Are you constantly being talked over in conversations? Do you want to take control of discussions in a respectful way?
In Unbound, Kasia Urbaniak explores the art of calibration, which is determining the right level of assertiveness for each situation. She emphasizes the importance of awareness of our surroundings, carefully observing how others react, and adjusting our approaches to maximize our influence while minimizing unnecessary conflicts.
Take a look at how to be more assertive as a woman while talking to someone in any setting.
Balancing Assertiveness
Urbaniak emphasizes the importance of learning how to be more assertive as a woman in a conversation. When seeking assistance from a friend, one might adopt a gentler, less assertive manner, whereas in a business negotiation, a firmer, more commanding approach is often employed. Adapting how you communicate is essential to strengthen your sway, given that a single method does not apply universally.
Other Perspectives
- Some might argue that a consistent communication style, regardless of the situation, is crucial for establishing a clear personal or brand identity, which can be just as effective in influencing others.
- Some individuals may respond better to assertiveness as it can demonstrate the seriousness of the request, leading to a more committed response from the friend.
- Assertiveness in negotiations can sometimes be perceived as aggressiveness, which may lead to resistance or breakdowns in communication.
- Adapting communication styles too frequently or inauthentically could potentially lead to perceptions of manipulation or lack of genuineness.
Maintaining Curiosity in Difficult Conversations
Urbaniak encourages women to cultivate a curious attitude and maintain a sense of humor, especially in challenging conversations. This feeling of buoyancy and a willingness to experiment enables us to tackle disagreements with increased adaptability, inventiveness, and robustness. Viewing resistance not as a personal affront but rather as a captivating challenge presents an opportunity to investigate alternative approaches and uncover inventive resolutions.
Envision yourself in a conversation with your boss about a potential raise, and you pick up on an early sign of reluctance from them. Engage in discussions with a sense of comfort instead of succumbing to discouragement or assuming a guarded stance. “I understand your concerns about budget constraints. Is it possible to develop fresh tactics that boost the success of the organization while simultaneously advancing my personal contribution? This method demonstrates assuredness, adaptability, and a readiness to work together, which enhances the chances of reaching an outcome that benefits all parties involved.
Practical Tips
- Create a “Humor Board” in a visible place at home or work, where you pin cartoons, jokes, or funny quotes that resonate with you. When heading into a challenging conversation, glance at this board to remind yourself to maintain light-heartedness. This could be as simple as a corkboard in your kitchen where you pin the comic strip that made you chuckle that morning.
- Turn a daily inconvenience into a problem-solving game by setting a timer for 10 minutes and brainstorming as many solutions as possible. For example, if you’re frustrated by a cluttered kitchen, race against the clock to list out unconventional storage ideas or ways to minimize mess during meal prep.
- You can practice open-ended questioning by starting conversations with questions that cannot be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. This encourages a dialogue where both parties can explore topics in depth, fostering a sense of comfort and reducing the likelihood of a defensive response. For example, instead of asking “Did you like the movie?” ask “What did you think about the movie’s theme?”
- Improve your adaptability by introducing small, unexpected changes to your routine. For example, take a different route to work or try a new hobby. These changes will train your brain to be more comfortable with the unfamiliar, helping you to adapt more quickly when significant changes occur.
