier and more successful life, according to Oliver Burkeman, is finding peace and happiness in the present. This means making the most of the here and now rather than focusing on the future, and finding peace by detaching from unrealistic expectations.
Let’s look at Burkeman’s advice for accomplishing these goals.
1. Make the Most of Right Now
To be more present in the moment, according to Burkeman, you must make the most of right now. How can you accomplish this?
First, try your hardest and be your best self now—not at some future point. Many people tend to procrastinate or consider the present as practice for a better future. However, this mindset blocks you from ever reaching that potential—if you want something in the future, Burkeman says you should start acting like you’re living that life right now. For example, if you want to be an actor in the future, start practicing today like that actor would practice. If you want to become a more open person, start by practicing vulnerability with your friends today.
(Shortform note: In Be Your Future Self Now, Benjamin Hardy expresses the same sentiment—if you want to become someone in the future, you must start acting like that person now. To effectively do this, Hardy says you first must identify your “future self”—the happiest, smartest, most productive, and most successful version of yourself. Envision who this person is and what their life looks like. Specifically, identify the big things this person has accomplished—those will be the goals you start working toward in the present.)
Burkeman says making the most of right now also requires you to take your present circumstances seriously. Many people evade relationships or commitments because they feel it’s not the right time, or they overwork themselves in the present thinking that sacrificing happiness now will pay off in the future. Burkeman argues that time is finite and you must make every moment count. Your life now is just as serious as your future plans. You should cherish and make the most of the opportunities and happiness offered in the present.
(Shortform note: In You Only Die Once, Jodi Wellman proposes a surprising yet effective way to help you take your current circumstances seriously and make the most of what you have today—contemplating your death. She argues that by thinking about your mortality, you’ll become aware of your limited time on earth and live more fully in the present.)
2. Detach From Unrealistic Expectations
Finally, Burkeman says that to find peace and happiness in the present is to detach from unrealistic expectations. To do so, Burkeman says you must accomplish three things: being your authentic self, letting go of your desire for permanence, and being realistic about your self-expectations.
First, being authentic means embracing who you truly are with all your imperfections, rather than trying to appear a certain way. Being inauthentic often discourages authentic connection to yourself and others. In contrast, being yourself and exposing your flaws creates a more supportive environment, argues Burkeman, which will bring more peace and happiness to your life.
Second, letting go of your desire for permanence means enjoying the present without trying to prolong or improve it. All things in life are transient, so clinging to permanence is a waste of time and energy—and constantly worrying about how you can make things better prevents you from fully enjoying what you have right now. For example, rather than worrying about photographing an event to preserve your memory of it or convincing people to stay longer to stop the event from ending, embrace and enjoy everything that’s happening around you. This will maximize your feelings of happiness and peace while dispelling the anxiety you harbor over the situation ending.
Finally, Burkeman says that rather than striving for your actions to have a big impact on the world and getting disappointed when they don’t, you should start appreciating the small differences you can make in your immediate environment. Burkeman believes that the former attitude stems from a fear of mortality—we’re afraid of being forgotten when we’re gone, so we feel the need to leave a legacy. In reality, Burkeman argues that in the grand scheme of the universe, our actions, whether life-changing or not, don’t really matter. So instead of holding yourself to unrealistic standards that leave you unmotivated and disappointed, take pleasure in the mundane things you can do to make a difference in your immediate environment.
